“If what's annoying you won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes feeling upset about it.” 

That's today's blog topic: what we call ‘the 5x5 rule of marriage’. 

If you live with someone-- anyone-- it’s a given that you’ll feel annoyed from time to time. It’s a universal truth that people rub each other the wrong way sometimes-- no matter how close you are and no matter how much love you feel for another person. 

Only you and your spouse can decide how much those annoyed feelings will damage your relationship. We say that by applying the 5x5 rule of marriage whenever possible, you can prevent the 'little things’ from causing too much damage. 

Small annoyances don’t need to cost you your relationship with your husband or wife. In other words, today’s article is a way for married couples to practice the old advice of “don’t sweat the small stuff!”.

Let’s talk about some of the small stuff that often upsets husbands and wives and how you can apply the 5x5 rule of marriage when you get annoyed. If it doesn't pass the rule, and it won’t matter in 5 years…our advice is just to feel your feelings for no more than 5 minutes…and then just let it go. If you think about one of our examples, and for you it WILL matter in 5 years, then that’s something worth working on together as a couple: talk to your spouse in those cases, and try to solve the issue together because the effort is worth it if it protects your marriage from a premature death.

50 Annoying Things That Upset Us (But For Most Couples Are Probably Worth Following the 5x5 Rule of Marriage and Letting These Small Annoyances Go)

1. Loud Chewing

Unless you have a medical condition (misophonia), his/her irritating yet ultimately small-annoyance habit of eating loudly probably isn’t gonna matter too much over the long haul. Thus, it's probably best to get over your dining displeasure and let your spouse eat with oblivious pleasure. You may still wish to remind him/her of this bad habit before company arrives for dinner (but please, do so as gently as possible). 

2. Stealing the Covers

Generally, spouses don't do this on purpose. Often, they're asleep and don't even realize what's going on. If you're routinely waking up freezing your butt off, don’t blow up in anger or blow up an air mattress for singles in the other room. Instead, maybe you want to invest in his and her European-style, double twin bed comforters for the win!

3. Leaving Dishes and Utensils All Around

We’ll admit this is annoying: to find cups, spoons, bowls, forks and plates all over the house. It ain’t something that’s gonna matter in 5 years for most reasonable people. They usually know they’re the culprit and probably have at least a little guilt over their lapse. We say just ask your spouse to go on a dish hunt before you turn on the dishwasher. This is small stuff, okay? Don’t let this small annoyance ruin a marriage.

4. Forgetting to Turn off the Lights

You have our permission to remind your spouse about the waste and expense of leaving lights on no more than once per week, but don't let his/her seemingly grasshopperish inability to remember to turn off the lights when leaving a room be the thing that will ruin your marriage mood. After all, over the next 5 years we aren’t talking about a huge money drain-- just a small electricity leak, the cost of allowing is much easier for a saver ant to pay than the cost of losing your lover. You may wish to read: 9 money-saving tips (a saver ant marries a spender grasshopper).

5. Talking during Favorite Shows

When she talks too much during the football game or you talk during her mystery show, you kind of have to expect a little bit of the cold shoulder. When you respect your partner's favorite activities, including the sedentary watching-the-screen-because-I-am-vegetating-here, it protects your partnership. If it’s urgent and important, turn the TV off and apologize before explaining what’s up. If it’s important but not urgent, you can jot down your thoughts privately but discussing it can likely wait til that favorite show is over. If it’s neither urgent nor important, you’d be a bit neurotic to get upset over that for more than a few minutes. Unless we’re talking about trying to interrupt our annual rewatch of “Game of Thrones” -- then whatever it is, you can wait until the next season is over LOL (and if so, you’ll probably like to read: 16 Lessons from the Tyrion Lannister School of Life and Love (and Wine)).

6. Clothes All Over

Both men and women can be guilty of leaving clothes all over the place. If we follow the sometimes too-true stereotypes, it's his dirty clothes that get discarded willy-nilly and her failed first attempts to put together a flattering outfit that weren’t put away. Either way, we say never mind for all but the worst offenders here. Sure, the general cleanliness of your house will matter for the next 5 years, and you may really want a cleaner and less-cluttered house, but this small habit isn’t likely to cause complete casa catastrophe. You’ll get the clean and uncluttered home you want by gently reminding, not nagging, and yes if needed picking things up yourself as you see them. This one just isn't worth your marital harmony.

7. Eating in Bed

Some spouses like to snack before they hit the sheets, and others like to snack under the sheets. If you’re both bed eaters, there’s probably no issue. But for those who like a clean place to relax and sleep, rolling over into a smelly, greasy fried chicken stain or scratchy pile of cracker crumbs is something that’s no fun in bed. We actually know a couple whose marriage broke up over this bad habit-- so for at least some people it’s an irritation that cannot be easily forgiven. 

For others, it may be easier to adopt a no-food-in-the-bedroom or no-food-upstairs rule in your house. Or maybe you buy your significant other a lap desk or at minimum ask him or her to eat over a towel if they must eat in bed. One way to not let this crummy habit drive you to loathe your lover is simply to strip the bed the next morning and tell them it’s their turn to make the bed with new clean bedding before the next night’s sleep-- and why it’s their responsibility. We predict you’ll need to do it fewer than 10 times before they learn.

8. Making Small Assumptions About What Won’t Bug You

If your spouse habitually assumes that you won't mind if he/she invites company over for dinner, buying a generic substitute rather than his/her favorite food brand, or changes the TV channel without asking if you’re watching that, you can politely let them know that some assumptions he/she is making do in fact annoy you very much. In most instances, we cannot see small assumptions making a huge difference 5 years down the line. So the key here is to contain your fury to five minutes or less. Sure, state your case, counselor, but don’t have something that only matters very little be the reason the two of you need to go to couples counseling. 

9. Forgetting to Use the Calendar

Making plans and forgetting to put them on the calendar can lead to a scheduling mess and serious spousal stress for two people who want, need and/or expect to do certain things together. It's worth getting annoyed about, sure, and you can hear this one at any barbecue if you chat with a few couples and ask which of the pair is better at using the family calendar. 

But it’s just not something to be heated over for more than five minutes in most cases. However, it is possible this is one of the few annoyances we’ll talk about here that really could matter in 5 years (imagine you both are needed at an appointment to sign and notarize your wills…but only one of you shows up…and it’s the other one who dies prematurely without a signed last will and testament in a jurisdiction where spousal heirs aren’t automatic or simple). Hopefully, after either of you do this once or twice and mess up a big, important event, you'll learn the lesson and commit to being a better calendar couple.

10. Toothpaste Mess

If your spouse fails to clean up toothpaste in the sink (or on the mirror), it may simply be that they're rushed (as people often are in the morning). There’s nothing wrong with mentioning it, but don't hang your partner over a dental failing okay? The watchword is “slack” and if you give a little, you’ll get some back when you need that slack. Sure, YOU wouldn’t make that mistake…but there’s likely mistakes you make that he or she never would, right?

11. Snoring

Snoring sucks. Both Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia are allegedly snorers. The truth is: your spouse may not be able to ever help the squeaky, rattling, throaty, rumbling, mucus-y, caterwauling noises they make while sleeping. Best advice is to wear earplugs-- though that isn’t comfortable for some people, either. Snoring may be one of the biggest reasons couples today consider a “sleep divorce”-- where you stay together…but you sleep apart.

12. Pouting

Does your spouse sometimes pout when he or she don't get their way? It’s unfortunately more common than any of us want to admit. You might have to let them pout, but if so don’t feel bad about letting them do it alone. You should get to choose your mood and not have a negative feeling pushed on your from outside by the person who is supposed to help you protect your mind, body and spirit from the dangers life has for all of us. And it doesn't follow that you have to, or should, give him/her what they wanted and feared they wouldn’t get, either, before beginning their private pouting party. In most cases, an innocent though annoying habit of pouting a bit when he/she doesn’t get their way can be quickly forgotten and put beyond you. But if it’s chronic or you feel he/she is being manipulative with this intentioned behavior, it’s something you’ll have to address early in a relationship before it becomes a habit that could screw up your marriage for years to come.

13. Dying Your White Socks Pink

While it’s aggravating when your clothes are ruined, this common laundry lapse isn’t life changing and shouldn’t be wife-changing either. Clearly, it was an accident, right? We’re not going to place blame. Or criticize too harshly how dumb he has to be to put the red in with the whites and set the washing machine on hot water. And yeah, we know you would never do that, but your significant other and you’re two different people - and neither of you are perfect. The 5x5 rule of marriage has a “Socks clause”: whoever dyes the socks has to replace them with new ones. There: problem solved. 

14. Snarky Inlaw Comments

Inlaws can be a source of real complaint in any marriage (and real delight in at least that one couple’s life who responds snarkily to each of our articles that try to help the rest of us cope with expected and totally understandable in-law issues). Here’s a tip: be snarky with Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia all you want, and with each other if your marriage thrives on a sense of humor and flirtatious insults meant to goad him/her but not hurt him/her…but try not to be snarky, however, when it comes to describing people your spouse loves and for whom your feelings may not be as clear. Snark about inlaws can too often come across as hurtful and negative in those situations.

15. Crumbs on the Counter

Don't get annoyed, sweep everything on the floor with your hand and give him/her a broom and a murder look. Just gently ask your spouse to clean up their mess as soon as possible and try to be more careful next time. They might have 40+ years of marriage for most couples to figure it out-- and surely, dear God, that will be enough. Most spouses can be trained with a consistent system of rewards and punishment (as any wife could tell you). And if not, there’s always our advice for couples to hire a housekeeper.

16. Full Trash Bin

If one spouse always ignores the full trash can, that sucks. You may find yourself thinking ‘Am I going to be the only one to take out the trash for the next 40 friggin’ years?’ and swerving out of the 5x5 Rule of Marriage Lane into the road to rubbish. If you can put it into perspective, though, you’re likely to realize there are habits of your own that are just as annoying-- and create just as much work for your significant other to come along behind you and fix or clean up. By all means, when it happens for the second time this week, go ahead and address this trashy affair. Just please don't allow his/her inexplicable inability to take the goddamn trash out to cause you to become irate enough to bite their head off. Seriously, it’s such a small thing and there’s no sense getting upset at the idiot you married. 

17. Backseat Driving

Oooooh, we’ll admit this can be really annoying. You’ve got to stand up for yourself as the driver. Too much information is worse than too little, frankly; you cannot afford hesitation when piloting a multi-ton vehicular potential deathtrap. And here’s the key, and do it when you’re NOT making maneuvers in the car that require total concentration: define where as the driver you want help from your spouse and where you don’t. For example, when he’s the driver Mr. Cubic Zirconia likes the Mrs. to handle navigation, comment on driving speed and help decide if we stay on or get off a big road…but keep her mouth shut when it comes to moving around parking lots or passing strategy. Feel free to invite your spouse to always drive if they always know better. 

18. Overcooking the Meal

If your spouse isn't the superb home chef that you are, try to be understanding. They probably don't mean to overcook food. Don’t let the rubber chicken send you to a rubber room. You can take the responsibility to help kindly teach him or her to be a better cook-- and it’s quality time together, too. Get your fry daddy or meatloaf mama groove on with this article: Cooking for two: A recipe for couple’s cooking nights (the ingredients).

19. Forgot to use a coupon

If one of you is dedicated to using coupons and saving money on everyday items and big purchases, both, but the other is not…it can cause some frustration for the more frugal of the two of you, sure. And you might even make the argument that a habit of overpaying can matter 5 years down the line. But this is probably one of those times where the little stuff can slide and you focus on the big purchases. One way to do that is to decide as a couple that each of you will be consulted on buying items over a certain price. That way, you can make sure he uses that 15% off CubicZirconia.com coupon you got from being on our email newsletter.

20. Empty Containers

It’s a simple 4-step process, people: 1) notice it’s empty, 2) trash or recycle the empty package, 3) get the next one from the pantry ready to open, 4) note if needed to buy more on the shopping list. 

If your spouse regularly puts empty cereal boxes back on the shelf, you don’t have to be mad for 5 years or even 5 minutes. Simply stop buying the cereal they like if the Fruit Loop you married can’t be bothered to put it on the grocery shopping list themselves. 

21. Working, Playing or Talking on the Phone (and Ignoring You)

You can’t have quality time with someone whose ears and/or eyes are glued to the little device screen in the palm of his/her hand. Playing games, scrolling social, talking or texting all the time during dinner or while alone and spending time with you just isn't a polite partnership practice. Sure, you can let your spouse know that it's rude and hopefully, they'll make an effort to curtail this bothersome behavior. 

But here in the 2020s, cell phone addiction is real and if they have a problem, they may need loving help beyond their spouse to confront the issue successfully. Failure to confront this seemingly small thing despite repeated requests from your significant other is how something that ought not bug him/her for more than a few minutes can become a deal-breaker that leads to divorce. 

In our experience, rather than nagging over this issue, it’s simply easier to show that spending time with you is more interesting than whatever they’re doing while ignoring you-- and much more effective at changing a behavior than silently fuming (or loudly raging for that matter).

22. Dog Earing my Books

Dog-eared books are a legit cause for divorce. There. We said it. Tell your spouse that your books are now and forever off limits. Just kidding. Well, no, not really. IYKYK, dear reader. Maybe there are some couples who both read the same books and you can simply adopt a rule that “if it’s in the home, it’s OUR book rather than his or her book”? That could probably work for at least someone out there, right?

There is one forgivable method of marking up your lover’s book, though: Romance Tip: Private Message In a Book Just For Her (written by Mr. Cubic Zirconia about a gift for Mrs., but no matter who is the reader in the relationship, his/her partner could also do this for him/her).

23. Stale Chips

You buy chip clips and ask your spouse to use them with genuine pleading in your heart. They don’t actually refuse, but despite several tearful interactions where they admit to failing you again on this critical issue, the behavior isn’t changing. And now you’re not just dealing with stale chips but yeah there was actually a roach inside the damn bag this past week. Uggghhh disgusting, right? 

How to drive the message home that this behavior is simply unacceptable is up to you, friend. But one thing we’d recommend is this: surprise them with a temporary sleep divorce after you crush up the chips and sprinkle the potato powder on their pillows while you settle yourself for the night somewhere else and rub your hands with glee imagining their yowl of discomfort when they discover the snack attack you launched.

You know, if you are one of those people who believes in the value of a good prank to get your point across to your spouse, after you potato powder his/her pillow, have a look at this article on 25 epic spouse-on-spouse pranks that are (mostly) good-natured and only partially cruel and unusual.

24. Falling Asleep While You’re Supposed to Hang Out

This happens to everyone, okay? Whether the cause is work exhaustion, parenting pressure, a bad day, over-stimulation, you could keep listing all sorts of things that have nothing to do with you. Does that mean it doesn’t happen when your partner is bored with you or desires to avoid sexual contact? No, that happens too. But it doesn’t make you boring or unattractive. Be annoyed a bit if you want, but then let it go.

25. Walking On Indoor Floors in Outdoor Shoes

So you want to keep those nasty sole-surprise germs outdoors, too? It’s beyond Mrs. Cubic Zirconia why some people in her home-- naming no names-- cannot for the life of them seem to realize that all shoes are poo shoes. Who wants to track that shit in the house? 

When you buy your errant spouse some house shoes, do it with love. 

Optional tip: throwing the house shoes at your husband who forgot AGAIN to take off his dirty frickin' tennis shoes when coming into your clean house.

26. Not Putting Tools Back

Sometimes people forget and don't mean to be inconsiderate. Unless this becomes a habit, try to chill out on this one. It’s not gonna matter in 5 years, 5 months, or 5 weeks that you had to spend an extra 5 minutes looking for a hammer you don’t use every day because he/she didn’t put the tool back where it goes. Wooo-sa, okay, fury fighter? Of course, if you’re spending 5 minutes every day trying to find where he/she put the same something that you do in fact use every day, well that’s just crazy. If a few consistent requests to make putting this specific item away important are ignored, we recommend hiding it and making them beg to use it next time.

27. Inattentive to His/Her Hydrating Needs

Does your spouse often make themselves a cuppa but forgets to ask you if you’d like one, too? It’s a crime of omission rather than commission, but some partners just can’t seem to forgive this one. Whether it’s a big liter jug of hydrating water, a steaming mug of morning coffee or an early evening cocktail-- in most cases, we think it’s a wonderful habit to think of your partner when you go to quench your own thirst. If you can do it, do it!

Do it for them and expect that they’ll do it for you, too-- and even if you spend a few dry, dusty years without delivered libations, you’ll probably eventually be proven right. Your other half might just be forgetful for a decade, but if they’re anything like some couples we know where only one of two is naturally selfless beverage sharer, we will say this is definitely a learnable habit. And even those couples where one does it naturally and one rarely thinks to do so, would be quick to tell you that if he/she is willing to ask, that the other is almost always willing to get you a drink, too. You hereby have permission to  reinforce the learning of this habit by drinking your husband/wife’s drink yourself when necessary.

28. Signing Up for (Another) Streaming Account

Couples should discuss signing up for recurring expenses. Important! Couples should discuss signing up for recurring expenses.  This is worthy of a conversation, because small habits for small expenses can add up to a 5 year financial plan in shambles because of impulse purchases only one of you wanted. But please don't let his/her one impulsive decision ignite your temper for more than a few minutes, okay? Just ask if he/she is willing to agree that well before that tempting free/discounted trial offer is over, the two of you will decide together whether this new monthly cost actually fits into the budget.

29. Failing to Refill the Toilet Paper

OK, so maybe it’s not going to matter in 5 years but this one is so hard to forgive more quickly than before the ‘5 by 5 marriage rule’ and its allowed 5 minutes. We’re gonna leave this item nominated by a CubicZirconia.com shop staff member for this list…but with the caveat from Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia saying that it’s just really inconsiderate to walk away from a bathroom trip and leave refilling the TP to be the next person’s job. 

If the house isn’t burning down or flooded with water, there’s simply no excuse for this shitty failure of basic human decency. Ask your spouse to be more mindful if he/she makes this mistake more than once. If they can’t get the lesson, you have our permission to simply put all the toilet paper in the house into a backpack and carry it with you.

30. Contradicting You in Front of Others

Don't get mad. Goosfraba. Just tell your partner to stop doing this irritating ish. Then send them to timeout in the corner to think about how badly they just fucked up. 

Wait, that answer doesn’t seem to fit our list of “50 annoying things that upset us, but are worth letting go within 5 minutes”, you ask? 

Don’t care. Leaving it in the article. 

Just don’t contradict your partner in front of others when there are so many ways to discreetly chat about something if they need to know something but you think they’ve got it incorrect.

31. Overspending on Small Personal Items

Overspending on anything can be a financial problem just buying a one-off item, and over time and across many such purchases, it’s a habit that can sink a house’s finances. If the small amount of money isn't a big issue, try not to be too angry about what your spouse finds valuable for themselves. We all deserve a splurge or two (within reason). Try to save your energy and logic for helping him/her rein in expenses on things you know are consumable or recurring in nature. 

Sure, he paid too much for the barstools but you aren’t gonna need more of those. But that $75 beard oil he claims is so awesome, but you’ve got 5 stacked up under the bathroom sink because the purchase was set up on a monthly auto-ship and he doesn’t actually use it every week (much less every day)...well, that’s a perfect example to show him/her where this habit has become a problem.

Worried that her shoe-collecting habit might break your bank? This may be a good time to review one of our all-time most popular relationship articles for married couples: 9 Common BIG Fights Couples Have (And How to Avoid Them Causing a Divorce) 

32. Snacking Before Dinner

If your spouse snacks before dinner, it's not necessarily a reflection on your cooking. Don’t take it personally. Mention it only if you must, but by no means should you get overly upset. Come on, are you really that insecure?

33. Being Too Persnickety

If you or your spouse are too persnickety about how things should be done, you'll have to remember that your partner has their own ideas about performing tasks too. And most of those tasks won’t matter in the long run-- certainly not more than a healthy mutual respect in your marriage. Give it the 5 minute annoyance it deserves and if you know in your heart it won’t matter in 5 years, just resolve to let it go. The alternative is to be so overbearing and neurotically require things to be done in only your way, so much so that you push him/her to leave you because they simply don’t feel it’s worth putting up with your OCD. 

Note from the Mrs.: this is especially true when Mr. Cubic Zirconia cannot even explain why his way is better and yet insists that it is ‘the’ way; good luck with that, buddy. 

And please don’t ask us to define ‘persnickety’. God, how fussy are you?

34. Chatty Cathy

Does your spouse’s habit of flirting with restaurant servers make the hungry anger sharks swim in your brain looking for an ass to chomp on? Maybe you just married someone who’s more social than you. Or maybe you have bad breath tonight. Cut them some slack, and brush your teeth (just be sure to clean up your toothpaste mess from the sink, miss/mister (see number 10 above). And then flirt with him or her your own self!

It’s been proven again and again that flirting is healthy. A happy couple should want more of it in your lives, not less. 

35. Mess in the Microwave

We’re sorry if you’re the clean one dealing with a messy mate. Not easy to live with someone that cannot seem to see the same messes you can see. Take it from Mr. Cubic Zirconia: “I never would have married a woman who made this meal-time mistake. Luckily, the women before the woman I married failed this important compatibility test-- or I never would have stayed single long enough to fall in love with my soulmate.” 

If you had the misfortune to marry a microwave mess-maker, we’d say just ask them to clean it immediately and hand them the cleaning supplies. Don't clean their sauce splatter and crumbs yourself if you know you’ll only get angrier. But if you can clean it up yourself and woo--saa let it go, that’s probably healthier than tossing all their prized metal items in the microwave and hitting the start button.

36. Interrupting You

You’ve got maybe 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 or more years together with the person you married. So this one is gonna matter for more than 5 years. But you can’t let it bother you for more than 5 minutes if you’re going to maintain some degree of sanity in the home. There’s nothing wrong with a gentle daily reminder for your interruptasaurus spouse that you’d prefer not to be interrupted when you are working, talking, reading, watching a show or whatever. 

We hear it pretty often that this is one they wish had changed-- and thought would change-- after marriage…but it doesn’t, not really. Your interrupter may not even realize he or she is doing it, or that in doing so they are preventing you from doing something you love. 

But you can certainly remind them! And make it easier for them to exercise a partner’s patience when you turn 100% of your attention on them when they make a bid for your eye and ear at the times when you aren’t already busy with something else.

37. Not Listening / Tuning Out

If a spouse suspects they're being tuned out, they're bound to be annoyed. Try to focus, fella. Get your eye-gaze game face on, gal. If you can't focus on what your husband or wife is trying to say to you, you should politely ask them to converse later instead of nodding your head and pretending to listen-- or worse, hearing them make noise but the actual words they’re saying are going in one ear and out the other because you aren’t actually listening. 

And it might seem to the offending party that the problem was a 5-minute problem…but to the offended party, your habit of bing out and not listening to him or her was a 5 year problem. Remember: roses are red, violets are blue, and counseling is cheaper than divorce for two.

38. Pretending to Listen

Not being listened to over years is among the top reasons one partner divorces the other. 

That line above is by itself for a reason. So skimmers don’t miss it! It’s WAAY more respectful to take a moment and say “I’m sorry, honey, I cannot listen right now, but I’d like to talk with you about this later” than to pretend you’re listening and set him/her up for disappointment.

Pretending to listen might even be worse than blatantly tuning out your partner. 

Again, plan a conversation a bit later and it might even save your life! 

Yes, we said save your life and not save your marriage. 

Couples kill over this one, okay? 

Don’t let your lifespan be shortened to match your attention span. 

Any decent defense attorney could hang a jury including a few married men and women-- simply by saying that one spouse killed the other because the husband/wife was pretending to listen.

39. Compulsively and Unsuccessfully Trying to Fix Stuff Around the House

You can be annoyed by this, but don't let it escalate to anger. After all, even if the job doesn’t get done on time, or doesn’t get done at all…you’ll always have the tools required and the needed materials taking up space in your home. And that’s something, right?

40. Whining / Over-Complaining

We just covered how you shouldn’t make a habit of actively not listening to your spouse…but here’s the even darker side of that equation. Unfortunately, a spouse who repeatedly whines and complains about small things is asking to be tuned out. As Mrs. Cubic Zirconia might say about no one in particular: “Enough complaining! Don’t nobody got mental energy for that!” 

This one probably shouldn’t be on the list of things that won’t matter in 5 years so you shouldn’t worry about it for more than 5 minutes. But we had a time crunch when we went to publish this article after soliciting ideas from the team at the shop-- and somehow this serious issue made the cut and didn’t get cut from the article.

Being a whiny baby husband or wife can lead to bigger issues up to and including deafness, divorce, and death. After all, chronic complaining over years would be absolutely exhausting and the worst, right? But we’ll say each individual instance of whining shouldn’t bug you for more time than it takes to tell your partner firmly that their habit of complaining is unattractive and unhelpful and unlikely to result in better circumstances. 

You could offer some constructive advice. Give it no more than 5 minutes and then don’t be afraid to tell him/her to get with the positivity program because you’re leaving their pity party.

41. Serious Small Appliance Sliding

He/she pulls all small appliances out from the wall to use them. Think the coffee machine, ice maker, blender etc. But then he/she literally never pushes them back against the wall after use. We know couples that deal with this literally every day. It’s probably not a hill for your relationship to die on, though, is it? 

You may try getting his/her attention the next time by switching the plug to an extension cord and setting the small appliance they left out of place in the middle of the kitchen floor. It just might cause a new brain groove for them to finally remember to push it back after using it! Or maybe not…but it ain’t worth losing 40 years of happily ever after, is it?

42. Blowing Off Date Night

If it’s chronic, IOHO you and your spouse need some serious counseling. 

But every once in a while, if he or she doesn’t feel up to a previously-discussed couple’s outing, that isn’t something to blow your top over. 

The easiest way to make sure he/she wants more quality time with you is a simple 2-part plan: first, make sure they get his/her “me time” and second, make your planned dates fun. Here’s on way to do that: Pull a date out of a hat? (100s of go-to date ideas in 3 hours or less for busy couples).

43. Dirty Sink

Not everyone minds cups or dishes in the sink. Hey, some people have pet roaches. Yes, you can actually buy a pet roach in some places. If a sink full of dirty dishes gets under your skin, you have options. Have a talk with your partner and ask them to take a hand in the kitchen’s cleanliness, hire a housekeeper, or scream like a banshee. 

Some of those options are better than others. 

You didn’t marry a sponge who will soak up everything you want, but most wives or husbands can make some small changes when given the proper incentives. To be clear: proper incentive is not yelling or nagging. If gentle persuasion fails, keep you cool and recognize that your need for a clean sink frankly is your need and not his or hers. And if the need for that is more important than your marriage, well that’s a choice only you can make.

44. Overexplainer extraordinaire

If your spouse likes or needs to take a simple ‘yes or no’ question and turn it into a 3 minute mini-rant before actually answering in the affirmative or the negative, then you’d probably do just fine stuck almost-screaming in the mind between the ears and behind the eyes of Mrs. Cubic Zirconia. Yeah….about that, it’s damned annoying when you just want this person to get to the damned point. 

It may not be the kindest or most patient thing, but in our marriage we’ve got something that works to keep one of us at least sane…the overexplainer interjection second question ”annnnnd was that a yes or a no”? Said with a laugh, you’ll get away with it, too.

45. Pet Pallet Pals

Unless both partners are open to sleeping with a pet, it's best to buy Rover and Miss Kitty their own pet bed-- and insist that the pet uses it. 

Still, this is the kind of thing that upsets one person in marriage for literally years that could have been avoided entirely with a 5 minute conversation-- BEFORE you got married or moved in together: Most divorces are avoidable: 20 questions to ask before getting married 

46. Phone in Bed

In our experience, both men and women have this problem at times. And both parties might be guilty-- even when they are annoyed by the same habit in their marriage partner. Modern men and women are awash in a sea of screens and we’re all just trying to escape the current and get back to shore sometimes. Not for sex, because sex on the sand is an awful, irritating experience.  But, you know, because back on land is where you left your beloved when you went swimming past the breakwater into the muck of cyberspace. 

If you’re honest with yourself, you know you’d be better off if you asked your spouse if he/she would be willing to also consider committing to a “no-electronics in bed” rule. Even just as an experiment to see how it makes your relationship feel better or not. One bonus to the rule: you’re almost guaranteed to have sex more often when your hands and eyes are on your spouse instead of your screen. 

And if neither of you can give up the phone in bed for the long-term, try not to take it personally. As mentioned before, screen addiction is a real thing these days-- and it doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t okay if he/she wants to escape a bit with a Kindle book, or rousing game of Candy Crush.

47. Nutrition Slacking

Too much junk food can undermine the health of your loved one. Tell hubby you want him around as long as possible-- or at least until the life insurance matures. You can offer to prepare him a nice, healthy salad with dinner. If he refuses the tossed salad, don’t go all iceberg on him and toss out a perfectly healthy relationship just because he isn’t as healthy as you are (or want him to be). Simply say “Lettuce pray”, keep setting the healthy eating example and let it go after your five minutes of fury (at least until tomorrow at dinner time).

48. Being Needy

When one partner is always needy, it can get really annoying really fast. Again, this one is worth talking over, but you can't let your anger about a few small neediness episodes sabotage your otherwise-healthy relationship. In the short-term, offer some attention, some validation and then for the long-term continue to set the boundary that is comfortable for you. He or she will ‘get it’ eventually that what they need from someone doesn’t always have to come from you. Or, you know, you’ll be married to a clinger for life. Sorry about that.

49. Messy Car

No one wants to drive around in a messy car-- except maybe your spouse? If your spouse isn’t as conscientious as you are at keeping the vehicle clean, go ahead and have a talk with him or her. Ask your spouse to clean out the car they made messy-- but tell ‘em it’s something that can wait for the weekend. Be sure to keep the chat short and let them get back to whatever it is that they’re happily doing while you wish instead they were cleaning out the darn car. That way he/she can save their precious leisure time to actually do the cleaning of the car-- rather than talking with you about the cleaning of the car.

50. Remote Control Domination

This isn't fair in the 21st century and you might feel the very understandable desire to find another mate. Tell that inner voice he or she is being completely unreasonable.  If your spouse won't share the clicker and the power to choose sometimes, instead of leaving them on the couch alone forever, you might need to change the channel for yourself by choosing to watch TV separately. Quality time can be found without a screen, okay? And millions of marriages have survived the same thing.

While this issue didn’t make the list of important relationship topics we aired with movies in our article “List of Top Movies to Set the Stage for Crucial Couples’ Conversations”, it’s nonetheless interesting to think about what kind of shows you’d put on just to annoy your spouse if that’s what you felt like you needed to do

The 5x5 Rule in Marriage: Applying it Beyond these 50 Small Annoyances

The 5x5 Rule says “If it's not gonna matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being upset by it.” It’s an individual life philosophy, sure, but as noted it could be just as applicable (maybe even moreso!) to a marriage philosophy.

Even if one or more of these 50 example petty annoyances might burn your biscuits, frankly most of these marital miscues we listed are truly small potatoes. 

However, as you read over the list, you may have realized that there is one or more issue that seems to be associated with an ingrained, negative habit such as selfishness on the part of your partner-- something serious that may, indeed, have the potential to be bothersome not just for 5 minutes, but still a problem in five years or 50.  

Those are the exceptions to the 5x5 rule in marriage- and the issues that are worth putting in the time to address with your spouse. 

We don’t have much of any advice today for you on those.
  While we’ve written about more serious marital issues before, for the most part we’re happy just making and and selling high-quality precious metal jewelry paired with the world’s best cubic zirconia. 

But we did round up the marriage advice from couples happily married for 50 years or more-- and you should take a look if you’re enough of a masochist and sufficiently in love to want to make it that far. 

In closing, look…

The way you protect your own sanity without putting your marriage at risk, is to effect small positive changes in your spouse with a simple process:

• Ask yourself if it’s gonna matter in 5 years or not,

• Respond accordingly,

• being honest about the annoyance you feel, 

• speaking in a respectful way,

• asking him or her to consider your feelings, 

• feel frustrated for up to 5 minutes only,

• but then let the frustration go as quickly as you can-- 

• without holding a grudge or giving an ultimatum.

There are certainly issues that are worthy of lasting annoyance-- and arguably grudges or ultimatums, too! But this article hasn’t attempted to tackle those, okay? 

We’d be surprised if any person married more than 5 years couldn’t answer the question when asked: “What does your spouse do that you can’t help getting annoyed by even though you know it’s a small thing?”. 

But in general, all we’re saying is that if you can use the 5x5 marriage rule to let some of the small stuff go in 5 minutes or less, you and your spouse will be the better for it over the long run of your life and relationship together. 

We hope you enjoyed reading and spending part of your day with us today.

Remember how much you love each other-- and how love is often what we feel in spite of the imperfections of the one we choose to love-- and that hoping for a change to perfection in a partner is a losing proposition over the course of a relationship.

Warmly,

Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia