We're guessing that most of our readers and customers may experiment at times with something spicier than normal in the sex department, but that-- like us-- you, too, probably don't keep a gigantic motorized ‘cowgirl’ sex saddle or electronic blowjob machine in your closet.Some readers may find any discussion of “battery operated boyfriend”, dildos and g-spot gizmos controversial¹.
Even though there are women who’ve never experienced an orgasm-- and women who most predictably can come to orgasm only with the help of something besides a partner’s body parts utilized in traditional intercourse...We understand that today’s message isn’t for everyone:
- For some, there’s a shame factor with respect to sexual experimentation.
- There are those men who feel intimidated by vibrators.
- And some couples simply don’t see the value in sex toys at all
(hey, some lovers are into whips, tongue rings, sex swings and play with hot wax-- none of which, frankly, seems all that appealing in our opinion).
Yet more than half the world has a clitoris…and we’re gonna talk about it.
We take the position that mutually-consented sex toys are nothing to be ashamed of or intimidated by. As in, it’s something to consider and try if both lovers in a couple wanna try it. Like it or don’t like it, you can decide for yourselves.While we personally think sex toys can be a good addition to a consensual couple’s sex repertoire, we recognize that some readers may disagree.
No two couples’ lives are exactly the same.
In addition to who we choose to be our partner, we each have differences in how and where we work, when and what we eat, and so much more.
And when it comes to sex, that diversity tends to reflect some very different preferences for where, how, when, why and with whom we each “do it”.
Or the “who puts what where, how and when?” topic.
> That makes sense.
>> Variety is the spice of life after all.
The most famous of these optional orgasm-inducers is probably the vibrator-- sometimes known as a “battery-operated boyfriend” or “B.O.B. in the bedroom”.
These toy aficionados stock sex toys in the closet, under the bed, inside the bathroom cabinet or tucked in a top dresser drawer.
Whether it’s big or small, plastic or rubber, meant to be used for internal or external stimulation (or both), shaped like an egg or a man’s member-- or even custom-created from a mold of your guy’s actual penis-- those pulsating inches of pleasure can add something extra that, in our (probably uninvited) opinion, doesn’t require a guy to think “hey, I’m not good enough”.> What about you?
>> Something you do?
>>> Don’t do?
>>>> Tried one but didn’t like it?
>>>>> Won’t ever give sex toys a try?
For those who are curious about why some other couples do it, and those looking for a bit of validation that what’s hidden in your bedroom or bathroom is “perfectly natural” (as Jim’s Dad would say)…
Here are 7 reasons some couples
choose to use sex toys in the bedroom:
1) Reduce Performance Pressure
Everyone wants to make sure that their partner enjoys a 10 out of 10 erotic experience, but that's not always possible-- for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you had a tough week or just aren't feeling up to snuff. Maybe penetration would be painful tonight, or there’s some “struggle getting a stiffy”. These things happen.Rather than one partner feeling intimidated by the addition of “BOB in the bedroom” (battery operated boyfriend”) or some other sex-tech for his and her pleasure…we think a healthy couple ought to welcome whatever could take the pressure off. Properly used in a loving relationship, sex toys can assist each partner in having a guilt-free, rockin' time.
2) Encourage Exploration and SpontaneityThe Kama Sutra claimed there are 64 positions. If you’re young, pulling the trigger on one new sex pistol per month can lubricate 5 pretty adventurous years of what might otherwise be a dry and regular sex life. As we age, it might be a little tricky-- not to mention slightly hazardous-- to try all those crazy positions. A sex toy or three, though, can ensure that encounters are never ho-hum.
Using new sex toys can encourage couples to spontaneously try out new positions and inspire the two of you to get creative. Even if you love your consistent position and “how we’ve always done it”, there's no harm in the both of you together wanting to try something new from time to time…is there?
3) Introduce some Laughter
The understandably-charged issues of fertility and pregnancy* notwithstanding, and excepting those who have every right if they wish to practice sex only for procreation within the bonds of a religious marriage… maybe it’s worth committed couples realizing that sex doesn't have to be so serious.In fact, laughing in bed with your partner can help you both feel more comfortable in your own skin-- and laughter is probably exactly what'll happen when you whip out a neon green, pickle-shaped vibrator or a “tongue twister tornado”.
4) Stigma Doesn't Rule Your Life
Some people are concerned that using sex toys is somehow shame-worthy. Can’t really blame them, especially if he or she had a certain kind of upbringing. A small number of people may disagree, but frankly in our opinion-- and yes, we know we may take some flack for publishing this statement-- too much of that dying patriarchal culture was about controlling women.In today’s world, the empowered woman and her lover are much less concerned about some kind of antiquated social stigma: it's our bedroom, and it’s our rules.
You don't have to tell the neighbors or anyone else what you're up to².
Moreover, what stigma could apply to consenting adults?
Get Mrs. CubicZirconia’s permission
And approval on this draft
before sending this out
under her name.
5) Her Pleasure
There are some women who most predictably can come to orgasm only with the aid of something besides a partner’s private body parts utilized in traditional intercourse.
That’s not failure, fellas. It’s neither about her attraction for you, nor in most cases about your sexual prowess. It’s just science and physiology. Bodies are different. The sooner we put ego aside and recognize that, the healthier couples can be-- sexually, emotionally, and psychologically.Whether the answers are oral sex, sex toys, a sneaky vibrator in the purse disguised to look like a tube of lipstick or whatever-- it’s the unselfish couple who aims for mutual sexual fulfillment, and does what it takes to achieve it (without guilt).
6) Sex Education
Sure, maybe many of us would like to think we’re a stud or a goddess in the sack. But love-- and the pursuit of pleasure-- are not absolute, but iterative. Practice makes perfect. Your ability to please your partner ought to grow over time in a healthy relationship!There's nothing wrong with more education. Watching your partner use a sex toy to pleasure herself or himself offers great insight. You can see what turns them on and what helps him or her reach new levels of satisfaction.
7) Eliminate Your Curiosity
If you've thought about giving sex toys a try but still haven't managed to purchase one, just consider how gratifying it could be to put to bed your curiosity?X-rated gadgets and gizmos, vibrators or dildos might not prove to be your cup of tea. Your partner might laugh at a surprise neon green, pickle-shaped vibrator and say ‘no’ to that… we’re just sayin’ why not be open to something else new that excites you both?
Or the two of you may try sex toys and find that it’s simply not for you.
That's all for today!
We've probably already said too much, anyway.
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
¹ Our mission is to improve our customers’ relationships. In previous messages, we’ve discussed anger and arguments, death and grief, pregnancy and fertility worries, marital infidelity-- and all sorts of other non-salesy topics that have nothing to do with high-quality cubic zirconia jewelry…but nonetheless impact the lives of our customers (most of whom are couples). We ain’t about to hold back over some kind of dumb, patriarchal sexual taboo.
² Your bedroom, your rules, and nobody’s business. Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia don’t have to tell the world that ish about our sex life, either. Honestly, it’s kinda uncomfortable. But when we took on the challenge of building our company by sharing “his and her” relationship stories and tips for couples to live a better married life-- we made the decision to talk about the bad as well as the good, the traditional AND the uncomfortable.