To live is to risk-- and it always has been.The truth is, the moment you were conceived, you swam in risk.
From pregnancy and birth to a childhood of scraped knees, to growing up and driving a two thousand pound machine at highway speeds, you have always been at risk. Risks surround you, follow you and touch you daily.
And you’ve overcome many of these risks again and again!
Our life, our very breathing, the miracle of human life wherein an ugly heart every day pumps blood into miles of vessels throughout a beautiful body is an extraordinary event in and of itself.
And all the while that blood is pumping, we face risks. Risk of accident. Risk of hurt. Risk of sadness. Risk of loss. Risk of death.
We’re ALL risking things every day of our lives.
Indeed, just being alive here today to read this is in itself a succession of huge risks already braved and bested. Hold on to that thought, ok? Because therein lies a secret to happiness that my mother taught me as a young girl-- but which my husband didn’t learn until he was almost 35 years old.
Although we can't always control the risks to our physical person, many of us attempt to protect our emotional selves from harm.
We say life is risky, love is risky...count me out.
Or worse (we play the game without committing to it).
Yes, to love is to risk-- just as to live is to risk.
Yes, giving our heart to someone risks being hurt badly.
Yes, it could hurt to a degree from which we might not entirely recover.
Is love really worth all the effort when, in the end, it might not work? That we might have our hopes up only to find them dashed into pieces? After all, we see it happen all the time-- love goes bad. It’s fair to ask: do we really want to face the risk and give our hearts to someone who might not (always) deserve our love?Mr. Cubic Zirconia and I have talked about this.
Isn't that worth the risk of loss?
Our view is that love is risky, sure, but since life is risky, why not live life to the fullest and risk romance? You might suffer a broken heart but if you choose well and give it your best, you might win the kind of forever-love you want.
Isn’t it worth the times when you might NOT feel romantic about the person you do indeed still love?
Why is the Transition from Love to Marriage So Risky?
About half of marriages end in divorce.
First, the heartbreak part is real.
Yes, the risk of love and marriage is financial as well as emotional.
Loving someone who doesn't, ultimately, love you back or love you the way you deserve and/or desire can be a forlorn experience.
A failing relationship can lead to anxiety and even depression-- especially for people whose body chemistry makes them more vulnerable than normal to strong feelings
(yes, I’m talking about people like my husband, who can hardly get through an almost-perfect week’s vacation maintaining calm, patience and happiness without multivitamins, Saint John’s Wort and CBD oil).
The loss of love can leave even emotionally-strong people feeling mistrustful, angry, and hurt.
But what about the more material concerns? Let’s say a person decides to risk it all on that feeling of love he/she has for someone else. They get married and before a lifetime commitment is over they find they’ve not only lost their hearts to love, but also their home and a big chunk of their livelihood, too.
Dividing assets after a relationship breakup is like rubbing salt in a fresh wound.
It sucks to accept that kind of risk following the feeling of love to the institution of marriage. The risk of things going wrong with love is very real….but so is the chance for things going perfectly. Those who accept the risks with an open heart risk not just loss but chance for gain. You’re not betting not to lose…you’re betting to win!
And the winner is...?
Why Is Love Worth the Risk?
Love can be pure bliss when it's right, but you can't experience it if you don't take the risk of falling in love.Opening your heart to love may leave it vulnerable, but it also opens you up to personal growth and a greater likelihood for happiness.
It’s ironic, but true. By exposing your heart to the risk of possible harm, you also expose yourself to experience romantic love-- what may very well be among the best things that life can offer.
When love is good, it can inspire you to be your best, a person who radiates hope, contentment and joy.
Why Is Marriage Worth the Risk?
Some people are convinced that love is worth the emotional risk but marriage is not worth the material risks.What do you think?
And you may know that we were together almost a decade before marriage.
My husband Mr. Cubic Zirconia and I are strong proponents of marriage.
Why bother with getting married?
The benefits of marriage are worth the risk of loss of love, emotional hurt, depression, a failing relationship, a broken family, a division of assets.
You get married because you decide marriage is worth the risk.
We've weathered the ups and downs of marriages, and can say that sometimes things do go perfectly. Sometimes they don’t. But even during the tough times, we'd still rather be married than not.
Marriage to the person we love allows us to take on a very exciting state of mind. And that is this: anything is possible. Anything. And if anything is possible, the risk of things going wrong is very real….but so is the chance for things going perfectly.
Here's why we think marriage is worth the risk:
Having that special someone at your side to share the day is one of the advantages of marriage. Whether you're lounging on the couch, doing yard work, or attending someone else's wedding, you'll enjoy having your life-long companion and friend at your side.
When you marry, you have a mate for life. Sex may not be everything, but it's definitely something when you and your spouse are a match in the bedroom. Many people would say that sex is a basic human need; once you marry, you have your mate, and you have someone to cuddle with on cold, damp nights.3. Share the Work and Responsibilities
Having a partner means that you can share the load. You can take turns with chores like cooking or laundry (or you have more resources to hire someone to do that stuff). You can work together to make your home a place for you together.4. Someone to Rely On
Having a spouse means that you have someone to depend on when you get sick or hurt. Marriage affords a level of commitment that lesser commitments typically do not. Taking vows, in sickness and health, means that you both acknowledge the risks associated with life, but you're willing to be there for one another even when the chips are down and the future is uncertain.
5. Physical and Emotional Need Fulfillment
As emotional creatures, humans love. It's something we do, something most of us need. On some level, refusing to take the risk means that you lose out on love and the benefits of marriage without even trying.Of course, finding the right person, the right match, is the crucial point.
No, no one is denying that love involves real, serious risk.
It's important to find someone who deserves the effort you're willing to make and the risks you're willing to take for their sake.
So when you do find that special person, we hope you'll remember that life is risky, love is risky, but it can be well worth the risk too.
But what are you here for if not to live and love to the fullest?
I’ll leave you with one final thought today….
Love and marriage can be among the best parts of a life if you choose wisely.
Or the one where you played it completely safe, avoided risk, settled for less in life and love, and ended up with something not quite worth fighting to keep?
Which life would you rather have, one where you took on some calculated risks, found love, created a life together and did things others never dreamed of?
Was it a risk worth taking?
My future husband once told me he felt that was the biggest risk of all: to look back and wonder if your life mattered. At the time, he was justifying an investment in a small jewelry company instead of health insurance.
I’ll leave that up to you to decide.
All I can say was it was scary. And we had luck on our side.Love and laughter,
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
EDIT-- Post-publication note from Mr. Cubic Zirconia: Yes, some of the benefits my wife listed for marriage come from cohabitation. Especially for men. There are other benefits for love to lead naturally to marriage rather than just cohabitation-- especially for women. The book I noted above made those differences clear enough for me to realize after almost ten years together that I had better put a ring on it. Perhaps the day is coming when we should do an in-depth review of that book "The Case for Marriage". Hmmm...for now, I'll just say 'have a great day'!