The Key to a Healthy Relationship Is Engraved with the Word: Talk
Expert after expert encourages couples to talk.
Talk when your problems or secret desires are a molehill-- so you can prevent them from becoming a mountain-- or a hill your marriage goes to die on.
Small surprise “early warning” system
Here's how lots of marriages fail: one of the partners develops some interest or urge that he or she is ashamed of -- or is scared to talk to his/her partner about.
So they say nothing.
This closeting goes on for days, weeks, months, or years, until the secret gets exposed. Either the closeted partner gets caught with his/her pants down or he/she can't stand one more moment in the closet so bursts through.
Don’t blindside your partner one day and make them feel like they married a stranger when they find out you’ve always wanted to move to Spain, you hate your job and were just pretending to like it for years, or say it’s always been your fantasy to be handcuffed in bed.
Talk Small Stuff Daily
Daily communication is key.
Those desires don’t happen overnight.
The job didn’t please you years ago.
You’d been daydreaming over Spain and bookmarking websites for years before you ever said something to your life partner?
Nah, the best time to say you might like to try some light bondage role-playing in the bedroom was when it first occurred to you in 2015-- not after a decade of unrequited lusting for something that’s now built up so much importance in your mind that it may shatter you if your partner isn’t going to be into trying it.
Talk about the issues that frustrate you in order to confront them.
Talk about the things that excite you and plant the seeds for your partner to not be surprised later when a small interest becomes a bit obsessive.
If communication is so habitual that the partners talk about it the first day the job turns sour -- or the first time one partner thinks of some light bondage roleplaying in the bedroom -- no one will get blindsided.
Talk, Talk--No Secrets!
Keeping secrets can undermine healthy communication in a marriage.
Now, this might be a somewhat controversial stance, but secrets can erode trust in a relationship.
Sure, we understand the need for personal autonomy.
No one's suggesting that you have to spill the beans about every detail of each past relationship or offer up every thought that pops into your head to the altar of marriage, but you know the types of secrets you shouldn’t be keeping--or wouldn’t want your spouse to keep from you, don't you?
Secrets are masks for actions we've taken or may wish to take.
They become barriers between you and your spouse that have the potential to become insurmountable to get around.
We’re simply saying talk to your partner about what's going on in your mind and heart. Do it early, do it often. Don't blindside him or her with a major issue that you should have discussed with them when it was a minor one.
Speaking openly and honestly with your partner allows you to build trust.
Trust is never a given.
In fact, it may not even be a choice.
What makes us trust another person completely, so completely that we place our heart and well-being in their hands?
Typically, we trust because trust has been built over a period of time.
Talking with your partner helps you build and strengthen the trust you have for one another.
Failing to talk slowly erodes trust, and they can lead to a crumbling of your relationship.
Communication is the WD-40 of a healthy relationship.
It greases the wheels of your partnership and is crucial for keeping a marriage on track. And yet, even though the word on the importance of talking is out, according to some statistics we recently read…nearly 55% of marriages still end in divorce.
Improving one's ability--and willingness--to talk to their partner might not save every marriage, but the benefits of communicating together should not be ignored.
So let's talk!
Talk to Avoid Misunderstandings
No matter how well you know your partner, you might get the wrong idea at times.
You may not fully understand their signals, or simply not 'get it.'
The only way to clear up misunderstandings is to talk through them.
So, you agreed to go visit your in-laws, but made a half-hearted reply.
Your spouse took it as a full-hearted 'yes.'
On the day of, you're miffed that he/she didn't read you right, didn't pick up that you didn't really want to spend your only day off work that week with the in-laws you really don’t enjoy being around anyway.
This tension might have been avoided if you'd have communicated clearly (and the earlier, the better).
Humans contain deep, seemingly fathomless pools of thoughts and feelings.
Plus, our ideas and goals evolve over time.
Keep up with your partner's changes, keep learning about them as they grow.
At the same time, keep sharing your ideas.
So often, people in failed relationships came to a point when they simply didn't know each other anymore.
Don't let that predicament happen to you.
Keep learning about each other, and never assume that your knowledge of them won't require refining over time.
The way you talk to your partner will affect your relationship positively or negatively.
Yelling, cursing, downing your partner are signs of a relationship in trouble.
We all get angry. M
ake it a point to talk to your partner without allowing your anger to boil over into insults. Communicate about issues; don't let your differences lead to personal attacks.
Harsh words can diminish love, especially if they become habitual.
Speak gently with your spouse.
If you're too angry to manage that “say something nice” at least once adult tried to teach you, then don’t say anything at all (wait until your anger subsides--then talk).
Set Aside Time to Talk Big Stuff
Lots of couples take the communication thing for granted, but when life gets busy, quality conversation in couples can fall by the wayside.
If something is on your mind, let your partner know that you want to talk.
Set aside time to take a walk or sit down together at a coffee shop to discuss what's on your mind.
Trying to fit in important discussions on the phone when you're driving to work or on a lunch break isn't the ideal way to communicate about impactful issues.
Talking Feels Good
Communicating with your partner allows you to demonstrate your support for them and your relationship.
It helps us to grow our love too.
Feeling loved and supported feels, well, feels wonderful.
If we feel that our partner withholds their thoughts, ideas, feelings from us--it doesn't feel that great. Communicating even about the difficult topics is how we bridge those challenging times.
We think that daily communication is key to a loving and positive relationship. What do you think? We'd love to hear your thoughts about communication in a marriage.