"I love you, baby." 

You might think those 3 little words say it all, but it's not so. 

She needs to hear you love her…but she also wants, needs and/or desires to hear these "I love You' alternatives.

7574 words? Yep, this post is that important!

Below you’ll find a year’s worth of what to say to let your wife know that you see her, understand her, and value her. These special expressions encompass love as well as gratitude, appreciation, respect, admiration, and sure–- even lust! 

You're lucky (and/or skilled) to not only have found this special woman you successfully asked to spend her life with-- but also to have won her for your partner. Let’s just not forget that winning a woman’s heart, respect and desire isn’t something a man can do once and check the box forever. 

In addition to telling her you love her-- as regularly as she seems to enjoy hearing it-- with today’s phrases list we want to equip guys to remind that beautiful, sexy woman every week and month of all the ways that you're thrilled to have her as your bride now and forever.

And we even think you can do it this next year in just 5-10 minutes per week? Too good to be true. Nope. Just skim the BOLDED headlines below until you're convinced the listicle is worth your full attention to read every word all the way through.

  1. You're beautiful.

Yes, always remind her that you think she's beautiful…and that you never tire of looking at her. Bonus points if you can honestly say so when she’s just woken up, still groggy-- with crazy hair, no makeup, questionable breath and puffy eyes.

  1. That really stinks!

When someone is sad or mad, frustrated or depressed--but I’m not-- and I had nothing to do with what happened, I don’t usually say “I’m sorry”. We reserve that for when we caused something bad to happen. 

What I actually say I learned from my own wife: “That really stinks”. 

It’s empathy vs sympathy and this way protects one partner bringing the other down. Plus it avoids the partner giving empathy to their upset/mad/melancholy spouse from feeling guilty or like he/she somehow caused this current unhappiness for their partner. 

  1. Happiness is a choice.

Don’t attend her pity party. Don’t try to solve everything. Give more empathy and less sympathy and her blues are likely to turn around much more quickly than if you try to solve her issue or join her in feeling miserable. We’re those weird people who believe happiness is a choice and each person must and should be complete on their own or a relationship will suffer / be unhealthy and codependent. 

A heartfelt reminder to your spouse that this is a universal truth isn’t designed to cheer her up. It’s what you do before and after you say it that matters most. Show, don’t just tell! Keep choosing to be happy yourself. Let her see that despite some obstacles you may both be facing, she can count on you to be supportive and positive and focused on the good in your lives. Watch how quickly her frown gets turned upside down.

  1. I believe in you.

Everyone gets insecure at times. Tell your wife you believe in her; it’s especially impactful when she forgets to believe in herself.

  1. The things you alone can do mean a lot to me. 

Let your wife know that you see what she does to take care of you and your family. This is especially true if she does things you can’t do, or cannot do as well as she does. Saying things like this regularly to Mrs. Cubic Zirconia-- in addition to a natural lack of interest in or skill with-- is how I get away with being the man in the relationship whose more competent wife does many of the ‘manly things. 

Car maintenance, home repairs, changing out a propane gas cylinder and surviving with all limbs and eyebrows intact-- delegated!

  1. Marrying you is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Reconfirm your choice of marrying your wife again and again. Let her know that you're thrilled to have married her out of all the ladies who wanted her place.

A man who had many choices about what woman to spend the rest of his life with is attractive. I’ll leave it up to you how often you might want to remind her that you were attractive enough for many women to have wanted to marry you (for me, a monthly joke or reminiscence about having dated 150+ women before choosing her to marry seems to keep my own wife from taking me for granted). 

Yeah, I REALLY said that. And while you’re at it…don’t tell her she’s the best thing you’ve ever done or the best decision you’ve ever made (even if it might be true). A woman worth having would rather hear you’re striving every day for great things for your lives and future together-- NOT that you peaked as a person and a man when she agreed to marry your ass, and now she can expect you to complacently coast.

  1. You're a wonderful mother.

If you and your wife have kids, let her know that she's doing an amazing job.

  1. I'm making a drink, would you like one too?

As a man married to  woman whose “Love Language is Acts of Service, my habit of rarely pouring myself a coffee, soda, juice, wine, water or bourbon without asking her if she’d like the same…well let’s just say as acts of service go, this is a pretty easy one to do and get WAY MORE CREDIT than the effort required. SCORE! Now, if only I could figure out how to wake up earlier than her so I could make her coffee for her. 

I’m half convinced my step-mother has been with my father all these years at least partially because he does this every day for his wife. Indeed, when we visit them and stay a couple days in the guest-bedroom, my wife kinda gets all starry-eyed when my Dad wakes up early and makes her coffee just the way she likes it, too. Granted, he also does her laundry while we’re at his home. And I just couldn’t do either of those things myself! LOL if you’ve been in the CubicZirconia.com cosmos for long enough, no doubt you’ve read one of my favorite blogs about how I don’t do dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, laundry or any of that boring but cheap-to-hire-someone household chores stuff : Spending a little money for a housekeeper: easy way for couples to avoid stress, buy more time alone and time together (and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia doesn’t have to do that ish, either)..  

Gotta pick & choose the right acts of service: a) you CAN do, b) she’ll appreciate, and c) where the juice is worth the squeeze. YMMMV. Your marriage mileage may vary.

  1. Could you use some alone time to rejuvenate?

Your wife needs downtime just like anyone. But women-- and mothers especially in my experience-- absolutely can suck at putting themselves first sometimes. Let her know you understand her needs and want her to escape the stresses of day-to-day life as much as she feels she needs to get away-- even if (especially if) she doesn’t take that ME TIME on her own, without your encouragement.

Tell her you want her to take an hour, a day or a weekend to be selfish and see to herself before anything else-- and that you believe both her mental health and your relationship’s health depend on each person having some time to themselves in a given day, week and month.

If she says ‘no’ enough times in a row-- and you see signs that she may be burning out, sad, stressed or snapping at people despite saying she’s fine-- then just be a man, step up, plan her a few hours, a day or a weekend of relaxation and hand her the itinerary, her purse and the car keys with a dismissal: “You’re not allowed back in the house until you’re rested, relaxed and ready to be sweet to people again. Buh-bye”. She might be irritated by how you said that (ask me how I know!)...but she’ll get over it. Probably. Just make sure there are no sharp objects near when you say this to her (if she’s the feisty type, and what woman worth a wedding isn’t?).

  1. I love your smile.

Let your wife know how happiness becomes her. And how you absolutely love her mouth for reasons that don’t have to do with kissing, LOL jokes or blowjobs.

  1. Be honest with me, please.

Any college psych major could tell you that just about every human being lies sometimes, no matter their personal moral code, integrity, ethics or professed “always-on” honesty. Whether you're trying to hide your true opinion about a home-cooked but dry and unappealing meal, sparing his/her feelings with a little white lie like “mmm that was great” following unfulfilling sexual episode, or protecting a deep, dark secret-- it’s been proven in scientific study after study that people are generally untruthful at least some of the time. 

There are simply personal, individual needs that are met only or most easily when we present information in such a way that is deliberately misleading, outright false, or meant to spare someone’s feelings or to make us look good (and to hell with the actual truth), Indeed, academics estimate that the average person lies 400-800 times per year. Nonetheless, most of us don't enjoy being dishonest and we hate being lied to either. 

IMHO, you don't have to be dishonest with your spouse. And lying to get through the day is just a recipe for relationship suicide sooner than later. Consistent, radical honesty is damned hard-- saying things you’d rather not, to protect your own ego or the feelings of someone you care about, and quickly apologizing when you impulsively lied and regretted it right after (and asking forgiveness). But if you give the gift of this double-edged sword to your marriage partner then he/she is gonna do the same for you. 

Sure, she doesn’t need your permission to be honest with you. But the more frequently you tell her you do want honesty, having given her your blessing to get something off her chest, or quickly correcting something you said that wasn’t actually true…the more often she’s gonna give you her mind rather than holding something in and getting anxious or angry. And even though that transparency and mutual respect for the truth and for each other will cause some awkward moments that are frankly UNCOMFORTABLE, each of you adopting the habit to tell each other the truth and the whole truth is actually super healthy for a great marriage. Are you man enough to commit to it first and set the example for your wife to follow?

  1. You look like you could use a nap. I can handle everything until you get back.

This is very similar to #9 above where you actively encourage her to take some much-needed ME TIME. If she’s more stressed than sleepy, she may Netflix instead of napping (and that’s cool.) 

Just say this, give her a few minutes to finish whatever she’s doing, and then return to the same room, take her by the hand and lead her to bed. Plump her pillows, tuck her under the sheets and then walk away. You can’t selfishly use this unselfish maneuver to try to get her to have sex with you. I might have made that mistake once. But now if I say this to my wife, she knows I mean it. And she knows whatever she thinks she needs to do right then, she can ask me and I’ll do my best to do it for her instead. Of course, I probably won’t do it as well as she could herself-- but hey something is better than nothing, right? That’s the drawback of marrying the most competent person I know.

  1. I love how weird you are sometimes. 

Don’t be afraid to show your spouse all your eccentricities. After all, if she was smart she probably knew most of them before agreeing to marry you, buddy.

  1. Why don't you go enjoy a girls' night out?

Be sure your wife is connecting with her friends. It's easy to get so busy with marriage and family that a woman can lose touch with her closest friends. Help her stay connected with her besties.

  1. So proud of you, babe!

Be a good-finder on the regular, and when you see something SAY SOMETHING.
She married you and your opinion of her matters. This one is important enough to go on your damn calendar once a month, if you ask me. This is especially important when the two of you have more than just living together in common. Co-parents, coworkers, co-business owners…any or all of those give her another reason to crave your affirmation of her skills helping your family. Don’t deprive her of your praise!

  1. You're perfect just the way you are.

Let her know that you accept her with this phrase that is bound to stay in the back of her mind all day long.

  1. Let's start doing 'Naked Sundays'!

We believe couples should spend some naked time together each week. We suggest Naked Sundays. Do or do not. Your call. But if you don’t ever do this in your marriage…well, you’re just dumb and there’s no helping you.

  1. What are you thinking about?

You care about what's on her mind, right? So ask her to share that sometimes.

  1. Can we cook together? 

Do you cook together with your significant other? Cooking can be a chore. It can be a chore, too for couples cooking together…or it can be great quality time-- a cheap, easy, simple and relaxing couples’ hobby to reconnect after some time apart. 

Here's our recipe to heat it up in the kitchen with a delicious night of couples cooking together-- Cooking for two: A recipe for couple’s cooking nights (the ingredients)

  1. I forgive you, sweetheart.

Human beings don’t need forgiveness from people they don’t know, and seldom even want it from people they know only casually. But once you get into the real family and chosen family dynamic…we want and need to hear “I forgive you” when we’ve messed up and said we are sorry. Top of this list of whom she wants forgiveness? That’s you, hubster. Don’t deprive her of your acceptance of her apology and give her your pardon for her mistake.

  1. Life is too short to deal with jerks.

She complains about this coworker or relative (real or by marriage), that customer or that friend of a friend. And again. And yet again. You know that person is a problem for her. Tell her this and she’ll feel empowered to cut that person as much out of her life as is possible and practical-- and she’ll know you’re not gonna make her feel guilty about having made the best choice for her own mental health.

I first told my wife this almost a decade ago. And I watched as she not only distanced herself from a couple people that are close to me by blood-- but also created a criteria checklist for “firing a customer” in our business. Of course, we’d fulfill our promises to that person for providing their product and also honoring our CubicZirconia.com Lifetime Warranty, but we’d also tell the pain-in-the-ass customer that he/she could no longer make any new purchases from us in the future. 

Some people think that’s harsh, but even after we stepped back from personally as frequently servicing individual customers and orders, we allowed our front-line customer service team members to do the same thing if they were being verbally abused by, condescended to or otherwise treated inappropriately by a paying customer. Ask them and they’ll tell you they’re grateful their employer doesn’t require them to kiss someone’s ass whose behavior they wouldn’t tolerate outside the workplace.

Don’t allow your spouse to be treated poorly for any reason. Money and jobs, family and in-laws, whomever is getting out of line with her. It ain’t worth it. Shut that shit down yourself or give her permission to kick the jerks to the curb.

  1. I'm lucky to have you as my partner.

Let her know that you value you as an equal partner. Celebrate your partnership and fill her emotional cup with this deliciousness. 

OOPS! “Let her know that you value YOU as an equal partner.” LOL that does sound like something I would say. But I meant to type “Let her know that you value HER as an equal partner”. I guess the typo was just funny enough that I decided to leave it for my wife to read later and chuckle. After all, she’s damned lucky to have me as her partner, too.

  1. Being with you is my favorite place to be.

Whether you're home or out on the town, you're happy just to be with her-- so let her know! She may not believe me if your actions belie your words. So don’t insult her intelligence if you don’t actually mean this, ok? Marriages can survive and even thrive when each individual has important work, different job schedules/locations, or beloved hobbies that cause them to be apart more often than not…and that’s totally okay-- especially if your relationship was like that before matrimony.

  1. You can count on me. I'll be here when you need me.

Let her know she can always rely on you. Sometimes, all she needs to remember during the tough moments is that she's not alone. She’s got a strong man willing to go to the mat for her, on a second’s notice.

  1. Wow, you really know how to turn me on!

When she does something super seductive, slide up to her, put your arms around her waist and whisper this in her ear. You want it to be a compliment and not a come-on she may feel awkward about if she isn’t in the frame of mind for sex. So follow it up by saying you’ve got some stuff to do, and can hardly wait to be alone with her later…then leave the room. If you’ve recently had great chemistry in your relationship, and she’s in a good mood, there’s a decent chance she’ll follow you and ask if what you have to do right now is more urgent than pleasing her because she’s turned on, too. You can figure out what to do, then, right? 

Foreplay starts much earlier for women than men. So if she doesn’t jump on you immediately, no worries. Don’t be surprised if in the hours you were apart she did get kinda turned on. More often than an immediate lovemaking session, what might happen is that the next time you all see each other…she’ll hug you the same way you hugged her. That’s your cue to open the conversation with “Am I wrong or are you ALSO turned on right now?” Any positive reaction to that-- verbal, physical, facial expression, smiling-- is how you know to start getting physical.

Just don’t rush her. Take your time and ratchet up the sexual tension with more foreplay-- verbal and physical. Many guys can be ready to boink at the drop of a hat. But sexual tension and anticipation built up over time is a real influence for the desire of physical intimacy for many women. Personally, I forget this at least once a week-- and get rejected sexually for this very reason. Sucks, but it’s true. SLOW DOWN and seduce her over a day-- and even a wife who never rejects her husband’s sexual desire will respond in ways that blow your mind.

  1. You make me want to be my best.

Does your wife bring out your best qualities? Let her know. It'll mean so much to her.

And this isn’t an empty platitude you can mouth and then go back to playing Fantasy Football and making belly-button lint sculptures in front of the boob tube 20 hours per week. When you say it, you gotta mean it. 

And you gotta SHOW HER what you’ve told her is true. Whether that’s working out, working hard at your job, or working on your personal development to make your words a fulfilled promise of continuous and never-ending improvement…what she sees will be SO MUCH MORE impactful than just what she heard. Ya dig?

  1. Does that feel good?

Some women fake it. They fake enjoying a man’s touch, how he kisses, their enjoyment of his sexual performance, and even whether or not she had an orgasm during oral sex or lovemaking. It’s frequently a “don’t rock the boat”, avoid-tough-conversations response too often to a lover who is rattled, defensive, depressed or even angry when she gives him general, non-sexual feedback she thinks of as helpful. 

Don’t be that douchey guy. I’m ashamed to admit that for many years I was REALLY BAD at accepting Mrs. Cubic Zirconia’s feedback. Frankly, I was such a man-child about it that I’m honestly astounded that my wife stayed with me earlier in our relationship.

---> Yes, dear, I’m so sorry-- especially for yelling at you a time or two when you gave me valuable feedback about my driving. <--- 

I’ve since learned that you’ve gotta be secure enough in your masculinity and value as a man and husband that you can ask your lady love for honest feedback…and not throw a tantrum, complain, sulk, pout, get defensively combative, or make your wife feel guilty for telling you the truth. Even if what she says hurts a lot-- like a mid-coitus blurting of “you don’t know what you’re doing, let’s change positions” or “I don’t like it when you stroke my face like that” my advice is just thank her for her feedback, and course correct your actions as and when you can. See #50 for a general way to let her know she’s appreciated for her honesty even when what she says HURTS.

 Remember, you want her to be honest with you no matter what…right? After all, being open to constructive criticism, setting aside your ego and making a real, committed effort to get better as a husband and lover is how you improve your skill with pleasing her mentally, emotionally and physically year after year throughout your marriage.  I think if you’ve had a hard-headed history of defensively doing a verbal clapback when your wife offers helpful advice to do something better-- you too will be amazed at what you can learn from accepting as Gospel her words about what she likes and doesn’t like. 

  1. Let me take you out to dinner tonight.

Pamper your gal with a special dinner out sometimes-– especially after she's had a long day. If she declines, there’s no need to insist (save that for the #45 “Caveman Husband” strategy.. But you could up the ante and pull out a fun after-dinner date idea you’ve squirreled away for a special occasion. Just make sure it’s awesome and not a lame, lazy, impersonal and common “dinner and a movie”. Routine, predictable dating is the enemy of attraction my man!

Tell her it’s gonna be great fun and well worth doing even if she’s mad/sad/tired or has an early day tomorrow. The catch? You won’t tell her the deets until you’re about to eat dessert tonight. That kind of cat-killing curiosity matched with your playfulness isn’t irresistible for a woman-- but it’s damned close, dawg. 

  1. You're so damn sexy.

Tell your wife how sexy she is to you. Repeat often. Sow your sexy seed and reap the benefits, brother. Do you need me to draw you a picture? Nah, I think you got it.

  1. I'm sorry. 

You’ve heard the old advice that ‘you can be right, or you can be happy’? One of you has to go first. Apologize first. Be vulnerable first. Yield first. Forgive first. Why not let that person be you? (And not in an insincere way just intended to make someone shut up and stop talking). 

Make a genuine apology and don’t try to take half of it back by giving a reason-- code for “excuse”-- why you did what you did (naturally you might be thinking because of something she did first!). When you acknowledge you were at fault and make no ifs, ands or buts about your apology…it’s refreshing. And whether it prompts her to also apologize or not is irrelevant. That falls into the “nice but not necessary” category of male-female relations. 

Of course, you don’t have to apologize first every time. And not if you feel super strongly that the shitty situation was caused by her alone. In fact, that’s a pathway to her justification never to apologize first, if you’re always gonna make yourself uncomfortable enough to bite that bullet every time for her. But when you let yourself calm down after an argument, reflect a bit, and try to see the argument from an objective point of view…if you feel you were at least 25% at fault, then apologizing first can do wonders for interpersonal communication between you and your best friend, lover, roommate and mother of your children. It’s just so worth a little vulnerability to put your stubborn pride aside at times and smooth things over!

  1. I need you because I love you.

Loving someone only because (or primarily because) you need them is codependency. It ain’t healthy. But needing a specific person’s touch,  quality time with him/her, and his/her words of affirmation BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM…well, that’s a strong sign you’re in a healthy romantic relationship.

  1. Let's work it out.

Disagreements happen. The best couples choose to work it out instead of fighting to get their way. And they don’t fight over dumb stuff (at least not often).

  1. We can fix this/that!

Acknowledge that together the two of you can get it done (whatever it is). Death notwithstanding, very little in life isn’t fixable for a complementary, committed couple tackling together. 

Even natural disasters, sick children, lost jobs, financial mistakes-- “Just survive somehow” like Enid says in “The Walking Dead” TV show. And when you can keep your heads when others would panic, we’re confident you can figure out how to fix the situation and come out the other end as a stronger couple. You can do this!

  1. You can do this!

Mostly I personally say this to Mrs. Cubic Zirconia just to remind her that she doesn’t need me to do much for her. She’s awesome enough to do just about everything on her list-- quickly, efficiently and confidently.

Yet, yes, I WILL admit this is also the lazy man’s version of “We can fix this/that!”  And the supportive husband’s way of dodging responsibility for things that he really ought to be he;ping his equal partner with getting done. But ask my wife: I don;t really do that. At least not often. I mean not everyday, anyway. What can I say? My wife is really great at getting shit done. Why should I get in her way!?!

  1. I trust you more than anyone.

Your wife is your partner. Let her know she has your trust and that your trust is a gift she has earned time and again. And don’t just give this lip service, either, fellas. You’ve got to do it to say it. And after all, doesn’t she deserve your trust? After all, you chose to entwine your lives together…and if you can’t trust her as much or more than anyone else, what exactly would that be saying about your judgment? Women who regularly hear this from their husbands will do everything in her power to continue hearing this kind of praise.  

  1. I love growing old with you.

Let her know that aging together is a treat. You don’t have to go so far that you arrange for your bodies to be frozen together after you die. Burial while alive is creepy, King Tut. She should at least get to die naturally after her Pharaoh shuffles first off this mortal coil. 

But you can tell her that instead of an over-priced wooden box, ridiculously pricey funeral home send-off, and absurdly expensive plot of muddy earth in which to turn to dust (after being eaten by worms)... you’d prefer to have a cryogenics budget to freeze the two of you in the same facility after each of you dies (you know, on the off chance that one day in the future the scientists invent a way to reanimate a corpse AND solve the lifespan issue that kept the two of you from enjoying each other’s company for a few hundred more years).

Let me know how that convo works out. My wife thinks I’m at least a little crazy for wanting to do this completely romantic thing that only costs a teensy, weensy amount less cashola than a 2 bedroom house in California.

  1. Marriage can be hard, sometimes. But I'm still so glad I married you.

This phrase is the proverbial “two birds with one stone”. You have a tough week or day in your relationship-- or even just a tough hour-- and you say this to acknowledge that yes A GREAT MARRIAGE TAKES WORK, COMPROMISE, AND SACRIFICE. 

And then you defuse most or all of any lingering bad feelings from a fight by stating unequivocally that no matter what harsh words may have been spoken, or what non-desirable action she did against your will or wanting…you nonetheless can do the math and calculate that offsetting that little negative is so much more positive.

  1. Let's get some exercise together today. 

Exercise is good for your heart, your mental health, and your waistline. A couple having a sweaty exercise session together can be sexy, too-- and showering together is fun. See the next phrase you should say to your wife besides “I love you”.

  1. Shall we shower together?

Ummm….yes?!? Let her know her body is God’s gift to the foggy mirror you absolutely have to wipe off immediately after showering so you can see her glistening hotness double. Need I say more? Or are you smart enough to figure this one out, champ?

  1. How can we get more time together, just us? I want more time with you!

Even a woman who prizes her alone time, hobbies and personal interests will probably welcome hearing this from her man. Let her think about it, and don’t volunteer to insert yourself into this or that activity she does by herself. Humans NEED time alone for various reasons. Give her time and space to answer your request without feeling pressured in the moment to propose something she may later regret-- or agree to your proposal she may later resent. 

TIP: demanding that she include you in her monthly female cousin’s dinner, weekly “Wine and Bunco” night exclusively for the ladies, or turning her mindless, Candy Crush Saga, daily downtime twiddling her thumbs before bed into a multi-player, midnight smartphone game are all very bad ideas. 

But if you don’t get a concrete when/where/what/how answer from her within a week or two, don’t be shy about patiently and regularly continuing to ask again, either. It’s flattering to know you can’t get enough of her. And it’s sexy as hell for her to hear and see you’re respectfully continuing to state your desire for more quality time-- and not accepting silence as an answer. She’s just that awesome, right? And TBH she deserves more time together with such a strong, confident, intelligent-- and let’s not forget handsome-- hunk like yourself.

  1. I appreciate you. 

A man can show he’s attentive and not taking his wife for granted when he recognizes that many of the things she does for him and for their family are not just everyday tasks…but genuine acts of service showing her love. 

  1. I'm still crazy about you.

Whether you've been married for one year, five years, 25 years or a friggin’ half century or more, be sure to let your wife know that you're still head over heels for her. Bonus tip: There are few more impactful “positive reinforcement” statements you can make to a partner, so don’t feel guilty to exclusively use this power phrase only right after she’s done something you want her to do more often!

  1. You're my best friend.

Your wife isn't just your wife or lover; when marriage is really good, she's your best friend too. Call out the awesome best friend in your significant other.

  1. What do you want to do?

She’s your other half and your partner in crime. Her opinions are valuable. Her desires for how you two ought to spend your time together are valuable. Be sure your wife has a say-so in how you spend your free time together. Except…mix that inclusive attitude most days with sometimes employing the direct, Caveman-style “here’s what we’re gonna do” approach detailed below instead.

  1. I’ve made plans for just us tonight. We’ll be gone ‘til midnight. I want to leave within the hour. Go get ready.

Does that surprise you? A man with a plan being forceful, assertive and sure about what he wants with and from a modern woman? Maybe it does, but it shouldn’t. In our experience, even with the legal, technological, societal and financial advances that have allowed women to choose NOT to have a man in her life…little to nothing about how a woman is wired biologically has changed since we lived in caves. 

Even a woman with zero historical need for a man, who earns money from her own work and investments, can take care of her own safety and sometimes wants to go her own way for leisure time…she can’t quite help feeling secure, protected, cherished-- and a little excited-- when the “Caveman Husband” man she chose to spend her life takes the lead, talks this way and-- within reason-- won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.  

Just don’t do this advanced marital-relations strategy too frequently or she may feel taken advantage of (even if the ‘submissive wife’ roleplay can be fun every once in a while even for powerful, competent women). Ignore testing out this one at your peril, guys! It’s not politically correct in the 2020s to say so, but when she joins you as the submissive partner in this dominant man frame you’ve set up for an evening (by saying yes to the date that was phrases more as a command than a request), she can be VERY OPEN to giving you exactly what you want… all night long. 

OTOH, when it doesn’t work, and your persistence pushing for the date tonight doesn’t pay off today…you can save this tactic for a future date and back away by saying “I was just kidding”. Then try again. When this works, it’s friggin’ magical-- and well worth trying until you crack the code on what you need to say and do for her to want to do it with you.

  1. Let me give you a massage, cutie.

Personally, I Iike to follow up a ‘yes’ answer with a multiple choice question, like this: “Would you like me to massage your A) Back and shoulders, B) Head and scalp, C) Feet, D) Hands, E) Thighs and Butt, F) Breasts, G) Vaginal, H) All of the above. 

It’s kinda implied that choice answers A, B, C or D are places on her body that need some non-sexual TLC, so you should keep your hands occupied where she wants-- and nowhere else. 

But if she says option E, F or G…it’s pretty safe for the husband to assume his wife also “wants the D”-- after you put in some legit work massaging the heck out of her and warming her up to lovemaking (yes, that was a dirty joke). And the H is about as close as some women will get to saying ‘break out the baby oil, big boy, and you’re gonna get laid! Or, you know, coconut oil if she happens to be one of those ladies who-- like Mrs. Cubic Zirconia-- likes the slick, sexy sensations of a body lubricant during massages…but flat-out hates the strong smell of baby oil.

  1. I've got your back! 

It's so special when your spouse has your back. Mrs. Cubic Zirconia once told me that with my support, she feels there’s nothing she can’t do. I thought it was important enough to write down. And while I’ve never forgotten it, I don’t say these exact words very often. But I do try to make her feel this way all the time. 

She knows I’ll support her-- even when she fricks the frack up. She knows I trust her judgment and admire her will and skill to make things happen. If something she tries doesn’t work out, I’m going to hear her out, make her feel less guilty for taking a chance or a risk, forgive if necessary, and re-commit to her that I see her as an equal partner who can and should take the initiative to try new things (and risk mucking it up). I don’t know your special lady, but I suspect she’;ll become even more awesome during your marriage if you encourage her this way, too. 

  1. I love the passion you have for ______.

Whatever she’s passionate about, tell her you love that passion. It could be rape advocacy. Breast cancer fundraising. Being a great mom, training dogs, biking insane distances, or recycling. 

You might even wanna say that if she’s into a sports team you don’t particularly like because they’re the rival that often trounces your own favorite team (although it’s totally understandable if you’re not gonna do that-- in theory it’s a nice thing to do-- but I too won’t be doing that craziness I read about once in a “how to be a better husband” article on the interwebs. No doubt that ‘advice’ was likely written by a clueless, pocket-protectored guy who couldn’t tell you the difference between a field goal and an infield).

  1. Forget about it.

Don’t let her agonize over a mistake, argument, or choice that went wrong despite her best efforts. Hindsight is 20/20 and she should hear that with the situation she had you think she took the best action and/or made the right choice and/or said something that was completely reasonable. 

If you tell her to “forget about it” and she stubbornly keeps chewing over the same crap, guilting herself and making herself miserable with second guesses…you have my permission to Youtube karaoke sing the “Let it Go” song from the Frozen movie

Probability of her response IMHO is probably: 50% She laughs and lets it go; 30% She doesn’t quite let it go but she doesn’t mention it to you again just to avoid listening to you sing a song in the POV of a teenage female again; 10% She gets irritated enough to leave the room and does not let it go; 7% She does not let it go and brings it up every day forever;  2% She does not let it go and files for dissolution of marriage; 1% She stabs you with the nearest sharp object. 

Don’t blame me if you wind up dead or divorced, dude. I told you something bad COULD happen. You’ll have to decide for yourself whether the successful options are worth the risk of an undesirable reaction. 

  1. Thank you for showing me how I did it wrong.

There’s little sadder in marriage than one spouse who feels he/she cannot give constructive criticism to his/her insecure spouse without touching off a depression or angry outburst from him/her (eventually they stop talking about those things they consider important but don’t want to deal with an argument). 

We’re not saying to be a lapdog who says this every time she says something that might be critical…but if you feel it, say it. A husband with the personal security to admit when he’s done something wrong and actually thank his wife for pointing it out to him is extremely attractive to many women (and when done consistently, results in a more respectful way of feedback from one’s spouse than negative nagging).

  1. You were/are absolutely right.

Acknowledge when you're wrong and she's right. Validate your wife's good sense. It's not always easy for us guys to do, but it'll make a big difference in your relationship when you give her the credit she deserves.

And there’s no statutory time limit on fixing your infraction, fellas. It’s better at the moment of a mistake. But an hour later, she’ll still be glad to hear it. A day later, too. Even seven years if you get the itch to admit that one time 7 years ago you were wrong and she was right…it still gets you serious points (just not as many as you’d have gotten if you wised up sooner). 

  1. The best is yet to come.

Sure, things today might be good already. But life in a few short tomorrows can be GREAT if you all make it happen together! Conversely, things might be rough right now in your life, marriage, fitness, family or finances…but that’s just temporary when you put your minds to it and your back into it with a real plan for real change and improvement.

Your wife needs to hear your confidence on this question, gents. Just don’t mislead her. That’s one of the worst kinds of cheating in a romantic relationship-- to give your partner hope for a better future and then sit on your ass rather than do what's necessary to make it happen. 

Be man enough to show up daily and make this promise TRUE sooner than a vague “someday”. It may not be politically correct to say so in the modern world of independent women, but IMHO this is damn near JOB #1 for a man in marriage. Believe it. Say it. Be willing to bust your butt to prove it and you’ll have the respect of the most important woman in your life. 

Let’s wrap this puppy up, studmuffin.

Letting her know how special she is and that needing her and loving her is only part of the story of your desire to have her in your life now and forever. 

These words will help you TELL her how very much you cherish and appreciate her. 

Regularly putting one of these in a text message, tagged public social post, private email or live-and-in-living-color conversation will SHOW her you’re never gonna take what she brings to your marriage for granted. 

They’ll remind her WHY you love her so much and how she makes your life better each and every day far better than just the-- too often perfunctory and routine-- ‘I love you’ way too many husbands default to saying as their sole contribution to the positive and marriage-affirming art of wifely praise and compliments. 

It’s my sincerest hope that these phrases to tell your wife in addition to ‘I love you’ will inspire you to tell your leading lady what she means to you. After all, Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I didn’t invest a thousand bucks in labor costs to create such comprehensive and useful content as this article. We did that so maybe you’d buy something from our store, homie (finally!). And also because I know that when you DO REMEMBER to tell her something wonderful like these phrases at least once per week, she's bound to reciprocate with words and deeds that let you know that you're pretty special, too.

Once per week? It’s easier than you thought, bro. 

We’ve just given you 52 things to say -- just pick one make-her-feel special phrase per week and tell her what she wants, needs and/or desires to hear from her man; yep, we’d recommend you set an alarm on your phone with this link saved in the notes as a reminder

And we did it on New Year's Eve-- so you can make this a resolution we believe you can commit to and keep in just 5-10 minutes per week!

OK grasshopper. Listen to a guy who’s made just about every “no-no-he-didn’t!” mistake in the marriage manual and is forgiven each and every one of them in part because I committed to love, serve and protect my wife the ways she needs to be loved and served and protected. 

My promise to you, pal: Talk with your wife like this, and follow through on the promises made inherent in these phrases-- and you’ll melt her heart, flirt like a king showing your queen you find her as desirable and as sexy as you ever did, confirm her trust that she’s safe with telling you anything under any circumstances, decrease her stress, up her confidence, make her feel listened to and understood, increase the dopamine hit of feeling appreciated, renew her attraction for you, and re-affirm why she married you in the first place. Oh yeah, and blowjobs too.

-- Mr. Cubic Zirconia

P.S. I can’t make it so a woman can’t find this article-- and I wouldn’t want to, either. 

So if you’re a married lady and you read ‘n’ agree with these 52 talkin’ tips for husbands…we recommend you share the link on social media so he’ll see it. 

HINT, HINT hubby.