A few weeks ago, I discovered a new word: affordibauble.
What's an ‘affordibauble,’ you may ask?
The definition of an affordibauble is an affordable jewelry item like one of our best-quality cubic zirconia engagement rings set in 14 karat gold..
Here at the shop-- we love words and lovebirds, too.
If you're planning to propose marriage to your sweetheart, these days the sticker shock may kill you just walking through the traditional entrance door to engagement in a retail jewelry store that stocks natural mined diamonds.
Even a simple trip for a thoughtful Valentines’ Day jewelry gift might set you back what you could have spent on a reliable used vehicle not too many years ago.
But if you shop for an affordibauble at CubicZirconia.com, you can buy a diamond alternative ring for a fraction of the cost of an expensive diamond bauble.
And live to tell the tale, too (if you want to tell: many of our customers let our inexpensive and flawless diamond lookalike just speak for itself with what we call “The Diamond Mystique”).
Merriam-Webster's may be in the word business, but we've got a word that saves you money!
Email-subscribing existing customers and first-time buyers who input the code word ‘affordibauble' with their online purchase of a select CZ ring or engagement ring can save some cash on its price (see email you were provided linking to this blog post for offer limitations).
Our AAAAA diamond-quality CZ rings are already a mere fraction of the cost of a natural diamond ring with comparable precious metal setting and 4C stone features, but our customers can save an additional 10% when purchasing online and using this special non-expiring code word: affordibauble.
CubicZirconia.com features a wide range of rings designed with the highest-quality 5A cubic zirconia offered by the one and only company at the center of the trend to dethrone diamonds.
Find ultra-modern rings, vintage-inspired rings, and traditional rings with classic appeal.
Our online store features multiple ring collections that are filled with the affordibauble rings customers give 5 stars-- and you can save 10% on any one of these precious metal + top-quality cubic zirconia rings (not just engagement rings).
Save 10% with an online purchase using the ‘affordibauble’ code word when you select one or more of these eligible affordibaubles:
Why do you want an affordibauble?
Because an unaffordibauble that features a natural, mined diamond is substantially more costly than a diamond alternative ring or engagement ring such as the high-quality, precious metal lookalikes made and sold by the one and only CubicZirconia.com.
The markup on natural diamonds continues to be exorbitant.
If you were to spend $20,000 USD on a diamond engagement ring, you could get a similar size center stone and setting design for $2,000 from our Kentucky jewelry shop.
That extra $18,000 you don’t take out of your bank account? We call it the “Diamond Dollar Difference”-- where likely not a soul you don’t want to know will know the difference between what you bought and the more expensive natural mined diamond…and it’s up to you (and your gift recipient) to decide how you all wanna use the savings. Car? Home down payment? Honeymoon? Home renovations? Wedding plan? College fund? It’s your call-- and that’s if you have the cash for either the affordibauble OR the unaffordibauble.
If you chose to finance a diamond ring, OTOH…you could easily end up spending 2 to 5 times its original cost over time on loans charges. UGGGHHH that type of expense can lead to considerable debt and a habit of buying more than a couple can afford.
CubicZirconia.com carries what we feel is the best-quality CZ jewelry available.
We invite you to browse our ring and engagement ring collections to witness our wide selection. One of the hallmarks of our store is customization. We customize jewelry to suit the need/preferences of our customers. Not only will you find most of our rings can be sized from US size 3 and up to 13 without additional fee (and bigger or smaller with extra cost), but those same rings can often be customized with any of our 12 standard precious metals, and set with a range of carat sizes from 0.25 up to 6.0 carats of any of often 6-12 different center stone shapes you can choose from for us to manufacture any given ring. Literally tens of millions of combinations in our catalog-- and that’s even before we’re hired to create something truly unique, just for you with our “design your own” bespoke ring custom program.
Just remember to include the new word "affordibauble" when you place your order online so you can enjoy extra savings on your purchase.
Our knowledgeable staff can also help you select or design a ring that's ideal for you.
-- Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>You might could say the love lives of Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe was a rocky road with some major ups and downs (not to mention a few nuts and some sweet marshmallows). At least, you might if you were writing this while thinking of Rocky Road ice cream. "Grab a spoon!"
Over the course of 234 episodes over 10 seasons bringing to life one of television's most iconic shows, the characters learned all sorts of lessons about life, love, and, of course, friendship. And we as viewers got/get to learn while watching, too.
My favorite thing about the show? Watch any one of them and it's more or less a complete story-- no need for any backstory or knowledge about what happened in previous episodes.
My second favorite thing though is the feisty, fresh and fun dynamic between the guys and the gals. And yes, I'm totally on board with telling a mansplainer telling me as a woman something by my very femininity I'll know better than he ever could from reading a book or watching some dumb documentary: "No uterus, no opinion!"
----> Never watched it? “Welcome to the real world,” our friends with Friends tell us.
“It sucks. You're gonna love it.” Trust me that almost everyone can find someone on the show that they identify with-- let me know who’s your doppelganger? It’s available for streaming with a few options I’ll note at the bottom of this article. These 1.1 million reviews will do a far better job of convincing you to give it a shot than I ever could by myself.
Anywho...I just recently re-watched most of the series this past year. So we got to talking about the show here in the shop.
Here's some of the romantic lessons we can learn from the Friends gang:
In our fast-paced, fast-food world, we're used to immediate gratification. But sometimes love takes time to grow. Just ask Ross. This quirky but lovable dork literally waited years-- since high school!-- for the gorgeous Rachel to feel any sparks for him.
If you're expecting love at first sight, just remember that it took thousands of glances at Ross before Rachel felt that funny feeling for him that he'd often felt for her!
Remember when Monica wanted to have a family but Richard, her eye doctor and 'older man'...didn't? Those two really did love each other. It was obvious even to a casual viewer that they enjoyed being in one another's company and truly cared about the well-being of the other.
However, their different life goals convinced them that parting was necessary. It may be a sweet sorrow, but the cast of Friends is here to teach us that some of our most important plans and desires just shouldn't take a back seat to our love life. As Ross might have shouted in glee: “Pivot!”
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"We were on a break!" is a recognizable phrase just about any Friends fan will get a chuckle Some people call it broken up. Others might have said separated-- or even temporarily separated. One of you thought for 4 months "we're still together but not together right now" and the other thought "We're on a break and I should date other people". |
Whoops, what about that hot sex with cool copy-shop girl? Gonna be a bit awkward when break time is over and it's time to tell the truth.
"I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
Weren't we all surprised when Chandler wound up back in bed with Janice?! Janice!The woman Mr. Bing was perpetually trying to hide from when she popped into Central Perk! And yet somehow, there she was fashionable dressed and appearing to attract Joey again and again season after season like the consummate re-run.
Well, the persistent perkster kept chasing and chasing Chandler until he finally broke down and decided he could handle spending time with her despite her annoyingly nasal laugh. But once she had him back in her clutches, OH-MY-GOD did he soon remember each time just why he was running away from her so hard.
When Monica and Chandler got together, they did their best to keep it hidden from all their friends. That wasn't so easy when Joey popped into the bathroom while the couple was taking a bubble bath and Monica was forced to hide underwater.
The secret twosome didn't want to change the whole group dynamic of the friends who were building roomies, but lying about their love wasn't the right answer either.
They don’t know that we know they know we know.
Eventually, bubbles aside, they had to come clean!.
Phoebe and Mike (played by the dashing Paul Rudd) had a good thing going. Naturally, that's when her ex, David, showed up to throw a curve ball at her love life.
Phoebe had to learn that her breakup with David was meant to be and that she valued her present relationship. The cast of Friends is there to make sure we understand this valuable relationship lesson: Don't let your past get in the way of your future!
Remember that brief point when Joey and Rachel got together? True, they were a gorgeous couple-- but real fans knew immediately they just wouldn't have staying power when it came to a relationship that could go the distance. That's okay. They tried, it didn't work, they stayed friends. That was a great lesson to learn. Breakups can be gentle-- and good things can still happen after one.
My husband Mr. Cubic Zirconia and I pay our bills and grow our company in large part with sales of 5A diamond-quality engagement rings-- tens of thousands of designs in our catalog and adding more weekly.
But enough customers come back to us for high-quality cubic zirconia anniversary rings and anniversary bands, too, that we have our team creating new designs just about every month. Hey, someone's gotta help me put away some cashola for that LOOOONG trip I want to take with hubby to eat-pray-love our way through the Italian Tuscany countryside (not-so-subtle 25th anniversary HINT for my husband!).
Credit to the Friends TV show's 25th anniversary reunion program for the idea.
Don't forget the most important anniversaries, ladies and gents.
It seems those 'friends' had lots of love lessons to share.
If you haven't checked out the show in years, you might want to stream it.
Considering how often during my latest re-watch this past year when my husband came in from the other room wanting to know why I was snort-laughing so loud...I'd say it's pretty much a certainty that the laughs are just as exciting the second time around! If you're looking for a relatively inexpensive gift idea for your significant other-- and you know they are a fan-- why not grab the boxed DVD set or purchase the whole series in one big she-bang (Amazon, Apple TV, Google Play)?
Just want to watch or watch again? It's been off and on with Netflix over the years (if that link works it means it's back...if not, well maybe one day), and sometimes available on Hulu and SlingTV. The old-school channel TBS runs it all the time. And as of writing, Amazon Prime members can watch the complete first season included in the member bennies (though not the other 9, and frankly I’m not sure if the availability is limited to some countries and not others).
But as of writing, the only place I'm aware of to watch all 10 seasons is included with your subscription to HBO Max.
We hope you enjoyed our blog.
That'll do for today!
In the meantime, let us know how we can make your life better, friends.
I.B.T.F.Y
(I’ll be there for you)!
Love and laughter,
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
CubicZirconia.com
We’ve all heard the saying that ‘opposites attract’. It was certainly true for Mr. Cubic Zirconia.
What follows at the link below is a blog post telling the story of the first day he knew he couldn’t survive without the woman he’d go on to make my wife.
When opposites attract, it can be beautiful. Or a mess. But yes, it’s gonna be a beautiful mess even when it works out. Your marriage mileage may vary. Here’s how to tell if he/she is your kind of crazy.
]]>[[ASTERISKS = Edited by the wife. See footer for the real story.]]
My wife and I have gone on record for years stating that a couple’s relationship defined by an “I love you because I need you" frame isn’t the best; frankly-- though, unfortunately, it’s probably more the norm than the exception-- this kind of dependence is unhealthy for a couple in love.
It’s one of the core tenets of our philosophy of relationships-- anything less than the reverse-- and totally acceptable and understandable-- “I need you because I love you” is what the youngsters these days call a ‘situationship’ (at best).
When you think about it that way, it’s no real surprise when situationships become marriages...and end when the situation ends, is it?
Instead, we’ve counseled that the more desirable relationship dynamic of "I need you because I love you" is the basis of a strong and loving couple’s relationship.
Sounds great in theory.
But don’t be fooled into thinking Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I have everything figured out.
In total honesty, that ‘philosophy’ is more of an ideal than a reality-- even for us (I know, I know… how DARE we publish relationship advice on the internet when we don’t have a perfect marriage?).
Yep, while the goal may be 100% “I need you because I love you”, that’s more of a wish and a hope and a prayer than how me and our marriage have actually survived this far.
At least, it has been on my account because an indeterminate amount of the love and affection I feel for the woman who accepted my marriage proposal is indeed probably because of how she fulfills my needs (OTOH, my wife of course needs nothing and no one and strangers envious of her inner strength, chill vibes and happy-go-luckiness would probably hate her guts if she weren’t so kind).
WAIT A GOSH DARN MINUTE.
Am I the only person in our orbit who leans on their spouse WAY MORE than their spouse needs to lean on them?
If so, no one will want to read this. Just click away now. There’s nothing here for you but ammunition to embarrass me should you and me ever meet in person.
But if you, too, believe your significant other is some combination of loved and needed and you try hard to love him or her without taking for granted how much and how many wonderful things they do to meet your needs-- then yeah, maybe this story and lesson will have some value for you to read today.
Here goes.
More than 7 years before we actually got married I knew I probably wouldn’t survive without the woman I would go on to marry.
It wasn’t just that she’s just that freaking awesome*.
It was that one cold, long December after we’d been dating and even more or less living together-- she left the country for a month.
Here’s a blast from the past post I publicly published on social media and @tagged my girlfriend on the awful December day in 2010 when I knew I couldn’t make it without her, and perhaps-- just perhaps because it’s unconfirmed (my wife’s press office gave a curt “no comment” when asked**)-- the same day when she knew I was HER KIND OF CRAZY.
Have you ever felt like your significant other is ‘your kind of crazy’?
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Well, well, well.
If there’s one reader out of 100 who can identify with my ups and downs and A.D.D. struggles I suppose it was worth telling that story publicly***.
But my hang-ups, flaws, and craziness aren't what this post is about.
Not really.
It's just a convenient example that I don't mind (too much) sharing publicly.
I’m ADD-to-the-nth degree, inconsistent at best, a big-picture dreamer, and chock full of both ideas and inner demons.
TBH, sometimes I think that without my wife by now I’d probably be homeless, wearing rags, eating dollar-lunch cup noodles and scribbling indecipherably in a series of notebooks on the side of the road-- each of which I stored in a relative’s basement after I had filled them with my chicken scratch.
Good thing I married a compulsively efficient, bankably-consistent, detail-oriented action taker who has taught me so much about how to take pleasure in small things, how to choose happiness, and how to break big dreams down into small steps****.
(RANDOM ASIDE I CAN'T HELP: I still scribble in notebooks. But at least these days I can afford pretty much whatever I want for lunch-- and people actually read my scribblings and give me money).
IMHO, and here’s the point: the number one reason for much of what makes my life great is that I chose the right spouse with the right kind of crazy.
Your marriage mileage may vary.
Whatever your personal craziness is, and however it differs from my own-- our own, if you include my wife because TRUST ME she has her own special kind of crazy-- I hope today’s post gives our readers some inspiration and some concrete tools to use for how to find that crazy, how to harness it, and how you and your significant other can serve and support each other in ways that you NEED in order to LOVE THEM and LOVE YOURSELF the best each of you can.
Gonna leave you with just one thought-- especially for that reader who hasn’t yet chosen someone to love and cherish for the lifetime of ups and downs together that we call marriage.
Find a life partner who helps you find peace and complements your strengths.
My wife is amazing.
She can do anything*****.
I love her because I need her. I need her because I love her. And I’m not ashamed that I can’t tell how much of the total is from which reason.
I wish you, too, a spouse whose praises you can’t help but sing****** .
Do that and everything else about a loving and committed marriage is just a bonus if you ask me.
Onward and upward,
-- Mr. Cubic Zirconia
[Semi-private note to Mrs. Cubic Zirconia I’m gonna publish on this blog just for the hell of it: I guess I’m just your kind of crazy*******, babe]
* Edited by the wife: Surely you realize by now that he is prone to exaggerate?
** Edited by the wife: I don’t actually have a press office, that’s absurd. My boyfriend at the time asked me over coffee when I got back in the country if that post he tagged me in on socials described why I loved him. I said ‘no’. That was it. And yes, I did later marry the guy. So I suppose SOMEONE is crazy around here.
*** Edited by the wife: This is among the most authentic, vulnerable blog posts I’ve seen my husband share in the last decade with our community. It seems like a joke, but it’s not funny to him or to the people who love him. As someone who’s been by his side for many, many years I can for sure have sympathy with any spouse out there who gave their heart to a man or woman that also suffers from attention deficit issues, mania and/or chronic depression. I suspect over the years we’ve attracted into our orbit other men and women who struggle in the same ways we do-- as individuals and as a couple. Likely in these ways too?
**** Edited by the wife: Don't forget, honey, how I taught you to hide a key on your property so that getting-locked-out-in-your-socks-in-the-snow thing doesn't happen again.
***** Edited by the wife: My husband can be silly sometimes. And I don't mean to minimize the very real mental health challenges that he has-- nor those even more serious challenges that plague some others-- but really all Mr. Cubic Zirconia needs is to slow down, have patience and do things efficiently the way I've told him to do it (instead of running around like a chicken with his head cut off). LOL I love doing these sneaky post-publication edits. Wonder if anyone ever reads them?
****** Edited by the wife: My husband is never afraid to get up there and perform, but he cannot sing very well. He does, however, think he can. And after a few drinks, he's certain. Invite us to karaoke night at your own risk. Personally, I think it's at least...entertaining.
******* Edited by the wife: Yep. You’re kinda crazy alright, sweetie. :)
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Whether inexpensive or luxury, couple’s vacation trips like these can be money well spent because it's sure to be an enriching experience that complements your love and enhances your time together.
]]>If you had to choose one and only one romantic place to visit for your next couple's vacation, you might as well choose Santorini. It has the sun, sea, wine, and cuisine. It has world-class hotels–if that's your cuppa–and inexpensive inns as well as rental villas. It has friendliness and terrific food. It has history, culture, and art. In short, you can't go wrong by planning a lovers holiday in Santorini.
Among Santorini's most celebrated sites is its volcano, which is located in a sunken caldera, which is itself a must-see natural wonder. Visitors flock to attractions like Skaros Rock, Oia Castle, the Oia Blue Dome Churches, ancient Thera (be sure to check out its sunset views of the Aegean), Santorini's Archaeological Museum, and the Lighthouse of Akrotiri. Throw in historic churches, a wine museum, and charming restaurants with outdoor patios and you have an island's worth of romantic ambience.
When visiting this sun-kissed island, you might want to plan an island-hopping excursion to visit nearby islands or enjoy some adventures at sea like snorkeling or scuba diving. With its beaches and breathtaking sea views, Santorini is Greece's answer to an island paradise.
Sedona is known for its stunning red rock scenery and unmistakable mystical ambience. No, you don't have to believe in UFOs or otherworldly forces, but there is something decidedly unique and wildly spiritual about Sedona. An artsy town complemented by distinctive desert terrain, Sedona attracts couples who love culture as well as outdoor excursions. Go off-roading or take a long hike at Red Rock State Park.
If you're searching for something more adventurous, book a helicopter tour of the region. Because the Grand Canyon is within easy distance, you can take a helicopter tour that includes the Grand Canyon as well as the areas surrounding Sedona. If you want a more secluded experience, book a private tour of the region. Depending on how long you plan to stay in Sedona, you might want to take an excursion to Verde Valley Vineyards for a tour and wine tasting.
Because Sedona is among Arizona's most popular tourist destinations, the city boasts a wide range of accommodations ranging from boutique hotels to charming (and affordable) whole-home vacation rentals. Search online to find a romantic place to hang your hat when visiting this sunny Southwestern hotspot.
Buenos Aires is a culturally rich South American city that brims with history, culture, and natural attractions. It's impossible to be bored in a city like Buenos Aires. Plan on your couple's vacation to take your partner out to enjoy an evening of tango dancing or spend a day watching exciting horse racing at the Palermo Hipodromo, which is considered to be one of the best dirt tracks on the planet.
Buenos Aires brims with historic architecture and boasts must-visit landmarks like the Casa Rosada (houses offices of the nation's president), the 200-year-old underground tunnels of El Zanjon de Granados, and the elegant city opera house–the Teatro Colon. Streets like the Avenida Corrientes are ideal for strolling hand in hand. On the other hand, you might want to catch a soccer match at La Bombonera Stadium.
As a glittering Argentine city, Buenos Aires features a myriad of parks, museums, and theaters. Couples will also have a dazzling array of romantic hotels to consider for their stay, including upscale venues like BE Jardin Escondido by Coppola or the Algodon Mansion.
Part of the Leeward Islands in French Polynesia, Bora Bora is a far flung island group that is worth the long trek to reach. Home to pristine beaches and luxury resorts, Bora Bora isn't just for jet-setters. Even if you have to save up for a while for your Bora Bora vacation, you won't be disappointed with the islands' postcard-worthy scenery and friendly atmosphere.
When visiting Bora Bora, be sure to take a glass-bottom boat excursion to tour the turquoise lagoons. The sea is a major draw for Bora Bora visitors. Feed sharks and rays or plan a snorkeling adventure. The Coral Gardens offer undersea enchantment for snorkelers, but you can also enjoy scuba or jet skiing with your partner.
The islands feature over-water hotels as well as seaside cottage rentals and first-class hotels. Shop for souvenirs like Tahitian pearls or gorge yourselves on fresh fruit and seafood during your stay. If you're looking for a South Pacific holiday, you'll be hard pressed to find islands more beautiful than these.
The Apostle Islands are Wisconsin's answer to Lake Superior fun. The islands are celebrated for their sea caves and pristine water. Visitors enjoy kayaking, hiking, and exploring Bayfield County's national seashore. If you and your love enjoy outdoor adventures, this part of the country's stunning natural scenery is spread amongst 21 lake islands. Check out lighthouses and distinctive rock formations or relax together in the comfort of your vacation rental with its stunning Lake Superior views.
Visitors to the islands often book cabins near the lake or set within an especially scenic woodland niche. Even during the winter, visitors look forward to the beauty of the islands and popular winter festivals. No matter the season, you and your partner are sure to marvel at the spectacular scenery that ranges from ice caves to orchards. Plan your Apostle Islands couple's vacation getaway in any season. If you get tired of boating or hiking, remember that the islands feature a wide array of charming restaurants and casinos too.
It's been called the most romantic city on the planet, so if you and your partner haven't been to Paris, maybe it's time to start brushing up on your ‘parlez-vous Francais.' It's home to the Eiffel Tower, of course, and Louvre, but the city of lights is also filled with gardens and parks, outdoor cafes, and world-class hotels. Dine on steak frites at a corner bistro, go bike riding along the hilly streets of Montmartre, or duck into Laduree for a box of scrumptious macarons.
There are many Paris venues that offer the perfect backdrop for lovers in love. Take a tour of the Museum of Wine, which also features a fabulous dining space. Walk arm in arm through the Musee d'Orsay, or take a couple's selfie under the Arc de Triomphe. Discover how the royal one percent lived by touring nearby Versailles and don't forget to kiss on one of the city's iconic bridges.
Vang Vien's unspoiled landscapes offer a gorgeous backdrop for couples who are drawn to this mysterious Asian nation that has not always been open to foreign travelers. Laos is rich in natural beauty, which is evident in Vang Vien's lush mountain vistas and pristine forests. Home to a wide range of caves, Vang Vien attracts outdoor adventurists as well as those who simply want to experience the customs and cuisine of the local culture.
Some exciting things to do in Vang Vien include cave splunking, hike to the twin caves of Tham Loub and Tham Ho, enjoy a sunset at Pha Nygren Viewpoint, kayak down the picturesque Nam Song River, or swim between caves in the famed Blue Lagoon. Although getting to Laos may cost a pretty penny, accommodations and related expenses are incredibly reasonable. For couples who love spending time together outdoors, Laos is sure to amaze you both with its natural enchantment.
Beautiful Asheville, North Carolina, is a vibrant city with a glorious mountain backdrop. The Blue Ridge Mountains offer loads of backpacking and natural sightseeing adventures that draw couples to Asheville in all seasons. The region's national forests include Nantahala and Pisgah, which boast trails for all levels of hikers, waterfalls, and water courses.
The city itself boasts plenty for couples to see and do. Enjoy cultural city highlights such as the Biltmore Mansion, the River Arts District, the Asheville Art Museum, and more. The city brims with restaurants and pubs. Asheville has a thriving brew-pub scene as well as a celebrated music scene. Show up for one of the city's hot music festivals like the Brewgrass Festival or the Mountain Dance and Folk Festival. In addition to hotels, Asheville's accommodations for a couple's vacation include bed and breakfasts plus vacation home and cabin rentals.
Located at the southern tip of the Korean Peninsula, Busan is a fabulous city that brims with markets, shops, microbreweries, galleries, eateries, trendy coffee shops, karaoke bars, and more. Perfect for jet-setting couples who love a thriving cosmopolitan setting, Busan may be bustling, but it's filled with excitement.
Couples will have plenty of places to choose from for accommodations such as budget-friendly hotels and upscale resorts. When designing your Busan travel itinerary, be sure to include visits to Busan Tower, the Kim Jae Sun Gallery, the Jagalchi Fish Market, and Radium Art Center.
Busan's famed streets are home to popular shopping markets as well as restaurants where couples can enjoy traditional South Korean fare. Looking for peace and quiet during your stay? Busan also features tranquil temples and parks for couples who could use some tranquility during their visit.
One stroll along the glistening Danube near the Chain Bridge and you'll see why Budapest remains one of Europe's most beloved capital cities. Although Budapest is filled with museums and historic architecture, you and your love might find it difficult to leave your seats at a river-side cafe where Rom musicians serenade you with violins as you dine on Paprikash and Tokay wine.
Since you are in a world-class city, you might as well visit its remarkable attractions like Fisherman's Bastion, Buda Castle, St. Stephen's Square, the Monument of Heroes, and Margaret Island. Budapest features art galleries, history museums, and historic squares where you can grab a coffee and people watch. For sheer romantic ambience, we've been told that few cities can rival Budapest for its beauty and friendliness. For a couple's vacation on a budget, this city is a cheaper version of most of what we love about Prague, Czech Republic.
Couple’s Vacations: In Conclusion
Shared travel experiences have a way of nurturing couples' bonds. As you discover new places and cultural attractions, you'll be creating the memories of a lifetime. While many trips do cost a considerable sum, just remember that you can't take your hard-earned dollars with you when you take that final journey. Spend your money on something as worthwhile as Paris, Budapest, or the other destinations outlined here. Truly, it's money well spent because it's sure to be an enriching experience that complements your love and enhances your time together.
Well, I really enjoyed writing this.
My top choice for a vacay is the Greek Islands.
I have been to Budapest so I was happy to see that on our list.
Aside from Greece, that Venice Simplon-Orient Express train journey from Paris through all the glittering capitals of Europe to Istanbul is another trip I'd love.
My youngest brother and his family live in Japan so I need to make it there in the next couple years. I have found that I am happiest and at my best when I travel!
I hope you enjoyed today’s couple’s vacation ideas roundup, and that you’ll travel soon with the one you love.
-- Written by Staff Writer JA Young
]]>If your comparison ‘benchmark’ is other couples who you feel are happier, more intimate, more intelligent, more beautiful, more popular, more compatible, more powerful, more accomplished, fitter and wealthier than you and your partner?
Well, that kind of marriage comparison is a giant, 34-car pile-up waiting to happen.
Here’s the solution.In recent years, we’ve even given this mental hang-up an updated name for the digital age: “The Instagram effect”.
It’s easy to look at happy people on social media and feel depressed.
That’s because it's easy to look happy in an Instagram post-- a small snippet of augmented-reality that’s just one in a series of highlight-reel clips that get posted purporting to show his or her ‘real’ life, home, job, kids and relationships.
Except that the social share show isn’t really ‘REAL’, is it?
Psychological researchers tell us that depressed people actually commit suicide because of how it makes them feel to compare their lives to the seemingly fit, healthy, wealthy, happy, and successful lives of people they follow on social media.
Other researchers may conclude that the discomfort we feel when comparing what we have and who we are to the publicly-posted “greatest hits” of others’ lives can at times provide the catalyst for positive improvement.
BOTH of these conclusions are true, in our opinion.
And what’s true for a singular person-- or a person who’s single -- is DOUBLY TRUE when it comes to the comparison of one couple with another through the less-than-truthful lens of social media pseudo-reality.
Marriage comparisons are a divorce death trap.
Even if seeing pics of a man and his wife posting ‘ussies’ from their private plane might motivate you to start a business, or the before-and-afters of a fitness influencer might inspire you to get off the couch and into a workout routine…it’s our opinion that the act of comparison itself really is the thief of personal joy.
Indeed, we believe much of the unhappiness in
many otherwise average marriages can be
traced back to the question:
“Who do you compare yourselves with?”.
If your comparison ‘benchmark’ is other couples who you feel are happier, more intimate, more intelligent, more beautiful, more popular, more compatible, more powerful, more accomplished, fitter and wealthier than you and your partner?
Well, that’s a giant, 34-car pile-up waiting to happen.
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia here today, dear reader. We’d like to help our friends and customers step back from the divorce death trap that is a habit for relationship envy and marriage comparisons. Because we’ve been there. And it sucks.
We’ve found various forms of personal and relationship envy in our own hearts before. And it ain’t pretty.
A brief personal example from Mr. Cubic Zirconia might serve to illustrate this point:
I can remember the couple of years after I had decided I wanted to be married as a wasteland of envy. I was hurting financially. Yet when planning ahead to a wedding, I felt irrationally that there was this need to ‘outspend’ other people. It didn’t matter if those couples were silver spoon babies who inherited everything-- or were spending Mommy and Daddy’s money while the parents were still alive-- or if the couple-to-be-wed had earned the money themselves that they were spending lavishly on a wedding. Because we couldn’t match that kind of WOW wedding budget, I was jealous. I was uninterested in planning the kind of wedding that we could afford. And yeah, I felt like less of a man and less of a catch, too.
In the decade afterwards, as my personal and financial success increased to the degree my current wife and I could have afforded a more expensive wedding, I realized I no longer wanted that-- and began to feel some regret at how much and how long I had procrastinated tying my life to hers, since it was clear she never needed the fairy tale wedding. Pretty amazing, too, to think that what financial success I’d begin to gain was due in no large part to having married an amazing woman who kept me focused and moving forward. Somewhere along the path, I realized how dumb I was to feel that envy over other couple’s journeys.
Frankly, even the wealthiest people in the world suffer wedding envy when they try to out-spend others in creating the so-called “perfect wedding”-- and yet even the ultra-rich fall short every time.
Envy is bad for the soul, and bad for soulmates, too.
Yet it’s a weird quirk of human nature that just because something is bad for us, it doesn’t guarantee we’ll actually stop doing it.
To be honest, sometimes it seems we homo sapiens are masters of self-harm.
And we’re no different.
We’ve found this same comparison trap a number of times since that story.
And the lesson once learned needed to be learned again.
Today we’ll talk about what we felt was the once-and-for-all solution for us to STOP DOING THAT ISH.
Lots of people feel bad or depressed at times. One area where we see some people feeling bad is marriage comparisons-- both IRL (“in real life”) and on the hit-the-high-points summary other couples show through their social media feeds.
If it’s a constructive way of looking at what another couple has, who they are and what they do together-- so be it. That can be a positive force for change and betterment in our own marriages.
No, what we’re concerned with is the kind of comparison that leaves us feeling envious, a lingering cloud of unhappiness darkening even an otherwise happy day and raining on the normally sunniest of relationships.
This is rarely more true than the totally incorrect but oh-too-common correlation of happiness and affection with the price of a gift, trip, meal, wedding or daily reality.
The fanciest restaurant. The most expensive vacation. The swankiest engagement ring. Each can be a wonderful gift for the one you love. No doubt about that. But there seems to be a rampant misconception in today’s culture that a gift giver’s affection increases with the price tag of the gift.
And when the gift has a small price tag, sometimes we feel small (men especially fall into this mental mistake, but some women do too).
That way of looking at things is wrong on so many levels. And it leaves out the tremendous importance of shared experience between gift giver and recipient.
If she’s the right partner, she’ll love your dinner dates together even if you can’t always (or ever) afford the most expensive restaurant.
Vacations with the man made to be your perfect pair are going to kick-ass because of who’s there with you more than for who on social media wishes they were there, too, when they see your Instagram pictures.
And the engagement ring: guys, are we really going to let a century-old marketing campaign dictate how much you need to spend to “show you really love her”?
All that loses its influence to hurt you when you make one small decision we’ll reveal right now.
One way to limit the danger of marriage comparisons is pretty simple.
Think of the couple and person you’ve compared your marriage and life with.
Just ask yourself if you'd trade your life for theirs.
Would you give everything of yours for everything of theirs?
Caveat emptor, though, and all that.
Buyer beware!
You can't just wish you could trade for another couple’s financial stability, career success, good looks or well-behaved and multilingual genius kids.
This isn’t just a take whatever you like and leave the rest kind of thing…when you trade lives, you’d have to trade for everything.
That good-looking couple with the great big house, paid-off cars and adorable child tragically suffering from a rare genetic disorder requiring round-the-clock caregiving?
Can’t have the good stuff without the pain, too.
The his and her politicos on the nation’s highest stage, writing best-selling books, connected to every cultural leader of note, rousing tens of thousands of fans in paid speeches? A simple wish and the life of influence, power and privilege can be yours.
You just have to accept that you won’t be safe from assassination or assault without bodyguards. Trespassing curiosity seekers will dig through your garbage for souvenirs. Talking TV heads will always know your job better than you do. And you may feel physically ill just to read some of the sick online comments of keyboard digi-warriors you actually thought you were doing a good job of helping in real life.
That cute couple who was completely unembarrassed to display their affection publicly with a passion that made you almost feel uncomfortable? The wife who attracted one of those naturally romantic men, who up until his early death would open the car door for her and hold her hand when they walked through town. Who'd been both committed and faithful, who clearly adored her and would often comment on how lucky he was to have a woman like her at his side…
Would you trade your problems for his and her inability to conceive a child, or suffering a half-dozen pregnancy miscarriages even after spending every extra cent either of them earned for almost two decades on trying and failing to adopt or to get pregnant with every fertility method invented? Is hers a life you’d still want when you learned that not only were she and her husband biologically unable to have children, but she also became a widow before 45?
The red carpet treatment and luxury lifestyle of a movie star couple can be yours, too in trade-- just for the asking.
But don’t ask for your old life back when you realize your new ritzy reality comes in a package with 15-hour work days, months of separation from the people you care about most, and daily rumors of infidelity claiming both you and your spouse are each cheating on the other. Toss in kids with serious entitlement issues (maybe drug problems too), extremely restrictive diet and fitness routines, and zero personal privacy? Yeah, sounds like so much fun to live on the other side of the lens of vultures who make their living trying to get candid-- preferably embarrassing-- photographs of you and your family.
This isn’t just a rhetorical exercise, dear reader.
It’s for you to understand:
NO ONE’S LIFE OR MARRIAGE IS PERFECT.
Whatever hardship the couple you wanna trade with has known in their lives is now yours to live with. Whatever consequences he and she experienced from bad past decisions, you now own that, too.
You own their belongings, family, health, wealth, status, looks and power—and also their baggage, fears, pain, shame, problems, mistakes, regrets, and all the rest of the negative stuff.
And don’t forget what you’d be giving up if you made such a trade.
Think about the highlights of your own life.
The friends. Family. Those you've loved, those you lost. Places you've experienced, and adventures you’ve lived. Lessons you’ve learned, things you’ve cherished.
All that would be out the window-- disappeared, invisible, as if it had never happened (indeed, all your good memories would have happened to someone else).
The bad with the good.
The good with the bad.
We’ve told other people about this exercise for years.
It isn’t just something to read about, though, if you have felt the envy in your heart.
It’s something to use as a catalyst to make a change.
For some people, that’s making a pact as partners to STOP COMPARING him or her to other hims and hers.
For others, it’s a decision to swear off social media-- or severely limit the number and type of news feeds in your daily digital diet.
In light of taking the bad with the good and and seeking the full picture of what other people’s lives are like, we think you’ll find what we did: the more you think about trading places with another person or couple-- -- if and only if you’re being honest with yourself-- the less you’re going to want to swap with anyone.
If you’re anything like Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia, that realization feels comforting!
It means that even if you're discouraged about something in your life, family or marriage this year, you can use this small “comparison” exercise to help you put things into perspective.
It’s just life.
We all get through it.
If you’re like us, doesn't the thought of losing all of those great memories from your real life give you some serious hesitation in wanting to have lived someone else’s life?
The special moments in marriage you’ve shared with your lover, partner and great friend….doesn’t the thought of no longer remembering those make the idea of somehow trading with another couple a lot less appealing?
Let’s leave you with a few final thoughts:
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>Oh yeah, and blowjobs too.
-- Mr. Cubic Zirconia
]]>You might think those 3 little words say it all, but it's not so.
She needs to hear you love her…but she also wants, needs and/or desires to hear these "I love You' alternatives.
7574 words? Yep, this post is that important!
Below you’ll find a year’s worth of what to say to let your wife know that you see her, understand her, and value her. These special expressions encompass love as well as gratitude, appreciation, respect, admiration, and sure–- even lust!
You're lucky (and/or skilled) to not only have found this special woman you successfully asked to spend her life with-- but also to have won her for your partner. Let’s just not forget that winning a woman’s heart, respect and desire isn’t something a man can do once and check the box forever.
In addition to telling her you love her-- as regularly as she seems to enjoy hearing it-- with today’s phrases list we want to equip guys to remind that beautiful, sexy woman every week and month of all the ways that you're thrilled to have her as your bride now and forever.
And we even think you can do it this next year in just 5-10 minutes per week? Too good to be true. Nope. Just skim the BOLDED headlines below until you're convinced the listicle is worth your full attention to read every word all the way through.
Yes, always remind her that you think she's beautiful…and that you never tire of looking at her. Bonus points if you can honestly say so when she’s just woken up, still groggy-- with crazy hair, no makeup, questionable breath and puffy eyes.
When someone is sad or mad, frustrated or depressed--but I’m not-- and I had nothing to do with what happened, I don’t usually say “I’m sorry”. We reserve that for when we caused something bad to happen.
What I actually say I learned from my own wife: “That really stinks”.
It’s empathy vs sympathy and this way protects one partner bringing the other down. Plus it avoids the partner giving empathy to their upset/mad/melancholy spouse from feeling guilty or like he/she somehow caused this current unhappiness for their partner.
Don’t attend her pity party. Don’t try to solve everything. Give more empathy and less sympathy and her blues are likely to turn around much more quickly than if you try to solve her issue or join her in feeling miserable. We’re those weird people who believe happiness is a choice and each person must and should be complete on their own or a relationship will suffer / be unhealthy and codependent.
A heartfelt reminder to your spouse that this is a universal truth isn’t designed to cheer her up. It’s what you do before and after you say it that matters most. Show, don’t just tell! Keep choosing to be happy yourself. Let her see that despite some obstacles you may both be facing, she can count on you to be supportive and positive and focused on the good in your lives. Watch how quickly her frown gets turned upside down.Everyone gets insecure at times. Tell your wife you believe in her; it’s especially impactful when she forgets to believe in herself.
Let your wife know that you see what she does to take care of you and your family. This is especially true if she does things you can’t do, or cannot do as well as she does. Saying things like this regularly to Mrs. Cubic Zirconia-- in addition to a natural lack of interest in or skill with-- is how I get away with being the man in the relationship whose more competent wife does many of the ‘manly things.
Car maintenance, home repairs, changing out a propane gas cylinder and surviving with all limbs and eyebrows intact-- delegated!
Reconfirm your choice of marrying your wife again and again. Let her know that you're thrilled to have married her out of all the ladies who wanted her place.
A man who had many choices about what woman to spend the rest of his life with is attractive. I’ll leave it up to you how often you might want to remind her that you were attractive enough for many women to have wanted to marry you (for me, a monthly joke or reminiscence about having dated 150+ women before choosing her to marry seems to keep my own wife from taking me for granted).
Yeah, I REALLY said that. And while you’re at it…don’t tell her she’s the best thing you’ve ever done or the best decision you’ve ever made (even if it might be true). A woman worth having would rather hear you’re striving every day for great things for your lives and future together-- NOT that you peaked as a person and a man when she agreed to marry your ass, and now she can expect you to complacently coast.
If you and your wife have kids, let her know that she's doing an amazing job.
As a man married to woman whose “Love Language is Acts of Service, my habit of rarely pouring myself a coffee, soda, juice, wine, water or bourbon without asking her if she’d like the same…well let’s just say as acts of service go, this is a pretty easy one to do and get WAY MORE CREDIT than the effort required. SCORE! Now, if only I could figure out how to wake up earlier than her so I could make her coffee for her.
I’m half convinced my step-mother has been with my father all these years at least partially because he does this every day for his wife. Indeed, when we visit them and stay a couple days in the guest-bedroom, my wife kinda gets all starry-eyed when my Dad wakes up early and makes her coffee just the way she likes it, too. Granted, he also does her laundry while we’re at his home. And I just couldn’t do either of those things myself! LOL if you’ve been in the CubicZirconia.com cosmos for long enough, no doubt you’ve read one of my favorite blogs about how I don’t do dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, laundry or any of that boring but cheap-to-hire-someone household chores stuff : Spending a little money for a housekeeper: easy way for couples to avoid stress, buy more time alone and time together (and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia doesn’t have to do that ish, either)..
Gotta pick & choose the right acts of service: a) you CAN do, b) she’ll appreciate, and c) where the juice is worth the squeeze. YMMMV. Your marriage mileage may vary.
Your wife needs downtime just like anyone. But women-- and mothers especially in my experience-- absolutely can suck at putting themselves first sometimes. Let her know you understand her needs and want her to escape the stresses of day-to-day life as much as she feels she needs to get away-- even if (especially if) she doesn’t take that ME TIME on her own, without your encouragement.
Tell her you want her to take an hour, a day or a weekend to be selfish and see to herself before anything else-- and that you believe both her mental health and your relationship’s health depend on each person having some time to themselves in a given day, week and month.
If she says ‘no’ enough times in a row-- and you see signs that she may be burning out, sad, stressed or snapping at people despite saying she’s fine-- then just be a man, step up, plan her a few hours, a day or a weekend of relaxation and hand her the itinerary, her purse and the car keys with a dismissal: “You’re not allowed back in the house until you’re rested, relaxed and ready to be sweet to people again. Buh-bye”. She might be irritated by how you said that (ask me how I know!)...but she’ll get over it. Probably. Just make sure there are no sharp objects near when you say this to her (if she’s the feisty type, and what woman worth a wedding isn’t?).
Let your wife know how happiness becomes her. And how you absolutely love her mouth for reasons that don’t have to do with kissing, LOL jokes or blowjobs.
Any college psych major could tell you that just about every human being lies sometimes, no matter their personal moral code, integrity, ethics or professed “always-on” honesty. Whether you're trying to hide your true opinion about a home-cooked but dry and unappealing meal, sparing his/her feelings with a little white lie like “mmm that was great” following unfulfilling sexual episode, or protecting a deep, dark secret-- it’s been proven in scientific study after study that people are generally untruthful at least some of the time.
There are simply personal, individual needs that are met only or most easily when we present information in such a way that is deliberately misleading, outright false, or meant to spare someone’s feelings or to make us look good (and to hell with the actual truth), Indeed, academics estimate that the average person lies 400-800 times per year. Nonetheless, most of us don't enjoy being dishonest and we hate being lied to either.
IMHO, you don't have to be dishonest with your spouse. And lying to get through the day is just a recipe for relationship suicide sooner than later. Consistent, radical honesty is damned hard-- saying things you’d rather not, to protect your own ego or the feelings of someone you care about, and quickly apologizing when you impulsively lied and regretted it right after (and asking forgiveness). But if you give the gift of this double-edged sword to your marriage partner then he/she is gonna do the same for you.
Sure, she doesn’t need your permission to be honest with you. But the more frequently you tell her you do want honesty, having given her your blessing to get something off her chest, or quickly correcting something you said that wasn’t actually true…the more often she’s gonna give you her mind rather than holding something in and getting anxious or angry. And even though that transparency and mutual respect for the truth and for each other will cause some awkward moments that are frankly UNCOMFORTABLE, each of you adopting the habit to tell each other the truth and the whole truth is actually super healthy for a great marriage. Are you man enough to commit to it first and set the example for your wife to follow?
This is very similar to #9 above where you actively encourage her to take some much-needed ME TIME. If she’s more stressed than sleepy, she may Netflix instead of napping (and that’s cool.)
Just say this, give her a few minutes to finish whatever she’s doing, and then return to the same room, take her by the hand and lead her to bed. Plump her pillows, tuck her under the sheets and then walk away. You can’t selfishly use this unselfish maneuver to try to get her to have sex with you. I might have made that mistake once. But now if I say this to my wife, she knows I mean it. And she knows whatever she thinks she needs to do right then, she can ask me and I’ll do my best to do it for her instead. Of course, I probably won’t do it as well as she could herself-- but hey something is better than nothing, right? That’s the drawback of marrying the most competent person I know.
Don’t be afraid to show your spouse all your eccentricities. After all, if she was smart she probably knew most of them before agreeing to marry you, buddy.
Be sure your wife is connecting with her friends. It's easy to get so busy with marriage and family that a woman can lose touch with her closest friends. Help her stay connected with her besties.
Be a good-finder on the regular, and when you see something SAY SOMETHING.
She married you and your opinion of her matters. This one is important enough to go on your damn calendar once a month, if you ask me. This is especially important when the two of you have more than just living together in common. Co-parents, coworkers, co-business owners…any or all of those give her another reason to crave your affirmation of her skills helping your family. Don’t deprive her of your praise!
Let her know that you accept her with this phrase that is bound to stay in the back of her mind all day long.
We believe couples should spend some naked time together each week. We suggest Naked Sundays. Do or do not. Your call. But if you don’t ever do this in your marriage…well, you’re just dumb and there’s no helping you.
You care about what's on her mind, right? So ask her to share that sometimes.
Do you cook together with your significant other? Cooking can be a chore. It can be a chore, too for couples cooking together…or it can be great quality time-- a cheap, easy, simple and relaxing couples’ hobby to reconnect after some time apart.
Here's our recipe to heat it up in the kitchen with a delicious night of couples cooking together-- Cooking for two: A recipe for couple’s cooking nights (the ingredients)
Human beings don’t need forgiveness from people they don’t know, and seldom even want it from people they know only casually. But once you get into the real family and chosen family dynamic…we want and need to hear “I forgive you” when we’ve messed up and said we are sorry. Top of this list of whom she wants forgiveness? That’s you, hubster. Don’t deprive her of your acceptance of her apology and give her your pardon for her mistake.
She complains about this coworker or relative (real or by marriage), that customer or that friend of a friend. And again. And yet again. You know that person is a problem for her. Tell her this and she’ll feel empowered to cut that person as much out of her life as is possible and practical-- and she’ll know you’re not gonna make her feel guilty about having made the best choice for her own mental health.
I first told my wife this almost a decade ago. And I watched as she not only distanced herself from a couple people that are close to me by blood-- but also created a criteria checklist for “firing a customer” in our business. Of course, we’d fulfill our promises to that person for providing their product and also honoring our CubicZirconia.com Lifetime Warranty, but we’d also tell the pain-in-the-ass customer that he/she could no longer make any new purchases from us in the future.
Some people think that’s harsh, but even after we stepped back from personally as frequently servicing individual customers and orders, we allowed our front-line customer service team members to do the same thing if they were being verbally abused by, condescended to or otherwise treated inappropriately by a paying customer. Ask them and they’ll tell you they’re grateful their employer doesn’t require them to kiss someone’s ass whose behavior they wouldn’t tolerate outside the workplace.
Don’t allow your spouse to be treated poorly for any reason. Money and jobs, family and in-laws, whomever is getting out of line with her. It ain’t worth it. Shut that shit down yourself or give her permission to kick the jerks to the curb.
Let her know that you value you as an equal partner. Celebrate your partnership and fill her emotional cup with this deliciousness.
OOPS! “Let her know that you value YOU as an equal partner.” LOL that does sound like something I would say. But I meant to type “Let her know that you value HER as an equal partner”. I guess the typo was just funny enough that I decided to leave it for my wife to read later and chuckle. After all, she’s damned lucky to have me as her partner, too.
Whether you're home or out on the town, you're happy just to be with her-- so let her know! She may not believe me if your actions belie your words. So don’t insult her intelligence if you don’t actually mean this, ok? Marriages can survive and even thrive when each individual has important work, different job schedules/locations, or beloved hobbies that cause them to be apart more often than not…and that’s totally okay-- especially if your relationship was like that before matrimony.
Let her know she can always rely on you. Sometimes, all she needs to remember during the tough moments is that she's not alone. She’s got a strong man willing to go to the mat for her, on a second’s notice.
When she does something super seductive, slide up to her, put your arms around her waist and whisper this in her ear. You want it to be a compliment and not a come-on she may feel awkward about if she isn’t in the frame of mind for sex. So follow it up by saying you’ve got some stuff to do, and can hardly wait to be alone with her later…then leave the room. If you’ve recently had great chemistry in your relationship, and she’s in a good mood, there’s a decent chance she’ll follow you and ask if what you have to do right now is more urgent than pleasing her because she’s turned on, too. You can figure out what to do, then, right?
Foreplay starts much earlier for women than men. So if she doesn’t jump on you immediately, no worries. Don’t be surprised if in the hours you were apart she did get kinda turned on. More often than an immediate lovemaking session, what might happen is that the next time you all see each other…she’ll hug you the same way you hugged her. That’s your cue to open the conversation with “Am I wrong or are you ALSO turned on right now?” Any positive reaction to that-- verbal, physical, facial expression, smiling-- is how you know to start getting physical.
Just don’t rush her. Take your time and ratchet up the sexual tension with more foreplay-- verbal and physical. Many guys can be ready to boink at the drop of a hat. But sexual tension and anticipation built up over time is a real influence for the desire of physical intimacy for many women. Personally, I forget this at least once a week-- and get rejected sexually for this very reason. Sucks, but it’s true. SLOW DOWN and seduce her over a day-- and even a wife who never rejects her husband’s sexual desire will respond in ways that blow your mind.
Does your wife bring out your best qualities? Let her know. It'll mean so much to her.
And this isn’t an empty platitude you can mouth and then go back to playing Fantasy Football and making belly-button lint sculptures in front of the boob tube 20 hours per week. When you say it, you gotta mean it.
And you gotta SHOW HER what you’ve told her is true. Whether that’s working out, working hard at your job, or working on your personal development to make your words a fulfilled promise of continuous and never-ending improvement…what she sees will be SO MUCH MORE impactful than just what she heard. Ya dig?
Some women fake it. They fake enjoying a man’s touch, how he kisses, their enjoyment of his sexual performance, and even whether or not she had an orgasm during oral sex or lovemaking. It’s frequently a “don’t rock the boat”, avoid-tough-conversations response too often to a lover who is rattled, defensive, depressed or even angry when she gives him general, non-sexual feedback she thinks of as helpful.
Don’t be that douchey guy. I’m ashamed to admit that for many years I was REALLY BAD at accepting Mrs. Cubic Zirconia’s feedback. Frankly, I was such a man-child about it that I’m honestly astounded that my wife stayed with me earlier in our relationship.
---> Yes, dear, I’m so sorry-- especially for yelling at you a time or two when you gave me valuable feedback about my driving. <---
I’ve since learned that you’ve gotta be secure enough in your masculinity and value as a man and husband that you can ask your lady love for honest feedback…and not throw a tantrum, complain, sulk, pout, get defensively combative, or make your wife feel guilty for telling you the truth. Even if what she says hurts a lot-- like a mid-coitus blurting of “you don’t know what you’re doing, let’s change positions” or “I don’t like it when you stroke my face like that” my advice is just thank her for her feedback, and course correct your actions as and when you can. See #50 for a general way to let her know she’s appreciated for her honesty even when what she says HURTS.
Remember, you want her to be honest with you no matter what…right? After all, being open to constructive criticism, setting aside your ego and making a real, committed effort to get better as a husband and lover is how you improve your skill with pleasing her mentally, emotionally and physically year after year throughout your marriage. I think if you’ve had a hard-headed history of defensively doing a verbal clapback when your wife offers helpful advice to do something better-- you too will be amazed at what you can learn from accepting as Gospel her words about what she likes and doesn’t like.
Pamper your gal with a special dinner out sometimes-– especially after she's had a long day. If she declines, there’s no need to insist (save that for the #45 “Caveman Husband” strategy.. But you could up the ante and pull out a fun after-dinner date idea you’ve squirreled away for a special occasion. Just make sure it’s awesome and not a lame, lazy, impersonal and common “dinner and a movie”. Routine, predictable dating is the enemy of attraction my man!
Tell her it’s gonna be great fun and well worth doing even if she’s mad/sad/tired or has an early day tomorrow. The catch? You won’t tell her the deets until you’re about to eat dessert tonight. That kind of cat-killing curiosity matched with your playfulness isn’t irresistible for a woman-- but it’s damned close, dawg.
Tell your wife how sexy she is to you. Repeat often. Sow your sexy seed and reap the benefits, brother. Do you need me to draw you a picture? Nah, I think you got it.
You’ve heard the old advice that ‘you can be right, or you can be happy’? One of you has to go first. Apologize first. Be vulnerable first. Yield first. Forgive first. Why not let that person be you? (And not in an insincere way just intended to make someone shut up and stop talking).
Make a genuine apology and don’t try to take half of it back by giving a reason-- code for “excuse”-- why you did what you did (naturally you might be thinking because of something she did first!). When you acknowledge you were at fault and make no ifs, ands or buts about your apology…it’s refreshing. And whether it prompts her to also apologize or not is irrelevant. That falls into the “nice but not necessary” category of male-female relations.
Of course, you don’t have to apologize first every time. And not if you feel super strongly that the shitty situation was caused by her alone. In fact, that’s a pathway to her justification never to apologize first, if you’re always gonna make yourself uncomfortable enough to bite that bullet every time for her. But when you let yourself calm down after an argument, reflect a bit, and try to see the argument from an objective point of view…if you feel you were at least 25% at fault, then apologizing first can do wonders for interpersonal communication between you and your best friend, lover, roommate and mother of your children. It’s just so worth a little vulnerability to put your stubborn pride aside at times and smooth things over!
Loving someone only because (or primarily because) you need them is codependency. It ain’t healthy. But needing a specific person’s touch, quality time with him/her, and his/her words of affirmation BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM…well, that’s a strong sign you’re in a healthy romantic relationship.
Disagreements happen. The best couples choose to work it out instead of fighting to get their way. And they don’t fight over dumb stuff (at least not often).
Acknowledge that together the two of you can get it done (whatever it is). Death notwithstanding, very little in life isn’t fixable for a complementary, committed couple tackling together.
Even natural disasters, sick children, lost jobs, financial mistakes-- “Just survive somehow” like Enid says in “The Walking Dead” TV show. And when you can keep your heads when others would panic, we’re confident you can figure out how to fix the situation and come out the other end as a stronger couple. You can do this!
Mostly I personally say this to Mrs. Cubic Zirconia just to remind her that she doesn’t need me to do much for her. She’s awesome enough to do just about everything on her list-- quickly, efficiently and confidently.
Yet, yes, I WILL admit this is also the lazy man’s version of “We can fix this/that!” And the supportive husband’s way of dodging responsibility for things that he really ought to be he;ping his equal partner with getting done. But ask my wife: I don;t really do that. At least not often. I mean not everyday, anyway. What can I say? My wife is really great at getting shit done. Why should I get in her way!?!
Your wife is your partner. Let her know she has your trust and that your trust is a gift she has earned time and again. And don’t just give this lip service, either, fellas. You’ve got to do it to say it. And after all, doesn’t she deserve your trust? After all, you chose to entwine your lives together…and if you can’t trust her as much or more than anyone else, what exactly would that be saying about your judgment? Women who regularly hear this from their husbands will do everything in her power to continue hearing this kind of praise.
Let her know that aging together is a treat. You don’t have to go so far that you arrange for your bodies to be frozen together after you die. Burial while alive is creepy, King Tut. She should at least get to die naturally after her Pharaoh shuffles first off this mortal coil.
But you can tell her that instead of an over-priced wooden box, ridiculously pricey funeral home send-off, and absurdly expensive plot of muddy earth in which to turn to dust (after being eaten by worms)... you’d prefer to have a cryogenics budget to freeze the two of you in the same facility after each of you dies (you know, on the off chance that one day in the future the scientists invent a way to reanimate a corpse AND solve the lifespan issue that kept the two of you from enjoying each other’s company for a few hundred more years).
Let me know how that convo works out. My wife thinks I’m at least a little crazy for wanting to do this completely romantic thing that only costs a teensy, weensy amount less cashola than a 2 bedroom house in California.
This phrase is the proverbial “two birds with one stone”. You have a tough week or day in your relationship-- or even just a tough hour-- and you say this to acknowledge that yes A GREAT MARRIAGE TAKES WORK, COMPROMISE, AND SACRIFICE.
And then you defuse most or all of any lingering bad feelings from a fight by stating unequivocally that no matter what harsh words may have been spoken, or what non-desirable action she did against your will or wanting…you nonetheless can do the math and calculate that offsetting that little negative is so much more positive.
Exercise is good for your heart, your mental health, and your waistline. A couple having a sweaty exercise session together can be sexy, too-- and showering together is fun. See the next phrase you should say to your wife besides “I love you”.
Ummm….yes?!? Let her know her body is God’s gift to the foggy mirror you absolutely have to wipe off immediately after showering so you can see her glistening hotness double. Need I say more? Or are you smart enough to figure this one out, champ?
Even a woman who prizes her alone time, hobbies and personal interests will probably welcome hearing this from her man. Let her think about it, and don’t volunteer to insert yourself into this or that activity she does by herself. Humans NEED time alone for various reasons. Give her time and space to answer your request without feeling pressured in the moment to propose something she may later regret-- or agree to your proposal she may later resent.
TIP: demanding that she include you in her monthly female cousin’s dinner, weekly “Wine and Bunco” night exclusively for the ladies, or turning her mindless, Candy Crush Saga, daily downtime twiddling her thumbs before bed into a multi-player, midnight smartphone game are all very bad ideas.
But if you don’t get a concrete when/where/what/how answer from her within a week or two, don’t be shy about patiently and regularly continuing to ask again, either. It’s flattering to know you can’t get enough of her. And it’s sexy as hell for her to hear and see you’re respectfully continuing to state your desire for more quality time-- and not accepting silence as an answer. She’s just that awesome, right? And TBH she deserves more time together with such a strong, confident, intelligent-- and let’s not forget handsome-- hunk like yourself.
A man can show he’s attentive and not taking his wife for granted when he recognizes that many of the things she does for him and for their family are not just everyday tasks…but genuine acts of service showing her love.
Whether you've been married for one year, five years, 25 years or a friggin’ half century or more, be sure to let your wife know that you're still head over heels for her. Bonus tip: There are few more impactful “positive reinforcement” statements you can make to a partner, so don’t feel guilty to exclusively use this power phrase only right after she’s done something you want her to do more often!
Your wife isn't just your wife or lover; when marriage is really good, she's your best friend too. Call out the awesome best friend in your significant other.
She’s your other half and your partner in crime. Her opinions are valuable. Her desires for how you two ought to spend your time together are valuable. Be sure your wife has a say-so in how you spend your free time together. Except…mix that inclusive attitude most days with sometimes employing the direct, Caveman-style “here’s what we’re gonna do” approach detailed below instead.
Does that surprise you? A man with a plan being forceful, assertive and sure about what he wants with and from a modern woman? Maybe it does, but it shouldn’t. In our experience, even with the legal, technological, societal and financial advances that have allowed women to choose NOT to have a man in her life…little to nothing about how a woman is wired biologically has changed since we lived in caves.
Even a woman with zero historical need for a man, who earns money from her own work and investments, can take care of her own safety and sometimes wants to go her own way for leisure time…she can’t quite help feeling secure, protected, cherished-- and a little excited-- when the “Caveman Husband” man she chose to spend her life takes the lead, talks this way and-- within reason-- won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
Just don’t do this advanced marital-relations strategy too frequently or she may feel taken advantage of (even if the ‘submissive wife’ roleplay can be fun every once in a while even for powerful, competent women). Ignore testing out this one at your peril, guys! It’s not politically correct in the 2020s to say so, but when she joins you as the submissive partner in this dominant man frame you’ve set up for an evening (by saying yes to the date that was phrases more as a command than a request), she can be VERY OPEN to giving you exactly what you want… all night long.
OTOH, when it doesn’t work, and your persistence pushing for the date tonight doesn’t pay off today…you can save this tactic for a future date and back away by saying “I was just kidding”. Then try again. When this works, it’s friggin’ magical-- and well worth trying until you crack the code on what you need to say and do for her to want to do it with you.
Personally, I Iike to follow up a ‘yes’ answer with a multiple choice question, like this: “Would you like me to massage your A) Back and shoulders, B) Head and scalp, C) Feet, D) Hands, E) Thighs and Butt, F) Breasts, G) Vaginal, H) All of the above.
It’s kinda implied that choice answers A, B, C or D are places on her body that need some non-sexual TLC, so you should keep your hands occupied where she wants-- and nowhere else.
But if she says option E, F or G…it’s pretty safe for the husband to assume his wife also “wants the D”-- after you put in some legit work massaging the heck out of her and warming her up to lovemaking (yes, that was a dirty joke). And the H is about as close as some women will get to saying ‘break out the baby oil, big boy, and you’re gonna get laid! Or, you know, coconut oil if she happens to be one of those ladies who-- like Mrs. Cubic Zirconia-- likes the slick, sexy sensations of a body lubricant during massages…but flat-out hates the strong smell of baby oil.
It's so special when your spouse has your back. Mrs. Cubic Zirconia once told me that with my support, she feels there’s nothing she can’t do. I thought it was important enough to write down. And while I’ve never forgotten it, I don’t say these exact words very often. But I do try to make her feel this way all the time.
She knows I’ll support her-- even when she fricks the frack up. She knows I trust her judgment and admire her will and skill to make things happen. If something she tries doesn’t work out, I’m going to hear her out, make her feel less guilty for taking a chance or a risk, forgive if necessary, and re-commit to her that I see her as an equal partner who can and should take the initiative to try new things (and risk mucking it up). I don’t know your special lady, but I suspect she’;ll become even more awesome during your marriage if you encourage her this way, too.
Whatever she’s passionate about, tell her you love that passion. It could be rape advocacy. Breast cancer fundraising. Being a great mom, training dogs, biking insane distances, or recycling.
You might even wanna say that if she’s into a sports team you don’t particularly like because they’re the rival that often trounces your own favorite team (although it’s totally understandable if you’re not gonna do that-- in theory it’s a nice thing to do-- but I too won’t be doing that craziness I read about once in a “how to be a better husband” article on the interwebs. No doubt that ‘advice’ was likely written by a clueless, pocket-protectored guy who couldn’t tell you the difference between a field goal and an infield).
Don’t let her agonize over a mistake, argument, or choice that went wrong despite her best efforts. Hindsight is 20/20 and she should hear that with the situation she had you think she took the best action and/or made the right choice and/or said something that was completely reasonable.
If you tell her to “forget about it” and she stubbornly keeps chewing over the same crap, guilting herself and making herself miserable with second guesses…you have my permission to Youtube karaoke sing the “Let it Go” song from the Frozen movie.
Probability of her response IMHO is probably: 50% She laughs and lets it go; 30% She doesn’t quite let it go but she doesn’t mention it to you again just to avoid listening to you sing a song in the POV of a teenage female again; 10% She gets irritated enough to leave the room and does not let it go; 7% She does not let it go and brings it up every day forever; 2% She does not let it go and files for dissolution of marriage; 1% She stabs you with the nearest sharp object.
Don’t blame me if you wind up dead or divorced, dude. I told you something bad COULD happen. You’ll have to decide for yourself whether the successful options are worth the risk of an undesirable reaction.
There’s little sadder in marriage than one spouse who feels he/she cannot give constructive criticism to his/her insecure spouse without touching off a depression or angry outburst from him/her (eventually they stop talking about those things they consider important but don’t want to deal with an argument).
We’re not saying to be a lapdog who says this every time she says something that might be critical…but if you feel it, say it. A husband with the personal security to admit when he’s done something wrong and actually thank his wife for pointing it out to him is extremely attractive to many women (and when done consistently, results in a more respectful way of feedback from one’s spouse than negative nagging).
Acknowledge when you're wrong and she's right. Validate your wife's good sense. It's not always easy for us guys to do, but it'll make a big difference in your relationship when you give her the credit she deserves.
And there’s no statutory time limit on fixing your infraction, fellas. It’s better at the moment of a mistake. But an hour later, she’ll still be glad to hear it. A day later, too. Even seven years if you get the itch to admit that one time 7 years ago you were wrong and she was right…it still gets you serious points (just not as many as you’d have gotten if you wised up sooner).
Sure, things today might be good already. But life in a few short tomorrows can be GREAT if you all make it happen together! Conversely, things might be rough right now in your life, marriage, fitness, family or finances…but that’s just temporary when you put your minds to it and your back into it with a real plan for real change and improvement.
Your wife needs to hear your confidence on this question, gents. Just don’t mislead her. That’s one of the worst kinds of cheating in a romantic relationship-- to give your partner hope for a better future and then sit on your ass rather than do what's necessary to make it happen.
Be man enough to show up daily and make this promise TRUE sooner than a vague “someday”. It may not be politically correct to say so in the modern world of independent women, but IMHO this is damn near JOB #1 for a man in marriage. Believe it. Say it. Be willing to bust your butt to prove it and you’ll have the respect of the most important woman in your life.
Let’s wrap this puppy up, studmuffin.
Letting her know how special she is and that needing her and loving her is only part of the story of your desire to have her in your life now and forever.
These words will help you TELL her how very much you cherish and appreciate her.
Regularly putting one of these in a text message, tagged public social post, private email or live-and-in-living-color conversation will SHOW her you’re never gonna take what she brings to your marriage for granted.
They’ll remind her WHY you love her so much and how she makes your life better each and every day far better than just the-- too often perfunctory and routine-- ‘I love you’ way too many husbands default to saying as their sole contribution to the positive and marriage-affirming art of wifely praise and compliments.
It’s my sincerest hope that these phrases to tell your wife in addition to ‘I love you’ will inspire you to tell your leading lady what she means to you. After all, Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I didn’t invest a thousand bucks in labor costs to create such comprehensive and useful content as this article. We did that so maybe you’d buy something from our store, homie (finally!). And also because I know that when you DO REMEMBER to tell her something wonderful like these phrases at least once per week, she's bound to reciprocate with words and deeds that let you know that you're pretty special, too.
Once per week? It’s easier than you thought, bro.
We’ve just given you 52 things to say -- just pick one make-her-feel special phrase per week and tell her what she wants, needs and/or desires to hear from her man; yep, we’d recommend you set an alarm on your phone with this link saved in the notes as a reminder.
And we did it on New Year's Eve-- so you can make this a resolution we believe you can commit to and keep in just 5-10 minutes per week!
OK grasshopper. Listen to a guy who’s made just about every “no-no-he-didn’t!” mistake in the marriage manual and is forgiven each and every one of them in part because I committed to love, serve and protect my wife the ways she needs to be loved and served and protected.
My promise to you, pal: Talk with your wife like this, and follow through on the promises made inherent in these phrases-- and you’ll melt her heart, flirt like a king showing your queen you find her as desirable and as sexy as you ever did, confirm her trust that she’s safe with telling you anything under any circumstances, decrease her stress, up her confidence, make her feel listened to and understood, increase the dopamine hit of feeling appreciated, renew her attraction for you, and re-affirm why she married you in the first place. Oh yeah, and blowjobs too.
-- Mr. Cubic Zirconia
P.S. I can’t make it so a woman can’t find this article-- and I wouldn’t want to, either.
So if you’re a married lady and you read ‘n’ agree with these 52 talkin’ tips for husbands…we recommend you share the link on social media so he’ll see it.
HINT, HINT hubby.
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If your idea of marriage success comes from the romance-novel standard where each perfect line of a perfect couple's perfect dialogue will live forever in your memories after each perfect day... in our opinion you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.
Romance novels are popular precisely because they promise a fantasy: an incredible connection, lust, trust, compatibility and amazing sex-- -- with no baggage, little stress and few disagreements worth writing about.
Flip past the Fabio wannabe painted with long flowing hair and no shirt on the book cover, turn the pages and bear witness to the ‘proof’ that romantic love is easy: while the protagonists may struggle with external plot demons, there's a certain easy-breezy look and feel to the inevitable falling-for-each-other experienced by the two fated lovers-to-be.
It's the author's imagined version of romantic love-- and sorry to say, but IRL it doesn’t exist.
You’ve got romance novels to create the fantasy of the perfect pairing of partnership perfection on the way to marriage success.
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia do our best to be optimistic yet realistic-- and we know firsthand that in the real world, marriage means sometimes still loving someone even though they can make you absolutely insane.
As a company that sells a large percentage of its products to couples, we lose money every time we talk about marriage being anything other than easy.
A blog reader clicks away, never to make a purchase. A newlywed “honeymoon period” engagement ring customer decides to keep what we sold him but ignore what we’ve told him-- clicking the link to remove himself from our email list, never to purchase again.
If we only wanted to make a bunch of money, we’d simply and shamelessly ignore reality and tell everyone how easy it is to live happily ever after in marriage.
La-dee-dah, blah blah blah, hi hi hi, buy buy buy and happily ever after.
That isn’t our philosophy at CubicZirconia.com, though.
For couples heading toward a wedding-- like many of our first-time high-quality CZ engagement ring customers-- we want folks to know what they’re getting into once wedding planning for a day becomes married-and-living-together days for a lifetime.
REAL TALK: Marriage can be hard (even while it’s amazing).
But one thing that makes a difference is knowing these things about marriage success that a romance novel usually won’t tell you.Have you stopped kissing your lover when you wake up?
After the first decade or so together, we pretty much had. Here and there, but not a common way to start the day. And we don’t think there’s anything wrong with that (nor do we think there’s anything wrong with peeps who want to brush lips before brushing their teeth).
FUN EXPERIMENT: Ask around at your next couples’ get together. Some say they do it, some say they don’t. It’s a personal choice most individuals in a couple have made-- even if they never actively talked about that choice together as a couple. If you ask publicly in front of other couples, you might get three or four in a row who say they kiss upon waking up. But once someone says they don’t do it, you can take this to the bank: the number of others who agree that kissing first thing in the morning every day isn’t all that appealing, that data set will shoot up like a hockey-stick-increasing slope on a math teacher’s graph.
It’s like we as humans have this life we live versus this life we think we’re supposed to live.
The couples in romance novels pretty much always seem to kiss first thing in the morning-- bedhead and bad morning breath be damned. Then they make love, still kissing passionately. In some best-selling novels, the main characters spend so much time in bed sucking face and exploring each other’s pulsating bodies that an intelligent reader could be forgiven for wondering just how big their trust fund might be that on a normal day nothing else needs to get done beyond please each other and be pleased?
In real life, sure you might wake up and kiss passionately. Morning sex may be on the menu some days, too. A whole day in bed, sounds a treat. But in a non-fictional romantic relationship-- even one we’d say is an unqualified marriage success-- he and she probably have more on the to-do list on a given day than doing each other! And the non-passionate kisses are likely way more frequent than the passionate ones. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s to be expected and anything more intense long-term would probably be exhausting.
A quick kiss that promises more to come soon-- but not yet. A thank-you peck that says “I’m grateful for you”. An eyes-open smoocher that makes it obvious you’ve missed each other-- even if you don’t have time, opportunity or desire to go beyond light kissing right now. These kinds of kisses all have their place in the married couple’s kiss arsenal-- and for some couples, sure, the passionate morning kiss too. But all couple’s kisses can’t be passionate kisses filled with the electricity a romance novel author will strive to make the reader feel when hearing that moment described (and frankly, a smart person wouldn’t want it to be that way).
In the standard romance novel formula, early in the book you’ll pretty much always find the ‘meet-cute’ scene. Romance fiction readers have probably read a version of this genre necessity dozens of times (non-readers who enjoy watching movies will instead have seen variations on this themed on-screen scene in as many rom-com flicks).
Hero rescues heroine, a chance encounter at the park, literally bumping into one another in the grocery store-- there’s a million and one ways for our two characters to meet.
When they do, there’s only one rule: we the reader ought to feel that electricity, a powerful spark of energy in the air that lets us know something has happened-- while leaving us guessing exactly what that exact thing might have been. Is it an instant magnetic desire for one another? An instant repulsive loathing of each other? A verbal disagreement that almost overshadows a physical attraction? You’ll have to read and find out!
By the end of the book, it’s common for a newly meet-cuted couple to profess themselves to be “in love”. From zero to love in as little as 300 pages and a fictional 3 days to 3 months of knowing one another is a common story line. Is it possible outside a story? Sure. But rather than knowing super-quickly that you were gonna love, like and trust someone for a long time, it’s way more realistic-- and common-- in the real world for the chemistry of attraction and desire to happen quickly. OTOH, that connection where you feel like you’ve known them forever? It’ll build slowly over time and many experiences together.
Romance novels reinforce the expectation that a perfect couple’s connection will be instant-- and because of that unrealistic standard, real couples who have a good thing going split up over small stuff, never getting to learn what great looks like together. It’s sad, really…and all while some simple 6-month relationship goals might have put their partnership on the path to improved connection-- and maybe increased intimacy, better sex, and more money in the joint bank account, too.
Instead, they offer readers a chance to pick up the pace and live vicariously in the shoes of a couple who seems like they have it more together than the average guy or gal-- and is currently in the midst of solving one or more, big hairy challenges together.
Hey, it’s entertaining-- but kind of silly too. These authors set a false expectation that what drives romantic love will be this perfect road trip from here with the problems to a better place there (without problems).
We read about him and her and get to know them as they get to know each other-- plunging breathlessly from one obstacle overcome to the next, not a single dead-end cul-de-sac in sight, with a climax around every corner and nothing but marriage success ahead.
In real life, sure, maybe she’ll save his life. Maybe he’ll avenge her bad moment. Maybe they’ll escape from the big bad wolf and afterwards enjoy some well-deserved and super-sexy ‘Little red riding hood’ cosplay. But in real life, we guarantee you that the right marriage to the right life partner is the solver of many more problems than simply running around together with a man or woman you just met-- getting to know them on the side as together you try to save the world, solve the murder, expose corruption, resist evil, and battle the unjust.
Here’s real human life instead of fantasy fiction: many of our obstacles in life become smaller the moment we choose the right life partner and commit to them for better or worse.
It isn’t hard to search around on the internet and find a romance novel outline. You could spend an afternoon and learn most of what there is to know about the industry’s common “formula” for what to put in a romance novel that’s readable and entertaining.
The pacing.
The dialogue.
The ups and downs, twists and turns.
The conflicts and conclusions.
The struggles and triumphs.
The unexpected surprises.
The high points, ahh the high points.
Spoiler alert: the high points in a real life relationship just aren’t as frequent as the chapter-by-chapter climax peak in many chapters of a best-selling romance novel.
Instead of life-altering, mind-bending happenings, the average person’s daily high points are smaller (and that’s perfectly okay). It’s her smile through happy tears the day after having an emotional breakdown-- remembering when her love laid down on the floor with her and held her and told her ‘everything is going to be okay’. It’s his endearingly annoying laugh-snort when you his better half said something hilarious. It’s saying you’re sorry when you said something hurtful-- and your significant other appreciates the personal sacrifice you made (finally) admitting yes, for once you were indeed actually wrong about something.
A realistic real life relationship’s marriage success goal might be a great year full of both amazing and shitty moments-- not the unrealistically perfect progression of perfection romance novels can lead us to expect. If you go into marriage expecting a climax every chapter, in our opinion it’s an easy way to end up hurt, bankrupt and bitterly divorced. “THE END” to that story will come way earlier than it might have if you simply realized that patience matters, life isn’t a movie and the best part of your story together was yet to come.
Marriage is NOT what people who’ve yet to take the plunge often think it is.
It's not (just) cuddling in bed together every night until both of you peacefully fall asleep in each others’ arms. It’s not (just) waking up early every morning to make him/her their favorite breakfast, either, the two of you eating together, smiling like loons between bites while wholly focused on one another and star-gazing raptly into each other’s eyes.
A clean home daily and a homemade dinner on the table when you walk in from work? Sorry to disappoint, but unless you’ve pre-negotiated that marriage contract clause before the wedding, the habits you’re much more likely to see in your chosen spouse include someone who steals all the blankets, forgets to refill the ice tray and sometimes runs the air conditioning machine at full blast with a window open in the next room.
It isn’t all rainbows and roses. Marriage can be hard. Parts of marriage are ugly-- slammed doors and harsh words, repetitive arguments, taking care of the sick partner, and the silent treatment. You see the absolute worst in someone: when they’re sick, mad, sad, being stubborn, and when they’re so unlovable they make you scream.
Married life means sometimes wondering if you've made the right decision-- and deciding to give it another go the next day. Of course, most romance novels aren’t gonna say any of that with their just-met protagonists who fall in love-- but we rarely see them live an average month afterward.
TBH, who’d really want to be married if they knew going in just how hard and ugly it can be…without also knowing about the correspondingly awesome and beautiful potential benefits? However big that number is, it’s probably 100x the number of people who’d want to read about an average day in an average couple’s average life. We can’t blame romance novel authors for writing what they write-- and leaving out what they omit. We’re just saying don’t set that as your benchmark for “good” in a relationship or marriage.
Yeah, we’ve discussed some of the ways in which marriage can be ugly-- most notably when you see your partner at their worst as a human being. Yet despite all that, when you choose the right life partner, being close to him or her is one thing you’ll look forward to most.
That’s because you also get to see him or her when they’re laughing so hard that tears run down their face, unable to speak, just keening and making weird gurgle noises. You’re at their side on the day they get that long-hoped-for news at work and want to celebrate.You’re there to praise their selflessness when they sacrifice their own desires to make a gift or donation so big it hurts a little. You see their look of satisfaction after a fun sexual session. You’re their night owl partner in crime at 3am when the neighborhood is asleep except you two, and you’re late-night-snacking in your own little world (otherwise known as the middle of the kitchen floor).
You’re the one who knows all his or her best stories (many of which you were there to experience first-hand with them). And you get to come home to the same person everyday that you know loves and cares about you.
Devil’s advocates will say that you can get many if not most-- or even all-- of these things without a marriage certificate or a lifetime commitment. They’d be right (especially for men, cohabitation alone will provide most of the benefits of marriage). If you’ve ever read “The Case for Marriage”-- admittedly a dry and academic book, even if we agree 100% with it’s conclusion that cohabitation and regular sex before marriage is often a bad deal for women-- it’s no wonder that the love and lust you’ll read about in most romance novels stops way before that new meet-cuted couple could hope for long-term marriage success (or tells the “happily ever after” story only briefly in a pithy epilogue after the main book’s story is over).
What’s sexy in fiction is simply sexier to read about, ya dig? And that’s a shame, because when you get the good and the bad, we think the real-life, real-world combo of what’s amazing and what’s kinda shitty all mixed together is the durable material that creates a solid foundation where a man and wife, man and husband, or lady and wife really know they can count on each other. Flings-- no matter how romantic, sexy or exciting-- don’t get that generous gift of security, stability and certainty.
Ever notice how a large percentage of 21st-century romance novels feature protagonists who are previously divorced, in the process of being divorced, separated or married-and-having-a-secret-love-affair? Genre fans will know exactly what we mean-- especially those that have been reading the stories for decades.
It’s just authors giving readers what they think they want: a safe escape, a fling, some risk-free titillation, and/or quite frankly a feel-good justification for wanting to give up and walk away from a marriage that isn’t working out perfectly for him or her.
When it comes to a long-term relationship that progresses to marriage, you will either decide you are going to be there for this person for the rest of his or her life… or not.
Marriage success and happiness together all starts with your own WHY.
Like we expounded upon in “Building a marriage is like building a house (10-step blueprint)”, the beauty of a stable marriage is that it's a foundation you can build on. Someone loves you so much that they’ll forgive you when you say something mean. You’ve got the confidence of knowing there’s another person on your team no matter what. You know why you chose each other and you have strong reasons why you’ll stick together ‘til death do you part’.
And while it’s not popular or politically correct to say so in a world where so many weddings are followed a short time later by a divorce, we don’t apologize for saying that a marriage should be a lifetime contract. It’s supposed to be the same kind of forever that’s promised with a beautiful 14 karat gold cubic zirconia eternity ring. An unbreakable promise where two people agree to provide each other stability, security and certainty for better or worse.
Life is so filled with uncertainties. Whether your marriage is going to last shouldn't be one of them. That’s why we compiled this list of what it means to say “I do”’: Every Happily Married Person Can Answer This Question.
We’ll end this blog post how we often end articles like this-- where we’re brutally honest about the good, bad and ugly of marriage and when we’re 100% sure there’s a subset of readers who think we’re crazy as shit-house rats.
Look, you’re probably not crazy (and neither are we).
When love is fresh and/or marriage is new, it’s easy for a couple to believe their little two-person exception to the rule has everything figured out for marriage success and unblemished happiness together -- to be sure that nothing will cause them to argue, cause her to to raise her voice, or cause him to become irrationally angry (certainly nothing as dumb as dirty laundry left on the floor).
We don’t mean to be condescending.
Many couples have this easy, hand-in-hand period of blithely skipping along through life together-- before being asked to carry a heavy load of each other’s emotional baggage, or having to swerve around many stumble-causing obstacles and potholes in the partnership path. It’s our sincere heart-felt wish for you that this blissful rose-tinted-glasses phase lasts forever for you (even though our heads know it won’t…and can’t).
Statistically speaking, we tell our customers and subscriber readers this harsh truth: your new marriage is in trouble from the first day. The numbers aren’t on a newlywed’s side, with 53% of marriages ending in divorce (41% of first marriages). Add another 10 percent to that to account for the marriages that have failed but the couples remain together for the kids or for religious reasons, and you’re seeing the reality that most marriages don’t work.
Love is risky, living with the imperfect person you love can and likely will include frequent fights (some about absolutely nothing), and marriage can be hard.
But a great marriage that’s a success is also having a love that people spend their whole life looking for: this most amazing and comforting thing you'll ever experience.
We’re not trying to bash romance novels. We read some of them-- sometimes even reading aloud to one another. All we’re saying is this: trying to pretend disagreements don’t happen in marriage, that tension isn’t expected, acceptable, and perfectly natural-- well, it’s like trying to walk through the mud with a wheelbarrow full of bricks when there’s a perfectly good paved path you could choose to walk on.
This is especially important for those readers thinking ahead to their first — and hopefully only— wedding. Going into marriage, we think it makes sense to be realistic in ways that reading romance novels won’t ever tell you.
By all means, if you’re heading towards a wedding, or a newlywed with starry-eyed, honeymoon glasses on your face, please don’t mind us. Go ahead and expect marriage success in the way of a long-lasting, mutually-supportive partnership… but, please for your sake and ours-- repeat customers and gifts make up a third of our high-quality cubic zirconia jewelry business-- please be sure you expect some bumps in the road, too!
It’s not too hard, is it? To put aside the perfect relationship expectations of a romance novel and expect a bit of trouble. Do that with us and we believe you’ll see success when you and your partner build up the strength together overcoming those inevitable marriage and life difficulties as a team-- gaining confidence in each other and your relationship, where others only see evidence of failure in every problem that comes up.
-- Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia]]>Funny, public, private, complicated, or perfectly simple—when you both look back on the moment you proposed, if you smile and feel the warmth of your love, you will know that your proposal was exactly right for the two of you.
Here are ten engagement proposal ideas to create a memorable proposal story for you both-- a “how he asked” answer you'll each enjoy telling for years and decades to come.
]]>Maybe you think you’re not romantic. Come on! You’re about to bare your soul and ask another human being to join with you forever! My friend, that is romantic. You get to decide what that means to you and your intended. So put your heart and soul into your engagement proposal decision. It’s one of the moments together that will deepen your bond over time.
Fear not. You are not on your own. No one can really tell you exactly what is right for the story you want to build together, but some ideas can spark your imagination. Here, for your inspiration, are 10 engagement proposal ideas that rock!
This is a genius idea for a proposal where the groom to be keeps things comfortable and fun. This guy knows his intended well, and he works with their shared sense of humor, fun and love of family and friends. Still, when the moment comes, it is an intimate proposal, just between them—although somewhat accidentally. That’s okay. It adds to the charm of this unique engagement proposal. Just enjoy the video, and keep in mind that you don’t have to be this elaborate. The magic here is in the chemistry in the relationship.
There is a lesson here. Don’t let the unexpected throw you off balance. Embrace it and make it part of your story! This engagement proposal is planned, but their interaction is natural and fun. Both of these people are comfortable in the moment. Wouldn’t you love to see what this pair’s wedding is going to be like? Whatever happens, it’s going to be a fun, relaxed expression of their love. That resilience and sense of humor will take them far together.
Who could say “no” to the loving cuteness of an adorable critter? Pet adoption day can come with the added bonus of an engagement proposal featuring a gorgeous engagement ring attached to your fur baby’s collar. Mind you don’t make the new pet a part of the surprise, though—unless you’ve talked about it already.
You can have fun with the note, too. Have someone knit a pet sweater with your proposal on it. A t-shirt would work, too.
Sometimes, no words are necessary. When your partner looks into these adorable eyes, there will be no doubt about what you’re trying to say. There is nothing like an excited puppy to raise the level of joy when your love says “yes” to marry you. And later on, when Puppy has an accident on your favorite sweater, or chews your Fluevog shoes, it will be easier to forgive him.
As you move forward together, your pet accomplice will be a part of your love story. This type of engagement proposal is a beautiful way to start your journey.
You don’t have to be Fellini, or have a small fortune to make a great movie trailer for your engagement proposal. Don’t worry if you’re not the most technically savvy person around. You can achieve cinematic greatness with a smartphone and the right app. Just add your personality and experiment with user-friendly technology. The finished product will make you look like a technical genius.
The two main ingredients for this engagement proposal are you and the love you have for your partner. You’ve got this.
Does your partner love books? Propose with a book specially written by you. What a lovely surprise. Imagine a cozy Sunday together. You relax together on the couch, or at the coffee shop you both enjoy. Maybe you met there. You present a mug of specialty coffee and a beautiful personalized book, authored by you. Who knew you were such a talented writer? Your sweetheart will keep it forever. Make it family friendly, and it can be a bedtime story if you have kids.
Of course, you can do a homemade version too. Use photographs to create a scrapbook story. Draw pictures. Heck, you can even cut words out of a magazine and paste them together ransom-letter style. The possibilities are endless.
This engagement proposal is great during the holiday season, but you can make it work any time. Arrange for a photo session—maybe it’s for your Christmas card together—and surprise your love with a proposal. This is a beautifully captured memory of the special moment when you ask the question. It’s also a sneaky, but brilliant way of combining proposal pictures with engagement photos. Ca-ching!
As a twist on the photo shoot proposal, hop into a photo booth together and playfully capture your proposal along with your love’s surprised, joyful reaction. Take props into the photo booth for fun. Try goofy glasses, boas, hats. These booths are often at the mall, so plan it with your love and spend some time at a dollar store getting your silly on. If you’re feeling really crafty, you could put your proposal on a cartoon bubble on a stick that you hold up, and have a “yes” bubble for your love, along with the ring.
Christmas proposals are lovely, don’t you think? String a garland over the fireplace, or anywhere it looks nice. Use 24 baby socks in red, white, and green for each day leading up to Christmas. The effect will look like miniature stockings hung up on Christmas Eve. Each day, one of you gets to open a stocking. If there are kids, they can be part of the fun too. Write a love note or haiku (it’s easy!) for each stocking. Make sure that her turn falls on Christmas Eve. Put a ring in the last stocking, or a note saying “Will you marry me?” inside the stocking and have a ring ready when your love reads the note. You can keep the Advent calendar for future Christmases together, either with blessings or small gifts.
There are many religious or other cultural celebrations that incorporate gift-giving over a few days. Adapt and have fun.
A classic charmer, the strong, silent proposal can be wonderful. This one worked for my dad. Present your partner with a beautiful bouquet, or other traditional gift like chocolate, and sneak the ring box inside. It’s worth a thousand words.
Why not ask the big question in your favorite place together? Your engagement proposal story can bring you back to one of the places you both love to go. Was it a vacation spot? Maybe it’s a coffee shop around the corner. Elaborate or simple, it is romantic if it means something to both of you.
Personalize a bottle of your sweetheart’s favorite wine. Or how about a bottle of champagne to toast the moment? It’s a nice way to end the day, or a lovely dinner for two. You can plan a day around this one, or a picnic in the park.
Think of it this way. You have already made the most important decision about your relationship, and where you would like things to go from here. In all likelihood, you have talked with your partner about the future, or you’ve done some gentle prodding to see find out if you are on the same page about the future. Maybe your love has been dropping subtle (or not so subtle) hints. The proposal can create nervous excitement for you, but that’s part of what makes the moment special. It doesn’t have to be stressful for either one of you. The most important thing to remember is to create a moment that reflects your life together now. Be flexible and have faith.
At this point, you know each other so well. You must have a great history together, or you wouldn’t be planning a proposal, right? This moment is for you and the one you love. Try to remember—anything that comes from the heart will create a beautiful memory, and a story you’ll enjoy sharing for all the years you will have together.Funny, public, private, complicated, or perfectly simple—when you both look back on the moment you proposed, if you smile and feel the warmth of your love, you will know that your proposal was exactly right for the two of you. And that’s the way it should be.
]]>For 25 hours only, take 25% off almost everything we make and sell* with promo code: 24yearsabouttime
]]>11-28-23 Cyber Monday promotion mentioned below is now at an end.
PROMOTION NO LONGER VALID
After 24 years online, it's about time we had a Cyber Monday sale!
For 25 hours only, take 25% off almost everything we make and sell* with promo code: 24yearsabouttime
* Must enter the promo code in CubicZirconia.com shopping cart online to apply the promotion. No minimum purchase required. Sales event begins 11/26/23 at 12:01am EST ends 11/28/23 at 01:00am EST. Offer can only be redeemed online at CubicZirconia.com. Does not apply to previous orders; no adjustments will be made for prior, existing or placed-pending-shipment orders. Offer not valid to discount sample packages, wholesale melee/accent stones orders, wholesale packages of loose stones already sold at a steep discount from single-stone prices or already pre-discounted bridal sets or wedding sets of multiple rings purchased together. Offer not valid to discount taxes, optional expedited shipping fees, clearance jewelry, repairs, ring sizing labor fees, CAD services, jewelry through the custom-made-from-scratch program (i.e. any order for which you receive the CAD computer assisted design images, and we need your approval of the CAD before manufacturing), or gift card purchases. Promotional code offer may not be sold or otherwise transferred, and is not redeemable for cash or cash equivalents. Any return of discounted merchandise will be for the price actually paid. Discount cannot be applied with other offers or promotions. Limit one promo code, discount code or coupon code per order transaction. Additional restrictions may apply. CubicZirconia.com in its sole discretion reserves the right to change, modify, replace, or cancel an offer at any time.
Let’s say you want to improve some things in your relationship.
Lots of individuals have benefited by using methods associated with SMART goal setting. That is to say, they create goals that are: Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Time-limited.
SMART goals aren’t just something you heard about one time at a career development workshop or on the Oprah Winfrey show. It’s a super simple process any person can use to ensure that you aren't just spinning your wheels and moving in no specific direction. Today we’ll talk a bit about how couples can do this in TANDEM.
Have you thought about where you'd like your relationship to be in 6 months?
Think about that as you review some of these example SMART goals that a couple might adopt to improve their relationship and life together.
According to a report by CNBC, 1 in 5 couples say that money is their biggest relationship challenge. Other reports suggest that about half of couples clash over finances at least once per month. Being financially ‘better off' might not translate into earning more income; it may simply mean improving the management of your finances. Better money management tends to result in fewer spousal battles over finances.
If you and your partner are financially stressed, hey it’s not something to be ashamed of, just something to work on together. It’s common and to get it under control, you’ll need to set some financial goals together.
Cutting back on non-essential purchases is one surefire way to improve your financial situation, allowing you and your partner to arrive at a more stable place financially in six months’ time. But what’s non-essential? Well, that will vary from person to person but one good way we’ve found is to look at bank and credit card statements regularly. Maybe you do it together. Maybe one of you volunteers to the task and reports what he/she found for discussion -- and possible cutting.
Pay close attention when you find recurring expenses! There is likely something that you aren’t benefiting from any more (or not as much as you were when you okayed the regular expense).
A second thing could be to link your cards and accounts to the Rocket Money app-- it’s free and pretty fast. The app will identify any subscriptions you might not want any longer. If there’s recurring subscriptions you’re no longer using or feel are worth the value-- the app will help you cancel them with a click. The service also does cool stuff like helping to negotiate on your behalf to lower bills with companies like DirectTV, AllState Insurance, Sirius XM, and many more.
If you’re anything like Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia, you may have subscriptions set against one of the many bank accounts, debit cards or credit cards you have open-- and maybe you just forgot about the damn thing. It’s more common than you think. Monthly, quarterly, annual and weekly payments for stuff really add up.A third idea could be investing your spare change by using one of the “round up” apps that takes each debit card purchase and invests the change (we’ve used the Acorns app for some of our purchases and it sends money to our kids’ ‘for the future’ accounts).
The Acorns app is only available for U.S. subscribers, not sure about the RocketMoney one. But all that does is make something easier. If you’re international or not into smartphone app banking, the principle behind these techniques is the same: there’s money in many transactions/weeks that we as human beings will waste if we can, but we won’t miss it if it gets transferred away to invest…and recurring subscriptions can be tough to track in modern times, most of us are wasting money paying for at least one thing we no longer want or need.Is cutting out a $15 per month recurring bill you forgot about going to add 3 grand to your net worth by 6 months from now? Nope and neither is stashing the coins from each debit card purchase in a “hidden” account set aside for investing that you don’t see every day (and thus aren’t tempted to spend).
But at $180 in unwanted subscription costs the next year no longer disappears when you didn’t realize it, and 200 debit card transactions per year dropping a bit less than a buck in change into an account for investing…it’s a start.Once you get those things going, maybe your next step is to look at investing in index funds. Or to make sure you’re maxing out your employer retirement-account contributions. Or to look into whether life insurance that accrues cash value is a good step for you and your family. Whatever it is, step one leads to step two and you’re getting momentum towards your goal together to spend less and invest more.
ONE FINAL EXAMPLE: Yes, due to the nature of our business, we’d be remiss not to mention that rather than struggling to pay for a diamond engagement ring, a couple could consider a dazzling high-quality cubic zirconia engagement ring. That’s a great way for not-yet-married couples to get in the habit of cutting down your financial obligations to size. And the exercise may free up funds for a “Diamond Dollar Difference” big splash of a wedding more expensive than you might have thought you could pull off. Or it may lead to the couple opting for a smaller budget wedding.
Either way is cool, and either way can be a use of SMART goals like “Save $5000 on the engagement ring so we can get married sooner and with a more expensive wedding than we can budget if we choose diamond for the proposal”. Maybe waiting to buy that perfect diamond makes sense for some guys. But, for others a delay of even 6 months is intolerable-- especially if the delay after deciding to get engaged has already been considerable...and just enough money is what’s lacking. Only you know your goal(s) for where you want your relationship to be in 6 months, dear reader.
These are concrete goals. Here before you go any further: set a plan to save a specific amount of money. Write it down. Maybe in six months, “we plan to increase our net worth by $3,000”. $3000 USD net worth increase in 6 months is a realistic goal for some people. Easy for others. Tough for some.
But whether the amount you choose to increase your investments in the next 6 months is a breeze or a stretch, your amount should be one that's easy to measure. Up the amount if that’s too easy. Decrease it if you’re feeling like it’s impossible. Pick an amount and commit to it as a couple. There. You’re on your way-- TOGETHER.
Just being together on a daily basis doesn't necessarily equate to ‘quality time'. This is especially true for Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia. As parents and business partners we can spend a ton of time in the same house, office or room-- without really ever connecting on a man/woman level.
Too often, partners take their romance for granted, but without proper care and maintenance, that romance can dissipate. We’ve seen it happen with others. We’ve felt it happen with us. It’s no fun for anyone to be living and sharing a bed with a non-romantic roommate for weeks or even months on end. The frustration can build and arguments become more common when one or both partners are lacking a degree of physical or emotional intimacy they signed up for-- but aren’t getting.
Frankly, this too happens more commonly than people want to admit.
To ensure that you and your partner are spending quality time together, you can’t be shy nor passive. It isn’t sexy or even romantic but if needed, use your calendar to schedule more dates. Your dates don't have to be extravagant. Plan a picnic or a hike at a nearby forest preserve. Have lunch together at a local cafe. A premium coffee and conversation without devices. The idea of what to do is less important than getting out of the house, away from any kids or responsibilities and routine…and doing that together (even if it means hiring a babysitter it’s worth it).
Marriages are dying every day because of couples’ failures to continue dating, but it's hard to make time due to our urgency addictions, modern busyness, procrastination and inertia-- especially after having kids. Here's one date ritual to make time for memorable moments together: 'pull a date out of a hat'.
As you set your goals, think about how much time you and your partner currently spend together. Think about how a few more dates a month could help you de-stress more. In six months, you may find that your extra time together outside of the daily routine is the best time you spent all month.
Before you're married: make sure you have what you love.
After you're married: make sure you love what you have.
Simple stuff, but powerful.
No matter where you are on the health and fitness spectrum, it can always be a bit better, right?! Exercising and eating healthy can be challenging on your own, but it may be less difficult when you have a partner to set goals with.
That’s especially true when the two of you may do your shopping for groceries together (or at least make the list together).
We won’t say here which of us has an Oreo Cookies addiction, but his flabby belly would have less flab if he spent more time trying to dunk a basketball and less time dunking those delicious chocolate cookies in milk.
One cool way you can trick yourself into new healthy habits is to just commit to “30 Days Without” and put that goal at the top of your grocery list. Or write it on a piece of paper and magnet-stick it to the fridge, like so..
Those are super simple SMART-style goals.
Maybe your thing is different from those examples. Some people are addicted to greasy foods. Fried foods. Cheese on everything. Cereal that wasn’t even healthy for you when you ate it as a kid. Or processed stuff in a bag or box. Packaged deli meats and salty chips. High-calorie sodas. Whatever.
Some couples will read this and be gung-ho about buying his and hers gym memberships. That is cool and can be a good way to spend quality time together. Personally, we’ve never worked out together in any formal sense. But why not schedule a morning or evening walk together? That’s something we enjoy at least once a week when things are going well in our marriage. Some couples might have the courage to turn that into a job and that’s cool-- but we’d probably be too out of breath to talk while jogging-- and the ‘walk n talk’ is the reason we do it together.
All we’re saying is that creative couples can combine some of your dates with fitness or even health food shopping.
To keep things simple, maybe before you read any further you just choose one healthy habit you can embrace or one unhealthy habit you want to try to eliminate (a “30 days without” challenge is a fantastic way to start something that you aren’t sure you can convince yourself to give up forever)..
The truth is, partners bring some bad habits to their relationships. Smoking, excessive drinking, too much fast food, junk food, salt or sugar-- these may be typical lifestyle habits but they can erode a person’s health.
Maybe quitting smoking is too big? And french fries or Oreos are too small? Well just get that one under your belt and try something bigger next month (maybe then it’s “30 days without packaged sweets” or “30 days without fried foods”). The point is this: what we can *realistically* do in 6 months is bigger than we probably realize…and starting small helps ingrain these choices into us as a lifestyle.
Reducing unhealthy habits doesn't just benefit you; it benefits your partner's life too.
Lastly, maybe you pick one new positive healthy habit you always wanted to have and make it a part of your daily or weekly routine-- together with your partner. Is there something you know you can and should do? Give it a 6 month commitment!
When you better yourself, you better your spouse’s spouse.
Whatever new healthy choices you make, as a couple you can set realistic goals that you can measure-- and hold each other accountable, maybe even better than one person can do alone. After all, no one wants to let their husband/wife down (though it happens, if there’s love there then there’s hurt when you commit to something and fail). Important: if you give your partner the green light to be your accountability partner if he/she sees you slipping on your commitment over the next 6 months, you can’t take it personally when they call you out for not following through.
It's never fun to clean up after a delicious meal or scour the bathroom on your only day off. And it’s even less fun to see the bathroom needs cleaning after you just pulled a full day at work-- and finished cleaning the dishes from a meal that you cooked and nobody appreciated.
But somebody has to do these things or we’ll live in a steadily grodier house.
It’s long been said that in a healthy relationship, both partners should tackle household chores. Yet here we are in the 2020s and the actual practice of that principle is just sad. There are women who go to the extreme of “women were oppressed for generations as second-class citizens and I’m not gonna clean anything, you can’t make me, he can do that.”. And there are men who think cleaning is women’s work. Both of those attitudes towards household management are just dumb in our opinion.
What chores are you doing? What are you not doing that you feel sure your housemate would appreciate? Is your approach to household labor affecting your intimate relationship? Do you and your significant other argue about housework?
Getting a handle on household division of labor sounds boring, but is a worthwhile goal that can enhance a love partner relationship.
One of you has to step up and create a plan to improve how you tackle housework. Don’t dictate to each other. Just volunteer to be the notekeeper. There’s no president. No vice president. And no secretary. Just a cleaning crew of equals.
This may involve the creation of lists (of who does what and when) and designating certain days/times on the “cleaning calendar” for fulfilling household obligations. Some couples may accept our advice to try using the list method for six months and see how it can improve your mood and how you relate to one another.
And hey! If you still find that you're struggling to manage sticky floors and countertops, why not hire a housekeeper or cleaning service to help you out? It can make a real difference-- even once per week or a couple times per month.
There are two primary causes for stress in a marriage:
#1 Finances.
#2 Division of household chores.
That’s why if you’re married-- or even just cohabiting-- and you’ve never considered hiring a housekeeper to spend a little money and get back a ton of time...we highly recommend it. You could start today with a phone call to a couple providers in your area. What’s it gonna cost to have a pro come in and do 2 hours of cleaning once per week for the next 6 months? Our guess: less than you thought. Our confident assertion: WORTH IT.
Learning about the world, the mind and the body-- and how these things all work together-- shouldn't stop with the acquisition of a diploma. And learning about your spouse shouldn’t stop with the wedding.
People who prioritize learning and discovering new things tend to be more interesting than those who don't. And partners who continue to prioritize learning about their spouses long after walking down the aisle show a degree of effort and care that can’t be faked (and shouldn’t have to be).
Trying new things individually and as a couple will help you keep your relationship fresh. The same old routine can become boring. As much as you love your partner, you may still want to try things that spark new interests that they may not want to try (or try more than once). There's nothing wrong with that. When you have a life outside the marriage, it makes you more interesting and attractive anyway.
Consider setting a monthly goal to try something new. Try something new together. Try something new separately. Get his/her commitment to try it with you at least once. And sometimes, yeah, the thing you try for the first time this month-- it can be fun to introduce your partner to that thing as his/her new thing next month.
These things could be stuff like:
These goals could be small (and they should be). There’s no need to over-complicate stuff. Just leave the house planning to do something new and see where it takes you. You can think about things that you'd love to do and make a goal to try them, or make a list of stuff to try. But nothing beats leaving the house with the idea to try something new and not coming home til you do.
Your partner may or may not want to try all these new things with you, but that's okay too. Even pursuing individual interests can have a positive effect on your relationship because you'll feel fulfilled and possibly more eager for your partner to find new personal interests too.
Two of our own ‘try new things’ ideas that resulted in lifestyle changes not just for us but our employees too:
A relationship is just as alive as the persons in it.
You can pamper a relationship.
Grow it.
Shrink it.
Feed it.
Starve it.
Heal it.
Injure it.
Setting couples’ goals can help you support your relationship's well-being.
Think about your current relationship.
If you're having problems in a certain area, set a goal to improve that problem.
Remember to set goals that are measurable so that you can evaluate your progress at the end of six months.
Even small improvements are valuable, so be sure you celebrate your milestones as you meet your goals-- and be gentle when you fall short.
After 6 months, continue with the same goals if you need to or set new goals.
It’s November 2023 and the headline “Improve our marriage this year” with a few small, specific baby steps in that direction has been written on a poster-board in our bedroom since 2020. That year was tough for a lot of people-- and we were no different. Each year since we maybe think about taking that poster down-- and then we leave it up.
What about you, dear reader?
What concrete goals can you set to improve your relationship?
Here's your first goal–make a date with your partner to hit a coffee shop.
Order coffee or tea and then set some couple’s goals together.
One date, a few actionable goals, and you've already made progress!
Imagine if you had a crystal ball and could fast forward your life to 6 months from now and take a peek at what awaits.
What would your relationship with your significant other look like?
Would you finally be engaged?
Would you have transitioned from engaged to having had a wedding?
Would your marriage be out of the rut it’s kinda gotten in recently?
Would the two of you be healthier, wealthier and happier?
Would you be enjoying more quality time as a couple?
Would you live a life of more sex, less stress, more fun, less arguing?
What we’ve provided today is just a “smart” way to make it happen, together.
The result is that you'll both always be working to better your lives.
Who wants to be courageous enough to comment publicly below with one or more of your 6 month couples’ goals? Go for it. Just remember to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic, Time-limited).
Cheers to you (and a better ‘us’),
Mrs. and Mr. Cubic Zirconia
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But I know I’m not the only woman who wishes for a husband who made these habits a part of his regular daily life.
P.S. Ladies, leave a blog comment with your own rockin’ husband favorite habit. I think we want to ship 1-2 lucky commenters a freebie in the mail for their comments.
Men might not readily see themselves as 'nurturers,' but husbands who make time to nurture their relationship even after 5, 10, or 20 years are likely to be rewarded with a strong marriage and a bride who nurtures them right back.
Ready to cultivate some winning habits, fellas?
Here are 7 husbandly habits that are worth developing to keep your marriage on track and your wife smiling.
With today's smartphones, it's more convenient than ever to schedule alerts about important dates. Anniversaries are milestones, so don't forget to set aside time to celebrate yours. Even a small gift will make your wife feel that she's still special to you.
Of course, jewelry makes a fabulous gift too! You know high-quality cubic zirconia jewelry is our favorite.
Be sure you remember to celebrate other important occasions like her birthday and Valentine's Day too!
These days, both men and women work outside the house; yet, survey after survey still demonstrates that women do more at home.
Division of housework can be a sore spot in a marriage if one partner is always left holding the broom. Don't make your wife come to resent you by failing to chip in and do your fair share of work around the home.
You might even consider outsourcing some of her chores and yours, too: The case for couples to hire a housekeeper.
Whether you do laundry duty yourself or hire the help ... .all I’m saying is be a modern man and be sure that you pull your weight around the house.
Oh yeah, and remember that things like making dinner and grocery shopping can also be quality time-- when you do these chores together.
When you're both at home, make sure that you're present.
Like my dude Alex Hitchens says “When you’re in the room, be in the room. Concentrate. Focus. Women respond when you respond to them.”
The power of your presence doesn’t go away when you’re way past dating and into day-to-day marriage. But I’m sorry to tell you: the woman in your life needs your presence more to get the same kind of results you used to get with less quality time, guys. And just because you're both at home doesn't mean that the time you're spending together is quality time, either.
Please….put down your cell phone and leave your work at work.
If you’ve gotta do it in a calendar or not at all, man up and schedule that quality time.
The QT with your precious 100% presence is the only way you can show her that it's a priority for you. You can’t tell her. You’ve got to be real, be there with her, and be committed to tuning out other distractions during this special time for the two of you.
Hold your wife's hand when you're out taking a walk.
Bring her a cup of tea before she thinks to ask or make herself one.
Small, sweet gestures feel great-- often even better than grand gestures.
It might seem old-fashioned, but women still like to be surprised with flowers for absolutely no reason-- except that you saw them and thought of her.
Let “just because” be your weekly watchword at least once. Think of something sweet and do it-- for no other reason than that you wanted to see her smile.
It goes without saying that sometimes topics of conversation are going to come up that aren't especially interesting for you. You can be a better husband when you listen to her anyway. Hey maybe the conversational topic doesn't excite your interest, but she definitely does.
So if she's complaining about a coworker or recounting lunch with a friend, all you gotta do to get major points is just listen. One mouth, two ears brother.
It costs nothing from your wallet and little from your time bank. Yet for the little effort required, the return on time invested can be considerable.
That’s because when you listen actively, attentively and with a desire to make her feel important….it’s often going to accomplish exactly that. And a wife who feels important is a chick who won’t soon forget how you fill her emotional tank.
She wants to learn how to ballroom dance? Maybe she wants to go back to school. Whenever she sets new goals for herself, a husband that’s worth having will be supportive.
Life is about growing and trying new things.
A husband that rocks will help her to achieve her goals--not hold her back.
When she's struggling with something, those are the times she really needs the support of her husband. Let her know you’re there to advise or simply comfort her. And yeah, that doesn’t have to mean solving problems, either. Listening can accomplish wonders.
We can all experience bad moods, but men-- especially those with a strong frame like my husband Mr. Cubic Zirconia-- need to be mindful about the energy he brings into the home. A husband should be a leader in the family.
And if he’s leading everyone down a rabbit hole of depression, negativity and complaining? Well, that’s no bueno.
If you're constantly bringing work stress home, verbally lashing out, moping around or acting like Grumpy McGrumpFace, it's gonna impact your home life gentlemen.
Over time, letting your negative energies have too much free rein can even color your marriage brown and lifeless.
Your spouse counts on you to bring positivity, persistence and good cheer to your shared home life. All energy is contagious, okay? If you’re gonna pass it on, let it be POSITIVE ENERGY.
Tell us what you think!
Do you have another habit in mind that you think husbands should have?
Write it down in the comments.
We're thinking about presenting surprise gifts to 1-2 lucky commenters!
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>Marriage is meant to be for life, right?
And divorce is expensive.
It takes a toll on your health, emotions, relationships, finances and state of mind.
Here are 9 poetic reasons a couple might consider couples’ counseling first before putting themselves through the pain, cost and hassle of dissolving a marriage:
Right?
Well, sure, there might be certain deal-breakers for some couples.
Common marriage-threatening issues might be:
Or some other severe incompatibility not apparent until after walking down the aisle.
For couples that go the distance, these are just mountains to climb together-- not hills for the marriage to die on.
In today’s post we’ll take a look at 9 primary reasons for couples who are contemplating divorce to give their marriage another try-- and to do it with the help of a professional couples’ counselor.
Why?
Because divorce is expensive.
It takes a toll on one’s health, emotions, relationships, finances and state of mind.
Roses are red, violets are blue, counseling is cheaper than divorce for two?
That’s right, Lord Byron (and yeah, we’re gonna stick with the poetry theme).
Why not?
There's something poetic about trying again for the sake of love.
And there’s something sweet about a little suffering to be sure.
If you and your spouse are struggling to make it work, we’re not saying divorce shouldn’t ever be an option. We’re simply saying it’s worth a couple considering these poetic reasons for seeking help with couple's therapy-- before putting themselves through the pain, cost and hassle of dissolving a marriage.
There's nothing poetic about halving your nest egg.
It's likely going to hurt. Plus, how do you know you'll get half? There may be aspects of the divorce settlement that cut deeply into what you thought was your share of the savings accumulated before or after two became one.
Did you know that single people experience poorer health than people who are married? Harvard Health reported in a study that married men had better health than single or divorced men. Death might be just one divorce decree away-- when a guy is battling higher cholesterol, heart problems, respiratory diseases and increased health dangers all around.
According to the studies, it appears that the cliche of the bachelor in the kitchen holds true. And who wants to be the bachelor in the hospital bed?
Think we just cherry-picked one scientific study because “Harvard” sounded credible? You’d be right. But we chose one from among literally hundreds of academic studies that have been conducted over the past 100+ years that have demonstrated that marriage is good for one's health.
The stats are on your side to give that meeting with a couple's therapist a try before contemplating a divorce. Doing so may be as good for your physical health as your mental health.
Speaking of mental health, a divorce can be a hammer to the head. And one of the first things to hurt is the ability to think clearly and rationally-- especially when the topic in mind touches on the person who is (or soon to be) your ex-wife / ex-husband. And let’s be honest-- what topics DON’T touch on that person after enough time being married and interweaving your lives together?
Then there’s the mental cost of figuring out things that you now have to do for yourself-- that he/she used to do for you. And the mental price you’ll pay before setting up a new life with all its required routines, and rebuilding structures for home, work, family and more. Already too much? That is just mental stress and discomfort even before we get to the very real emotional component of dividing two intertwined lives in separation forever.
Think twice and again before making divorce an early option in a marriage that’s not working currently-- that’s all we’re saying-- or in prematurely seeking this big change you may risk your ability to think clearly at all.
Divorcing a spouse isn't cheap. The more complex your case-- the division of property and debt, the presence of children or a business or investments-- the more expensive your attorney's fees are likely to cost.
If you need legal representation-- as most people do-- you might pay about $3,000 USD just to start with. It's not uncommon for people to wind up paying their attorneys $10,000 or more to get divorced. And that’s common even when there aren’t a bunch of things to argue about!
I’ve always thought it’s ironic that many divorce attorneys bill their time at an hourly rate far more than the average person earns per hour. After all, the average couple that ends up in a divorce battle probably already has plenty of experience arguing. So what is it for the attorneys to do anyway? Hint: they’ll take your cash for as long as they can.
Still, in all seriousness, it's often necessary for someone getting a marriage dissolved to rely on a divorce attorney for help navigating the divorce process-- especially in the event that a personal business is concerned or he/she has children.
Are we making the case for couples counseling here? Yep, couple's therapy is much cheaper than legal representation from divorce attorneys (a couple will need two, of course-- both billing by the hour after all).
Kids complicate everything. Sometimes in a wonderful way, yes, but never do they obey the principle of separation of love and hate. If there’s tension between their parents, it’s definitely going to come out with tension among the family.
Parents with children have to give some thought to the effect of a divorce on their kids. Worry that the stress caused by a divorce will negatively affect the children is entirely understandable. What about you? Did your parents get divorced? How did you manage the situation? Some kids do fine. Others fall apart.
If you’ve read our stuff before, you probably know we’d counsel transparency with kids. Forget the stigma. Couples’ therapy isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s a step from here to there-- and you can let them know you have a desire to attend couples therapy together to deepen your connection to one another.
It’ll be a far easier conversation than the alternative-- and there’s nothing wrong with kids learning early that what’s worth having is worth fighting for.
Have you considered whether a divorce court will mandate that you pay alimony to your spouse? Sometimes referred to as spousal support, alimony is an amount of money that your ex may be entitled to based on your income and lifestyle.
In some cases, the courts may instruct you to pay temporary spousal support for a specified period of time– often before the divorce is finalized.
The support, when permanent, is intended to provide for your former spouse even after the divorce becomes finalized.
The amount depends on many variables but no matter the amount-- it will most likely be no fun to pay.
Maintaining one house and household can be tough enough, but when you and your spouse split up, you'll both have to decide where you're going to live–- and to pay the bills for each setting. Just moving costs alone can suck, but what really blows is the financial burden of maintaining two households with the same earnings a couple might have struggled somewhat to do for one household.
Paying for a second household you don’t personally use can over-stress an already highly stressful situation. Plus, it may be necessary to pay for both households for quite a while as the divorce process continues.
When combined with attorneys' fees, the cost of the divorce and its associated expenses can drain both parties financially there’s no doubt. .
Divorcing a spouse is one thing, but imagine ‘divorcing' your in-laws, too. It can be difficult to separate from in-laws and your spouse's extended family-- especially if you have kids. The family situation can become very tense and, over time, remain an ever-present stressor.
Your connection with your in-laws may become problematic, but if you have children, you may have no choice but to remain involved with them. Dealing with in-laws as a spouse can be tough enough, but dealing with them as an ex-spouse can be a nightmare.
It’s far easier to schedule a marriage counseling session. You might be pleasantly surprised-- why not give it a try?
It can be emotionally painful to end a marriage. Even though your relationship may be tumultuous, you may be able to foster new ways of dealing with one another in healthy ways when coached by a therapist.
The stress of a divorce, on the other hand, may require visiting a mental health professional to get help coping with the emotional fallout of the situation.
Losing a spouse may not be the only loss of going down the path to divorce. Your emotional health may take a hit if you lose one or more pets in the divorce. What if one doesn’t win custody of his or her children?
Divorce can be emotionally challenging-- even depressing. The stages of grief in full effect. It can take years to recover from the emotional trauma of divorce-- which is why you might benefit simply by giving marriage therapy a try.
Marriage is supposed to be forever, but if you're struggling with that notion, all I’m saying with today’s post is this:
It costs a lot to divorce-- time, money, energy, taking a toll on your health, wealth, state of mind and relationships. Isn’t that BIG PAIN for many tomorrows worth avoiding if we can accept some small discomfort today?
I've noticed something about humans that’s interesting. It seems that a lot of people choose to make massive changes to avoid making smaller ones.
Instead of confronting a neighbor with a loud dog barking all day long, they’ll move.
Instead of having a conversation with their boss about working from home two times per week, they'll quit.
Instead of going to couples therapy, they'll file for divorce.
I’m not quite sure why people ignore small changes-- except maybe they think life is a video game where one can press the “reset” button and avoid small discomforts and change.
Small changes can totally be worth it.
Small changes can add up to big results.
Now, I'm not advocating you should never make big changes in your life.
On the contrary, I believe there are times when big, sweeping changes are necessary.
e.g. You are in a relationship you know is over, you hate your job and it’s making you feel dead inside, you're an alcoholic who is so non-functioning it’s not funny.
When that voice in your head whispers to you to make a change you can choose to listen to it or ignore it.
You should listen to the whispers because if not that voice in your head will eventually start screaming at you!
If there’s been no poetry in your marriage for some time...we hope today’s post may have gotten you thinking that there’s a path less traveled you could take.
A small change you could make.
The small change of inviting a marriage therapist into your relationship can provide unbiased support for you and your spouse, helping you develop strategies for managing your differences and challenges.
A therapist can help you identify problematic ways of relating and communicating.
Despite what someone may have picked up over a lifetime of absorbing the prejudices and misconceptions of people around him or her, couples’ therapy isn’t for losers. It’s not a last resort reserved for husbands and wives headed straight for divorce court, either.
Done properly, marriage counseling can provide great tools for partners to learn how to get along, coping strategies, and skills to communicate in a way that works.
Among countless other possible benefits from some thoughtful therapy sessions, a couple might resolve conflict, fall in love again and even improve their sex life.
With the expertise of a marriage counselor, a couple can embrace new ways of living together and loving each other. Given all the negatives associated with divorce, it's certainly poetic to try to build your marriage up rather than tear it down. Isn’t it?
And to get back what you had and lost...it’s worth it, isn’t it?
Wishing you and your significant other many more years of love and laughter,
After watching this funny and incisive video, if you can correctly answer just 5 simple multiple choice questions-- the answers to which are in the video-- you will get a free CubicZirconia.com gift card worth $50 USD to purchase anything you want.
]]>But in reality, it’s neither.
On an episode of truTV’s “Adam Ruins Everything”, comedian Adam Conover completely destroyed both common beliefs in just 3 minutes and 53 seconds.
We couldn’t have said it better*, Adam.
And for that reason, we’re willing to pay you $50 for less than 4 minutes of your time to watch this funny, insightful, incisive and irreverent video.
After watching the video, if you can correctly answer just 5 simple multiple choice questions-- the answers to which are in the video-- you will get a free CubicZirconia.com gift card worth $50 USD to purchase anything you want.
Adam Ruins Diamond Engagement Rings |
Watch the 4 minute video above, answer 5 simple questions correctly and you too can receive a free $50 gift card from CubicZirconia.com, The Clear Choice for Cubic Zirconia ™.
(click this TOP quiz button link if you are NOT YET AN EMAIL SUBSCRIBER of CubicZirconia.com) |
-- OR -- |
(click this BOTTOM quiz button link if you are ALREADY AN EMAIL SUBSCRIBER of CubicZirconia.com) |
The only difference between this free gift card and a gift card purchased from our company is the purchased one has no expiry...and this one you can get as a free gift is good for only 12 months. Fair enough?
* Though we might have said it with fewer curse words.NSFW / Not safe for kids. Please note that while it aired on cable television, there is some profanity in this video. While cursing isn’t always appropriate, we discussed this video in the shop and felt it was more funny and educational than offensive. If you think it’s in bad taste, please accept our apologies in advance (we were absent on "Etiquette Day" in middle school).
]]>
But if you’re not already a definite ‘Diamond Doubter’, we're not asking a person to believe anything just yet-- until he or she can see the evidence for themselves. All we ask is that you refrain from disbelieving while we show you our proof that 'the more he spends, the more he loves her' is absolute bullshit.
If an economic system in any capitalist society is left unchecked, it’s a virtual guarantee that future generations will one day wake up to find that what they were taught is now wrong and the ‘system’ now revolves around the wrong thing.
We’re not anti-capitalist by any means.
After all, this is a commercial blog for a profit-making business!
It’s just an observation.
But an important one to consider for consumers such as our high-quality cubic zirconia plus precious metals jewelry customers to be on their guard against as he/she tries to navigate choices in a world where so many people have bought a hard-sell worldview where the perception is that a man needs to feel shame for not being capable of buying a $5,000+ ring to show his love.
How did that BS perception happen, anyway?
To make a long story short, we think it’s because extremes morph into averages and lies tend to become beliefs over a long period of time-- especially with enough cash pushing the lie and protecting the status quo where the extreme was on its way to becoming normal.
Perhaps a macroeconomic example or two might help shed some light on this?
Here’s one example most people reading this are probably (maybe even painfully) familiar with): Student loans for university education in the United States.
The U.S. student loan system was supposed to help young people get a good education so they could get a good job and strengthen the American economy.
Over the years, the most aggressive schools pushing student loans at 17-year-old kids to make 6-figure, life-altering decisions with very little financial education...well, they’re the ones that over the last decades established what amount to educational factories with an assembly-line precision earning money at inflated-and-ever-increasing prices the U.S. government allowed, paid and guaranteed-- all while regularly cutting the value and quality of the actual services they provided.
These extremely aggressive colleges have grown many times over in the recent decades, enjoy ridiculous tax advantages, and face very little regulatory oversight when it comes to financial matters affecting hundreds of millions of people. And the Doberman trusted with the ham sandwich is that these institutions have a vested interest in continuing the new normal they helped create.
Now, the whole U.S. student loan system is pretty much just optimized to make already well-endowed educational institutions rich-- while creating an entire industry of vultures to collect unbankruptable debt.
What about the much-publicized, multi-decade attempt to “cure cancer”?
Medicine has been banging its head against the brick wall of cancer cells for over 50 years. And the medical establishment has maybe managed to reduce suffering from the dreaded disease a little...and extend a life a number of weeks or months.
What a joke.
It’s not enough.
And there’s no ‘cure’ on the horizon, either.
Why all the hype and so little hope for a real cure?
Some medical experts who can speak publicly without fear of retribution-- because their livelihood doesn’t depend on the companies and institutions pushing the status quo-- could tell you exactly why the massive dollar amounts supposedly thrown at this problem aren’t bringing the results that matter to people dying.
It’s because now, the vast majority of research dollars in the fight against cancer go to creating life-prolonging drugs for late-stage cancer-- drugs that make Big Pharma rich (but don’t do as much for so many sufferers as prioritizing early detection methods and prevention education could).
Frankly, the U.S. higher education system might be the biggest scam running.
And the way Big Pharma continues profiting off of drugs for those dying in late stage cancer misery-- and buying up and closing down any companies doing research on early cancer detection measures-- may be the most evil thing we’ve seen in the world of business.
In our opinion…not far behind on the scammy and evil list, however, is the diamond engagement ring.
Beyond the many, MANY lies the diamond industry has told for decades (many of which we’ve documented on our blog and in our emails)…there’s the big issue of how these solitaire swindlers have commercialized the emotion of love and somehow managed to transform a personal and thoughtful gift into a status symbol that has come to be measured-- and judged-- by the size (and the price tag).
Simply put: because never in the history of mankind has there ever been a more overpriced commodity consumer product than the mined, natural diamond in the last 100 years.
And all that cash flowing for so many years to just a few hands – *cough* the diamond cartel, which manipulated world prices by falsely claiming diamonds are rare when they aren’t— has provided fuel to fan the advertising flames that have seared the desirability of the diamond brand-- and the lie that ‘the more he spends, the more he loves her’-- deeply into the public consciousness.
The diamond hucksters have told a LOT of lies in advertising with the profits of their enterprise. In our opinion, these jerks have had many despicable (and dangerous) business practices over the decades.
Among the worst non-life-threatening things the diamond cartel did is persuading hundreds of millions of people around the world-- across a number of generations-- of the existing lie about romantic gifts that “the more he spends, the more he loves her”.
The more he spends the more he loves her?
An expense defining an emotion?
That’s always been bullshit and it’s bullshit applied to engagement rings, too.
Here’s how we see it...
> The fanciest restaurant.
>> The most expensive vacation.
>>> The swankiest engagement ring.
Each can be a wonderful gift for the one you love.
No doubt about that.
But in part generally due to the innate tendencies of capitalism to move towards extremes, there is a rampant misconception in today’s culture that a gift giver’s affection increases with the price tag of the gift.
Some people believe the lie.
You can’t change their mind.
We’re not here to change their mind.
And judgment isn’t what’s our motive today.
These folks can be right and leave this website stage left, immediately and without spending any of their hard-earned money with CubicZirconia.com.
That’s fine with us.
Those same people would never think to stop alongside a beautiful field of wildflowers, and ask the property owner’s permission to pick a small bouquet as a gift for their loved one whom they are driving to meet-- but believe spending $200 USD on a bouquet online with a credit card, for delivery to their loved one’s workplace is the height of romance.
We just aren’t compatible in our beliefs about romance-- and that’s okay.
(truthfully, both gifting gestures can be romantic and thoughtful and In our humble opinion it all depends on the couple and the context-- not the cash outlay)
Rarely has this belief that ‘the more he spends, the more he loves her’ been as widespread as with the “diamond engagement ring”.
That way of looking at things leaves out the tremendous importance of shared experience between gift giver and recipient.
The cost of a ring (or any gift) has NOTHING to do with depth of affection.
Let’s say it again with feeling, ok?
In truth…if you picked the right life partner:
Love is in your heart-- not reflected from how many Instagram likes you get.
Love is in your heart-- NOT worn on your hand.
We think an engagement ring is about symbolizing a life of two together, sharing the experience of experiencing the gift of giving oneself one to the other.
An over-priced diamond really of little intrinsic value can’t touch that.
A token of love is a poor substitute for the real thing.
Money isn't everything.
Being with the one who completes you is everything.
Of course, we do think an engagement ring can and should be purchased as a quality item if you want to participate in the tradition of proposing marriage with the gift of an engagement ring. After all, that ring may be worn day in and day out for decades. Grabbing something made of cheap materials that can’t be worn daily might not be the best way to go-- and that’s exactly what we were thinking when we originated our 5A diamond-quality cubic zirconia stones being set in high-quality precious metal settings.
Our jewelry catalog began offering engagement ring settings no different than what our early customers were finding at retail jewelers they had been considering for a precious metal engagement ring set with diamond. When we chose to pair our stones with pure 950 platinum, 10 karat gold, 14 karat gold, 18 karat gold, .925 sterling silver-- some jewelers called us crazy. 25 years after our first website went online in 1999, to be honest, quite a few other jewelers still think we’re crazy to offer diamond lookalikes for < $75 and refuse to deal in natural diamonds.
Their unasked question: ‘Why turn your back on the fat profit margins you too could be earning on pushing overpriced diamonds like we do?’ Our proud answer is the same today it has always been: love doesn’t have a price tag.
If you came to today’s post not sure yet if you’re going to participate (or participate further) in fattening the diamond cartel’s collective wallet or not-- especially if the jewelry you’re shopping for next is a once-in-a-relationship engagement ring-- we’d like to leave you with a simple question:
We aren’t calling women who love sparkling diamonds materialistic.
Of course, to each his own or her own. Whether bought for herself or received as a gift, if she genuinely loves it...that’s not what we’re saying.
We’re saying a culture that values a bag of smoke over substance is not making decisions in its own best interests.
We’re saying a society that has been programmed to demand debt to purchase diamonds to prove an emotion isn’t making decisions in its own best interests.
We’re saying what each partner in a couple buys for each other as gifts is their business and no one else’s.
Anything else, and some priorities are out of whack in our opinion.
The problem as we see it is when it’s expected in society for a man (or woman) to go into debt to buy a super expensive ring just to prove they love you.
We think the so-called ‘diamond engagement ring tradition’ is one example of where we as a culture- and individually couple by couple-- have a chance to maybe take a step back and give a good hard look at things.
The conversation of “do we want a diamond ring or not?” isn’t really one most couples can avoid. But you shouldn’t try!
It’s a perfect time to lay a lot of related things on the table and together figure out what is *really* important in the life the two of you want to build.
Maybe even have the conversation this young lady recently had with her soon-to-be-fianceé, some months before we read her post-purchase comments:
“We just rather put it into buying a house than on my finger! I love my ring and get lots of compliments and proudly tell them it's CZ! The choice was harder than we thought. But no one can tell the difference. Your husband should be proud, but if he’s like mine ain’t no one else gonna know it isn’t a diamond. Those diamond bastards just did too good a job brainwashing millions of people.”
This has just been our humble opinions of course.
Plus indisputable facts.
Never forget facts!
Diamond Doubters Manifesto: 9 great Lies of the Diamond Cartel
Sorry, but there can be no love without the risk of loss, grief, screwing up, sadness and dissolution of the relationship.
But why dwell on it? Today’s post is about accepting the risk of relationship loss as one price to pay for the pursuit of happiness in that relationship.]]>
From pregnancy and birth to a childhood of scraped knees, to growing up and driving a two thousand pound machine at highway speeds, you have always been at risk. Risks surround you, follow you and touch you daily.
And you’ve overcome many of these risks again and again!
Our life, our very breathing, the miracle of human life wherein an ugly heart every day pumps blood into miles of vessels throughout a beautiful body is an extraordinary event in and of itself.
And all the while that blood is pumping, we face risks. Risk of accident. Risk of hurt. Risk of sadness. Risk of loss. Risk of death.
We’re ALL risking things every day of our lives.
Indeed, just being alive here today to read this is in itself a succession of huge risks already braved and bested. Hold on to that thought, ok? Because therein lies a secret to happiness that my mother taught me as a young girl-- but which my husband didn’t learn until he was almost 35 years old.
Although we can't always control the risks to our physical person, many of us attempt to protect our emotional selves from harm.
We say life is risky, love is risky...count me out.
Or worse (we play the game without committing to it).
Yes, to love is to risk-- just as to live is to risk.
Yes, giving our heart to someone risks being hurt badly.
Yes, it could hurt to a degree from which we might not entirely recover.
Is love really worth all the effort when, in the end, it might not work? That we might have our hopes up only to find them dashed into pieces? After all, we see it happen all the time-- love goes bad. It’s fair to ask: do we really want to face the risk and give our hearts to someone who might not (always) deserve our love?
Mr. Cubic Zirconia and I have talked about this.
Our view is that love is risky, sure, but since life is risky, why not live life to the fullest and risk romance? You might suffer a broken heart but if you choose well and give it your best, you might win the kind of forever-love you want.
Isn’t it worth the times when you might NOT feel romantic about the person you do indeed still love?
About half of marriages end in divorce.
Yes, the risk of love and marriage is financial as well as emotional.
Loving someone who doesn't, ultimately, love you back or love you the way you deserve and/or desire can be a forlorn experience.
A failing relationship can lead to anxiety and even depression-- especially for people whose body chemistry makes them more vulnerable than normal to strong feelings
(yes, I’m talking about people like my husband, who can hardly get through an almost-perfect week’s vacation maintaining calm, patience and happiness without multivitamins, Saint John’s Wort and CBD oil).
The loss of love can leave even emotionally-strong people feeling mistrustful, angry, and hurt.
But what about the more material concerns? Let’s say a person decides to risk it all on that feeling of love he/she has for someone else. They get married and before a lifetime commitment is over they find they’ve not only lost their hearts to love, but also their home and a big chunk of their livelihood, too.
Dividing assets after a relationship breakup is like rubbing salt in a fresh wound.
It sucks to accept that kind of risk following the feeling of love to the institution of marriage. The risk of things going wrong with love is very real….but so is the chance for things going perfectly. Those who accept the risks with an open heart risk not just loss but chance for gain. You’re not betting not to lose…you’re betting to win!
And the winner is...?
YOU.
Love can be pure bliss when it's right, but you can't experience it if you don't take the risk of falling in love.
Opening your heart to love may leave it vulnerable, but it also opens you up to personal growth and a greater likelihood for happiness.
When love is good, it can inspire you to be your best, a person who radiates hope, contentment and joy.
Some people are convinced that love is worth the emotional risk but marriage is not worth the material risks.
What do you think?
My husband Mr. Cubic Zirconia and I are strong proponents of marriage.
Why bother with getting married?
You get married because you decide marriage is worth the risk.
Marriage to the person we love allows us to take on a very exciting state of mind. And that is this: anything is possible. Anything. And if anything is possible, the risk of things going wrong is very real….but so is the chance for things going perfectly.
Here's why we think marriage is worth the risk:
1.Companionship
Having that special someone at your side to share the day is one of the advantages of marriage. Whether you're lounging on the couch, doing yard work, or attending someone else's wedding, you'll enjoy having your life-long companion and friend at your side.
2. Mate
When you marry, you have a mate for life. Sex may not be everything, but it's definitely something when you and your spouse are a match in the bedroom. Many people would say that sex is a basic human need; once you marry, you have your mate, and you have someone to cuddle with on cold, damp nights.
3. Share the Work and ResponsibilitiesHaving a partner means that you can share the load. You can take turns with chores like cooking or laundry (or you have more resources to hire someone to do that stuff). You can work together to make your home a place for you together.
4. Someone to Rely OnHaving a spouse means that you have someone to depend on when you get sick or hurt. Marriage affords a level of commitment that lesser commitments typically do not. Taking vows, in sickness and health, means that you both acknowledge the risks associated with life, but you're willing to be there for one another even when the chips are down and the future is uncertain.
5. Physical and Emotional Need Fulfillment
As emotional creatures, humans love. It's something we do, something most of us need. On some level, refusing to take the risk means that you lose out on love and the benefits of marriage without even trying.
Of course, finding the right person, the right match, is the crucial point.
It's important to find someone who deserves the effort you're willing to make and the risks you're willing to take for their sake.
But what are you here for if not to live and love to the fullest?
Love and marriage can be among the best parts of a life if you choose wisely.
Which life would you rather have, one where you took on some calculated risks, found love, created a life together and did things others never dreamed of?
My future husband once told me he felt that was the biggest risk of all: to look back and wonder if your life mattered. At the time, he was justifying an investment in a small jewelry company instead of health insurance.
I’ll leave that up to you to decide.
All I can say was it was scary. And we had luck on our side.
Love and laughter,
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
EDIT-- Post-publication note from Mr. Cubic Zirconia: Yes, some of the benefits my wife listed for marriage come from cohabitation. Especially for men. There are other benefits for love to lead naturally to marriage rather than just cohabitation-- especially for women. The book I noted above made those differences clear enough for me to realize after almost ten years together that I had better put a ring on it. Perhaps the day is coming when we should do an in-depth review of that book "The Case for Marriage". Hmmm...for now, I'll just say 'have a great day'!
]]>
And who knows, you might even be good enough at it to win!
-- Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>If you want to upgrade your typical steak-and-potatoes night on the town with an arresting alternative, consider taking your partner out for a murder mystery dinner theater date.
Conjure your inner Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, or Sherlock Holmes to solve the crime. As an interactive experience, murder mystery diners can participate in the solving of the crime or relax with their meal and cocktail and simply enjoy the show.
Being a detective for an evening has traditionally been a favorite recurring date idea for Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia. You can uncover the clues between courses and celebrate solving the brain teaser with your favorite gal or guy. And who knows, out of all the people in attendance guessing “who done it?” you too may be able to bring home the winning trophy for the evening.
A murder mystery theater show needs to give the audience a limited list of possible murder suspects, along with the promise that one of these individuals will later be exposed as a murderer.
During dinner theater performances, the show’s creators often accomplish this easily because the actors often dine among the diners-- and the narrator will explicitly tell you that it wasn’t a one-armed man or random passing stranger who pulled the trigger, used the poison, or strangled the victim(s), but that one of the people in the room is guilty, guilty, guilty of putting one or more dead bodies into bodybags.
In fact, you and your partner might even be sitting beside the show's ‘murderer.'
Thrilling!
Chilling!
In traditional mystery dinner theater performances, the actors typically appear to be enjoying their meal along with everyone else.
But then, a broken glass, a faint, a scream, or a shout alerts you that the show has begun and you'll want to pay close attention to clues.
In other theater troupes, the actors circulate and say lines in front of the diners-- plus answer questions posed to them while audience members eat their dinner.
But watch out! Nothing says the actors/suspects have to answer your questions truthfully. You won’t have a polygraph machine to tell if they’re lying, but you can turn on your own bullshit detector. Everyone has one, and it’s right more often than not!
Today, the murder mystery dinner theater date has grown in popularity with venues all over the United States and around the world feeding people's love for delectable cuisine and crime detection in the same evening.
Although many dinner theater venues follow a traditional storyline, others might change up their theme or incorporate special features into the show.
Mystery dinner theaters also tend to change up their shows routinely to ensure that performances differ for guests who develop a taste for solving murder-- and want to come back again and again.
Although it may be possible to get tickets for a mystery dinner performance at the last minute, you don't want to risk missing out on the fun if the performance is booked. Make your weekend plans a month early, and weekday plans a week to two weeks earlier if you can.
Most venues offer tickets to mystery dinner events online. Just visit the dinner theater's website to purchase tickets and reserve your seats, view the menu, and note any special show details. If the next show is sold out, go ahead and book the one offered after that!
Most shows allow for casual attire, but if there's a special theme for the performance, you and your date may want to dress up to get yourselves into the mood of the event. Also, plan to arrive about 15 minutes before the start of the show so you have time to get comfortable, make your dinner order and get to know the room.
Riddle me this, Sherlock…
Is there any way to get better at solving a murder mystery show than doing it again and again and again?
Sure is! Part of the fun for your upcoming mystery dinner theater date is to get in the mood for the performance. You can stream a mystery like the 2019 release of Murder Mystery starring Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler-- and maybe do the sequel, too.
You may wanna go even more high-brow in your preparation. If so, we recommend the masterful film adaptation of Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express or the more recently released Death on the Nile that features Kenneth Branagh and Gal Gadot. Both are amazing.
You could also test your murder solving skills with expert TV detectives like David Suchet of Poirot fame or Chief Inspector Barnaby from Midsomer Murders.
Why not make a themed date night month out of the idea-- culminating in your in-person murder mystery dinner theater date?
In the weeks leading up to the main event, you could cozy up with your partner on the couch, pop some popcorn and stream or rent mystery TV shows like these to get you ready for your dinner mystery event:
If you really want to test your penchant for crime solving, do some nighttime reading or listen to some first-rate mystery audio books like these:
As you’re watching, reading or listening to other murder mystery media, there are two main skills you should be trying to practice:
1. Learn how to identify THE USUAL SUSPECTS and either confirm or eliminate these suspects from suspicion as the murderer
2. Watch out for the “plot twist” that makes untrue something you had previously thought to be true…or confirms as true something you had previously thought to be false.
--> Just don’t count on the answers they give you to be 100% truthful.
7. Female murderers are rare—they make up just 15 percent of serial killers in the real word—but not unheard of. We recommend that you don't discount guessing that the homicidal character is female if she seems like she might have been the murderer. In our experience, the theater and story directors don’t try to make the show mimic the real world so it's a 50% chance that the killer in the story is female).
8. The sketchy boyfriend often kills a pretty lady girlfriend in real life but in murder mysteries he's usually a red herring meant to confuse the audience into naming him as the prime suspect who did the deed (don't fall for the "evidence" that makes you think he's the murderer).You might want to solve the clues as individuals…or when the time comes to write down your guess for who did it, and why they had the means, the motive and the opportunity…you may decide you want to double down and both give the same answers you agree on.
Since the prize for getting the best answer is often a free future meal & performance, sometimes if you’re really sure of the answers it can pay to both give the exact same response. Other times, you may disagree and decide to each answer separately different answers.
And that can be fun, too (especially when one of you gets to say “I told you so!”.
The cause of death to dating in marriage is boring predictability.
This $50 to $200 USD date idea is all about how to enjoy an affordable, suspenseful evening with your date and heighten your romantic chemistry as you A) compete with each other to get the correct answers, or B) work side by side talking and laughing over the clues, and figuring out together ‘who done it.'
If you want to keep the jury's deliberations quiet-- so as not to give away your winning answer, the evening should include lots of whispering in your significant other's ear.
And well, there's something really enticing about touching lips to ears in a roomful of people who can't hear what you're saying and totally understand why you'd be having such an intimate conversation...in addition to keeping your murder suspect's identity secret-- as well as your reasons for his/her means, motive and opportunity for committing the crime you'll accuse him/her of at the end of the performance-- you could whisper anything in your husband or wife's ear and not be caught in serious flirting. Good thing there's a table between the two of you lovebirds!
As a long-time duo-- husband-and-wife gem detectives if you will-- we enjoy planning out-of-the-ordinary dates, and mystery dinner theater is among our favorite date night options
(Mr. Cubic Zirconia likes it so much that he actually was gifted by his wife a chance to act as a walk-on cast member in a performance of our favorite hometown murder mystery troupe; surprisingly, it wasn’t even that expensive).
Any last words?
Hmmm…
The next time you and your partner are in the mood for something to tantalize your brain as well as your taste buds, we invite you to attend a mystery dinner theater performance and don't just sit there and eat-- get detecting!
You might just solve the murder by dessert.
-- Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>If you’re gonna relax and watch a movie -- alone or with your future spouse-- why not pick one of these 33 movies curated by CubicZirconia.com and get a little wedding planning inspiration along with your vegetative entertainment?
Quality time together is especially important if either of you has snapped at each other recently. If it’s getting too hot in here, let’s lower the thermostat with a few silver screen laughs.
]]>And today?
His cousin put you both on blast on Facebook wanting to know why she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid.
Maybe you and your fiance could use a break from wedding planning chores for an evening or two! Netflix and chill? How about an evening with Hulu or Amazon Prime?
Choose your favorite streaming platform, pop some popcorn, and order out for pizza.
We've got a list of films with wedding planning elements here that will inspire you (or at least make you laugh).
Wedding stress is real-- as many couples who have walked down that aisle before can tell you-- but spending quality time together is the answer.
Enjoying a night with your feet up and laughs will help you both keep your perspective and remember to have fun even if the seamstress is taking her sweet time with that dress!
Wedding Stress
The Wedding Planner (Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey
The Wedding Ringer (Kevin Hart, Josh Gad)
License to Wed (Mandy Moore, John Krasinski, Robin Williams)
Wedding on a Budget
Ms. Matched (Alexa PenaVega, Shawn Roberts, Leah Gibson)
Betsy's Wedding (Alan Alda, Molly Ringwald, Joey Bishop)
The Week Of (Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Steve Buscemi)
Wedding Issues with Meddling Family
Father of the Bride (Diane Keaton, Steve Martin, Martin Short)
Jumping the Broom (Angela Bassett, Paula Patton, Laz Alonso)
Mamma Mia! (Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfriend, Pierce Brosnan)
Monster-in-Law (Jennifer Lopez, Michael Vartan, Jane Fonda)
Our Family Wedding (America Ferrera, Forest Whitaker, Carlos Mencia)
Classic Wedding Films
Waikiki Wedding (Bing Crosby, Martha Ray, Shirley Ross, Bob Burns)
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Jane Powell, Howard Keel, Jeff Richards)
Double Wedding (William Powell, Myrna Loy, Florence Rice)
Royal Wedding (Fred Astaire, Jane Powell, Peter Lawford)
Cultural Weddings
The Godfather (Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Nia Vardalos, John Corbett), Michael Constantine)
Bride and Prejudice (Martin Henderson, Aiswarya Rai Bachchan, Gurinder Chadha)
Polish Wedding (Claire Danes, Gabriel Byrne, Lena Olin)
Monsoon Wedding (Naseeruddin Shah, Lillete Dubey, Shefali Shah)
Unexpected Wedding Love
Four Weddings and Funeral (Hugh Grant, Andi MacDowell)
My Best Friend's Wedding (Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Cameron Diaz)
Destination Wedding (Keanu Reeves, Wynona Ryder)
Reception Fun
Table 19 (Anna Kendrick, Lisa Kudrow, Craig Robinson)
Wedding Crashers (Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Rachel McAdams)
Wedding Drama
After the Wedding (Mads Mikkelsen, Sidse Babett Knudsen, Rolf Lassgard)
Love Actually (Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Kiera Knightley)
Wedding Comedy
27 Dresses (Katherine Heigl, Jane Marsden, Malin Akerman)
16 Candles (Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Justin Henry)
The People We Hate at the Wedding (Allison Janney, Ben Platt, Kristen Bell)
Bride Wars (Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Candice Bergen)
Romantic comedy or Golden Age classic?
Doesn't matter which film you choose so long as you and your partner can relax and de-stress from your own pre-wedding dramas.
No matter how many snags occur as the two of you go about making the plan to bond your lives together forever-- even if his mother wears white and your father makes inappropriate jokes-- it all comes down to the two of you there on the couch with your shared popcorn bowl, making the very best of the ups and downs and taking in life together.
Forever and ever.
Amen.
]]>(It doesn’t increase customer prices, just decreases the amount of cash left over for the owners to split after paying all the costs to run the biz)
We’ve been especially active in and around our home area of Kentucky.
Today I wanted to tell you a bit about 3 of these Kentucky organizations and why we’ve supported them-- and hope you will consider doing so, too.
(It doesn’t increase customer prices, just decreases the amount of cash left over for the owners to split after paying all the costs to run the biz)
We’ve been especially active in and around our home area of Kentucky.
Today I wanted to tell you a bit about 3 of these Kentucky organizations and why we’ve supported them-- and hope you will consider doing so, too.
Looking to shop with a company that has a heart? CubicZirconia.com not only has a heart, we show it with routine gifting to organizations we care about, organizations in need. Each year, we give 4% of our gross profit to various charitable organizations that make a difference.
If you're purchased from us in the past, chances are, a portion of your payment helped support an organization or cause listed on our philanthropy webpage-- such as Habitat for Humanity, DonorsChoose.org, or Canine Companions for Independence.
Today we wanted to tell you a bit about 3 Kentucky organizations among the causes we’ve supported over the years. When you shop for dazzling diamond-quality 5A cubic zirconia jewelry with precious metals, you may be pleased to know that part of our profits will support organizations like these that make the world a better place.
Established as a nonprofit organization in 2003, the Louisville Leopard Percussionists provides musical experience and instruction to children around the Metro Louisville, Kentucky community.
Having been to a few of their rockin’ performances, and met some of the young kids that participated…we can say this: it ain’t just about the drums and xylophones.
The organization's mission is to enrich the community by providing children from diverse backgrounds with percussion instruction, performance experience, opportunities for improvisation, and more.
Louisville Leopards Percussionists serve kids in grades 2-10. Through music, the children benefit from practicing musical discipline, growing their self-confidence, learning to cooperate with others, and enjoying their creative pursuits.
And yeah, it’s pretty cool when famous musical celebrities praise them for doing kick-ass covers of their songs and tweet about the kids, too (VIDEO: 6+ million views of kids covering Led Zeppelin songs).
Providing music and performance experience to kids-- and the confidence that comes with it-- is a worthwhile cause to support, whether you’re in and around Kentucky or not. And who knows, maybe reading this will make you think of an org in your own community that needs your support broadening the minds of children. Music to our ears!
Royal Family Kids is a charitable organization that operates free summer camps for foster children. The children, who have been victims of abuse or neglect, are able to enjoy a fun summer vacation, making friends, participating in games, learning new crafts, and sharing a wide array of fun experiences.
We first learned about the org from the movie “Camp” my wife Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I watched on Netflix [IMDB link].
The movie shares the story of a child named Eli who attends a free-for-children summer camp for foster kids for one week. Eli has been badly abused, his father is locked up and his mother is dead and gone. And it’ll make you question humanity when you see the adult Eli is paired with as a camp counselor, Ken, is a jerk who really doesn’t want to be there. Ken is driven by a flashy car and climbing the career ladder at any cost. Teaching outdoor skills, developing confidence, learning to row a canoe…helping kids? ‘Pfft, that’s for suckers’ you could hear him saying (even as he shows up at the camp for an ulterior motive).
The two characters collide in a way that frankly not only caused me to cry but inspired me to make a promise then and there that I would do whatever it took to help Kentucky create a Royal Family Kids camp.
It took a year or more after calling the nice folks at RFK before my wife and I could come up with the money to write that first check to help found Royal Family Kids of Kentucky. Now there’s a chance for a Kentucky Eli-- and Ken, too-- to heal.
Is there something you’ve been inspired to do for others…but you haven’t yet had the money to do it? Decide you’ll do it anyway. Maybe the universe will provide you the wherewithal to do it (it worked for us).
The mission of Ronald McDonald House and Ronald McDonald House Charities is to give "families what they need most–each other."
The org provides ‘a home away from home' for families while their child is receiving medical care at area hospitals or other healthcare facilities. There are hundreds of these houses around the world-- where Mom, Dad, brother, sister and grandparents can have a room, bed, food, love and support-- inexpensively and super-close to the medical facility where their beloved family member is getting better.
When children are sick and need to travel for healthcare, RMHC is there to provide them with free housing so that they can focus on what matters most–and not worrying about the financial hardship associated with finding room and board during their visit.
We support the international organization and primarily the Ronald McDonald House of Kentuckiana (located in Louisville, Kentucky). Maybe you’ll find a RMHC location near you!
Maybe you’d like to pick what organization we give a gift to after your order?
Today’s your chance to do just that.
On the checkout page of www.CubicZirconia.com when you add a product to your online shopping cart and go to purchase, you will notice an "optional special instructions" or “add order note” box on the order form.
In this box, please type in the phrase “Make a purchase, make a gift" followed by whatever details you want to provide: a check payable to name, address, phone number, website or social profile link and name of the charity or cause you'd like us to support with a portion of our annual gross profits. Please give us at least one way to learn more about the organization that's important to you. This is one great way we'd love to hear about your suggestion in order to broaden our giving list.
If you aren't sure what organization you'd like to support with your / our dollars in our company's name, we recommend checking out GuideStar for all things non-profit.
Philanthropy is an important aspect of our business culture that we are proud to share with our customers.
For us, part of success means being able to share with a full and open heart to others.
We hope you, too, find the successes you seek
Shop with a heart,
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>Cooking can be a chore.
It can be a chore, too for couples cooking together…or it can be great quality time-- a cheap, easy, simple and relaxing couples’ hobby to reconnect after some time apart.
Cooking together regularly with my wife is one of my greatest pleasures.
With the right ingredients, cooking together is a recipe not just for tasty food but for a stronger relationship, too.
Here’s what Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I think are the ingredients to doing it right.
]]>My wife has always known her way around the kitchen.
Family legend has it that she watched cartoons on television and prepared breakfast for herself at age 3 (milk and microwaved coffee and mushrooms) while her parents still slept.
A not-to-be-disclosed number of decades later, she is a great cook who enjoys trying out new recipes and making delicious things happen with food.
So it would probably be totally understandable if she ended up marrying a man who let her do her thing with breakfast, lunch and dinner.
After all, even in the enlightened 2020s, a man who doesn’t want to be involved in kitchen duty still has plenty of historical, societal and familial cover for an at least semi-acceptable excuse that when it comes to the household division of labor “cooking is something women are supposed to do”.
But that’s not me.
Cooking together regularly with my wife is one of my greatest pleasures.
And even before we were married, it had already become one of my favorite ways to enjoy quality time with the future Mrs. Cubic Zirconia.
Over the years, we’ve cooked together in a score of houses.
Sometimes we’ve had a big, well-equipped kitchen where you’ve got every gadget and we know where everything is located (nice!).
Other times it’s someone else’s kitchen or one that isn’t really good.
We’ve even prepped hot meals for weeks at a time over a campfire, on an outdoor grill, in a kitchen so small you can barely turn around, or on a tiny hot plate.
Sometimes even an industrial kitchen (though we’ve not yet been able to try one of those blast freezers to instantly freeze desserts like they have in that Netflix baking show my wife likes to watch).
The variety of kitchen size and quality we’ve experienced makes me feel like the location of cooking doesn’t matter so much as some of the other “ingredients”.
You can make good food just about anywhere if you know how to make good food and have access to the right ingredients.
The kitchen location doesn’t matter much to having quality time when cooking together as a couple.
But if you get these other ingredients right, the experience can be magical and a great way to strengthen your relationship as a couple.
Get these non-food ingredients wrong, though…and you’re toast! Cooking together will just seem like a chore -- and who needs another one of those?
Can we do it every day?
(cook together I mean)
No.
Do we want to do it every day?
(cook together I mean)
No.
Two cups of him and her in the kitchen to make a ratatouille, roast, or ragout needn't be a nightly pursuit, but we think a committed couple that enjoys cooking together should try to make it a weekly thing at least.
We usually do it a few nights a week-- and like it enough that we do it on vacation, too, by prioritizing a rental of hotels, homes and apartments that come equipped for cooking and storing foods.
Sure, sometimes we eat out or order in.
And sometimes it's more convenient for one partner to get dinner to the table and the other to clean up after-- but when busy couples can spare some time to work together in the kitchen routinely, they can enjoy important quality time together (which also makes cooking chores a whole lot easier).
That’s why we make an effort to make cooking together a consistent thing we can both look forward to doing together.
Of course, like we discussed in our past blog post “Spending a little money for a housekeeper: easy way for couples to avoid stress, buy more time alone and time together”, it makes it even easier when you cook together and leave the dishes for the housekeeper to get tomorrow morning.
Once you commit to spending a couple evenings a week cooking together as a couple, you’ll wanna be sure to plan meals that you can both enjoy cooking together.
Grilled cheese and tomato soup might not afford you the quality time you want to spend together (because it's so easy for one person to make).
But when you choose meals that can benefit from two cooks instead of one, you’ll find that feeling beat and battered can give way to relaxed banter in just minutes of working side by side with your significant other to take a bunch of ingredients and together charm them into something that’s to-die-for .
Try multi-step meals.
With homemade pasta and meatballs, one partner makes the pasta and the other the meatballs.
With teriyaki fried rice, you can handle the rice and meat while he or she chops the veggies and gets them ready for the wok.
We’re not talking about a huge formal plan. Basically just make sure you'll have all the ingredients you need on hand for your couple's cooking nights.
We make a meals list some weeks in advance to help with grocery shopping and overall house organization… many people don’t plan more than a day ahead.
One cool idea we heard about but haven’t tried yet?
Include a cooking challenge like one of those Netflix shows.
I think they should do a show where couples try to cook a meal missing an important ingredient one of them was supposed to buy earlier.
I’d pay to watch that!
But seriously, maybe you cook something you've never made before but would love to try-- like Indonesian satay or Hungarian goulash.
If you have kids, you no doubt already know that it's hard to cook when you've got a toddler underfoot and/or a small child grabbing for your every brain cell.
Three’s a crowd in the kitchen. Too many cooks spoil the soup. Pick your metaphor.
By all means, cook with your kids. Teach ‘em to bake cookies, measure ingredients and be comfortable providing for themselves. But there’s a time and place for little chef training…and when a man and wife are trying to spend quality time together in the kitchen ain’t it in our opinion.
Think about hiring a neighbor or neighbor's teen to sit with your younger kids while you cook at least one night a week.
If this isn't convenient, maybe you can set your kids up with some pre-dinner activities that they can safely perform at the table alone (like coloring or a puzzle).
It's hard to focus on each other and meal prep while minding your kids, but you shouldn’t feel guilty about getting some screen help from Anna and Elsa, Buzz Lightyear, or the puppies from Paw Patrol to entertain the munchkin(s) on your behalf. After all, you can make up for it by spending quality family time together during the meal itself.
Best would be getting them outta the house, though, watched by a trusted neighbor. We've hired quite a few neighbors (and kids of neighbors) over the years.
Because if you’re a parent, you know this is true: face it, if they’re in the house, you aren’t focused on each other as a couple (and that’s the entire point of doing this together when we both know you could just couch potato call-it-in and push a few buttons on a smartphone to get dinner delivered).
You can even use what we call the “baby carrot” technique: don’t throw a fit, be good for your babysitter for the next hour and you can pick dessert after dinner. This is a time when the carrot truly works better than the stick.
There are a couple things you want to avoid on your couple's cooking nights.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Try to avoid bossiness or micromanaging-- even if you do dice herbs with more panache than he does.
It's not so fun when one partner plays top chef to the other's sous chef (you know, unless it’s part of an intentional fantasy one of you has to be verbally abused by a domineering head chef with whom he/she is nonetheless in love...in which case, shout away at the sous chef you little silver spoon spanker you).
Seriously, though. Keep it light and sweet.
The meat and potatoes of a couples cooking night is the experience being pleasant-- not the plate being perfect.
If an accident occurs and she knocks the casserole onto the floor -- or God forbid, his sizzling steaks should slide off the serving platter into the dog's water bowl (it could happen), take our advice and laugh it off.
That's what a rainy day fund is for, anyway.
Fixing your spouse’s mistakes.
Just pick up the phone and order pizza.
Be willing to forgive one another's mistakes; indulge each other with smiles, don’t censor or criticize, don’t bite his or her head off.
Anyone can improve their cooking skills, but why not do so together as a couple?
You could take a few cooking classes to spend more time together and enhance your skill sets.
If you're both already competent cooks, consider a baking class. A mixology class. Maybe even learn how to plate a meal and make it pretty. It’s really not that hard to make a rice mound-- and people love taking pictures if you do it right.
One surefire winner is a class demonstrating how to cook a cuisine you love but have never tried to replicate at home.
You could find a series of Cajun cooking classes, learn how to create imperfect-but-still-delicious sushi rolls, or concoct a mouthwatering tarte tatin under the direction of a local French chef (hopefully you have more luck reproducing the taste of restaurant Cajun food than we have).
Cooking classes are common in touristy areas, in our experience.
They can be harder to find at home. But they do exist. Check with area community colleges or cooking schools designed for actual chefs to learn the craft-- and you’ll likely find that at times these institutions offer cooking classes for mere mortals, too.
Cooking at home can be a terrific way to save money over ordering in or eating out.
You and your partner can have fun and be frugal, too: just use what you have and cook up delicious, creative meals that don't need fancy, expensive ingredients.
Consider the ingredients you already have on hand when planning your couple's cooking nights.
The same goes for special kitchen gadgets.
We all have that relative who has 3 lazy susans’ worth of unopened spice bottles they never use, a drawer of utensils still with store stickers, and 17 gadgets that all compete for space while getting covered in dust on an extremely-cluttered counter.
Honestly, you don't need a garlic press to cook with garlic.
A single spatula will do ya.
A pineapple corer slicer? 30 seconds to perfect pineapple rings and no wasted fruit. We love that thing. But if you don’t have the specialty cutting device, it’s still not super complicated to get pineapple rings.
And you don't need an air fryer to make french fries (though, it really does make healthier, restaurant-quality fries!).
In fact, when you keep your kitchen dates budget-friendly, you shouldn’t feel guilty about the occasional splurge just for you as a couple.
A dressed-up night on the town?
Letting someone else cook for you a week in a row?
An adults-only vacation?
Sounds good to us.
When you’re cooking and baking together as a couple, you’re basically making a big batch of quality time by combining 2 cups of time alone with 3 tablespoons of conversation, stirring in a teaspoon of saving money-- and season with flirting to taste.
Baking might require rigid instructions at times.
Cooking really doesn’t.
There isn’t a meal out there that couldn’t be improved-- if you have the courage to take what’s good and try to make it better.
My wife and I haven’t yet hit on the best recipe for cheesy white alfredo sauce, the most delicious way to stuff a poblano pepper with chicken, bacon and cheeses, or the perfect blend of baked sweet potato with broiled teriyaki pork chops-- but we’ve found a few dozen ways of making each dish that were all pretty damn good (and a few lemon bombs, too, we’ll admit).
Sometimes one of us will suggest a new addition to one of our old favorite meals. Maybe you wanna try an ingredient neither of you has ever tried before like saffron or roasted cumin powder? In our kitchen, the other partner almost invariably says “let’s go for it”-- even if they think the idea is kinda half-baked.
If we didn’t experiment, we’d never know that the world’s best beef-and-beans red sauce chili is served on top of -- but separately cooked from -- elbow macaroni noodles smothered in melted Kirkland American cheese from Costco.
What, you didn’t know that? (true story)
A dash of spontaneity is worth a pint of the same old, same old soup!
Don't be afraid to try new recipes together. And don’t be too embarrassed to tweak old favorite recipes with a small bit of something new.
These days, you can find step-by-step cooking recipes online. You can also visit your library and check out some cookbooks to find some recipes you'd both like to attempt. But don’t think of those things as set in stone.
Changing up your menu is a great way to improve your repertoire of meals and cultivate new skills.
Heat things up in the kitchen with your favorite getting-closer-to-my-lover music playing as you scoop, sift, strain, stir, sauté, simmer and sear.
Could be steamy classic rock love songs is your cuppa.
Maybe what Feels So Right are slow, country love ballad duets.
Or y’all get in the groove with R&B slow jamz.
Or even the guilty pleasure of 90s boybands even some men like (but won’t admit; just be sure to check the windows are closed or you can kiss your manly reputation with the neighbors bye, bye, bye)
On the other hand, if "Lick It Up" by Kiss, "Hot Dog" by Zep, or "Lost in the Supermarket" by The Clash gets you jammin’ while chopping veggies or stirring sauce, you can create any ‘audioscape' for your kitchen date that you like.
We won’t judge (much).
When you put on some music, dancing in the kitchen might not happen often-- but it only needs to happen a few times to become a memory of a marriage well-lived and much-loved.
In addition to music, you might want to try spicing up your cooking nights with whatever might be your favorite ambience booster as a couple.
Maybe it’s wine.
‘Why wait for the meal to open a bottle of wine?’, we say
Other popular icings on the cake might be candles, cannabis or cocktails.
We tried the candles thing. It felt cheesy, to be honest.
And cannabis isn’t our thing. Beer neither.
But alcohol in the form of wine or cocktails can be a nice relaxer to start winding the day down from dinner to date to dessert.
‘Let them eat cake’, you say?
Eat cake in bed, we say.
Don’t ruin all that good anticipatory preparation by scattering your attention away from the object of your affection.
Give your devices the silent treatment during dinner prep and meal times so you can keep the world at bay while you get back to being two peas in a pod, committed to enjoying each other's company without outside distractions.
Not burning my wife's biscuits–- this is my silly way of reminding myself to keep our kitchen couples cooking night conversations light and airy.
Don't tackle big issues in a hot kitchen.
CHILL.
When food is grilled, it gets held over a fire.
That sounds painful. You don’t want to grill him or her.
No tough questions or interrogation. Keep serious discussions that might result in hurt feelings, anger, rejection or irritation out of the kitchen.
The last thing you want is an association of this time with arguments or other negative experiences.
Serious discussions merit one-on-one focus, and it's challenging–-and not very fun–to talk about meaty subject matter over the sizzle of bacon or the crackling of frying chicken.
We wanna use our cooking time to have fun together-– not to dwell on the tough day at work or a problem with the inlaws.
Our advice: just talk about simple stuff while you prep the meal together
On those evenings you make an effort to cook together as a couple, why not make it a stay-at-home date night?
Your date doesn't have to end when you put down your forks.
Maybe you want to try creating dinner-and-a-movie nights complete with a theme.
You could try:
Life can get pretty hectic, which means couples have to be mindful about protecting their alone time.
Cooking together can add a touch more spice to your relationship.
Since you both have to eat, you might as well both do the cooking together!
And if you’re gonna do the cooking together, why not make an effort to make your time together special?
Don't yet have the habit to cook together and wanna start one? Why not gift him/her a grill for the next birthday or anniversary or special gifting occasion? Or a breadmaker? Or a kitchen apron (points for a funny one). You could choose a wok. Hell, even a spatula wrapped up in a gift box would work to start the conversation (and won't that be funny, since who doesn't already have a darn spatula).
The kitchen is just another place to inspire and be inspired by one another.
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I discovered long ago that mashing, mincing, and mixing is a fun and flirty way to make life taste better!
Hmm…now where did I put that delectable butternut squash recipe?
Mr. Cubic Zirconia
]]>You need shoes before you go out!
Don’t sit so close to the screen!
Eat your green beans!
Make sure to brush your teeth!
Watch where you’re putting your hand!
Shut the door so you don't heat the outdoors!
Button up your jacket!
(was it just us or as a kid, did a lot of that parental ‘advice’
seem like relentlessly telling us what to do?)
Of course, in spite of all the instruction parents offer their kids as they grow, most of that advice was more relevant to the present than the future.
That makes sense, since parents are trying first to keep kids alive, breathing, and physically unhurt. Parenting isn’t the easiest thing to do well, so we shouldn’t beat up on ol’ Mom and Dad for having blinders on at times when it comes to teaching today’s essential lesson and neglecting tomorrow’s need-to-know info.
And yeah, we’d agree that it’s universal and timeless advice to keep warm as a general rule, always protect your eyes, teeth, hands and feet, to save money as and when you can, and to eat healthy throughout your life…
But what about teaching kids valuable knowledge about things they won’t deal with so much until adulthood?
For example, what about marriage?
Let’s not blame our parents 1 too much, though (after all, their parents probably didn’t prepare them either)..
Yes, parents who are married to each other can and do model what a marriage relationship should look like for their children (good examples… and… bad examples).
And kids DO learn what marriage is supposed to be like from observation of marriage (good AND bad).
But did your parents teach and talk to you about marriage?
Or love alone?
Or just lust?
Did you learn about the birds and bees, plus hear all about love…but the “for better or worse” sacred institution of marriage got short shrift?
Our guess is not so much time was spent teaching you what to expect about marriage-- based on our own family experiences and those of friends with whom we’ve discussed these things.
It seems like parents don’t often explain the massive differences among this interrelated relationship trio of lust, love and marriage-- or prepare the next generation for the likelihood that the powerful grind of time and plenty of situations faced together as a couple can sometimes sand down your sanity and blur the proverbial thin line between love and hate.
After all, most parents aren’t gonna sit a young child down in her beanbag chair and explain how committed couples can claim to be happily married-- and be honest when they say that they love each other-- and yet still not wanna be in the same freaking room some days.
I mean, do you remember as a child a parent saying:
OR
OR
You, too, probably don’t have those memories of what men and women battling the stressors of living together, raising a family together, married and committed to each other might at times think to themselves when having a tough day in the relationship.
And if those things were said, it was probably a moment of pique-- and never was turned into a complete ‘lesson’ for that kid about what marriage can be like-- the good, the great, the bad and the ugly all put out equally on display and for discussion and learning.
That’s a real shame.
And as a couple, frankly, Mrs. and Mr. Cubic Zirconia are committed to our children learning that real life isn’t perfect, that marriage takes work, compromise and sacrifice…but that with the right person, it can be so worth it.
In our experience, most parents don't ‘talk real’ with their kids about marriage.
When you’ve been married and divorced three times and your best relationship advice is “please don’t hit your wife”...there’s something missing from that picture.
When you’ve raised a great kid together, living 30 years in the same house, but arranged life so you only had to spend fewer than 1000 hours per year awake in the same room together…do you not think that arrangement is worthy of discussion?
Unfortunately, whether they married or didn’t marry, divorced, grew closer together or managed to create a life as a couple despite falling out of love…many parents with marriage experience are surprisingly quiet as they wave their grown children off on their wedding days-- leaving them to find their own safe path through the confusing and sometimes treacherous minefield of married life.
IOHO, that’s like sending kids charging forward into combat, bursting with hormones and heads filled with fairy tale movie expectations about love, only to be knocked repeatedly on the head because Mom and Dad armed their kid for the battle that follows wedding bells with a water pistol and a plastic helmet.
No doubt there’s a newlywed or two-- or *GASP* some not-yet-married ladies and gentlemen-- who will blow up our DMs telling us how our characterization of marriage is BS and their marriage will be friggin’ fantastic, without flaw, frustration or fighting.
That’s fine.
We wrote today’s blog post for the newlyweds-- and those planning soon to be married-- who are firmly in the real world.
Not for the committed and happily married, yet admittedly long-suffering couples who haven’t killed each other, gotten divorced or gone insane because they already figured this shit out years ago.
And certainly not for the know-it-all 20-somethings who twitter all day, measure relationships in weeks, and can count on 1 hand the number of people they’ve “dated” who’ve:
Still reading?
Good.
Because we’re about to get real real with you and share a few secrets we think anyone oughtta know as he or she enters the sometimes de-militarized, sometimes quite-militarized zone known as the state of marriage.
(don’t blame them too much though; it’s unlikely your parents learned these things from their parents either. maybe they didn’t get married; maybe they never learned these lessons and thus marriage was a mistake for them; or maybe they were the minority of perfect married pairs who room-mate without occasional rage, raise a family without the occasional feud and fuck but never ever fight).
Plenty of parents teach their children how to cook a pot roast or to look both ways before crossing the street.
Yet they tend to avoid instruction on the sexual + cohabitation relationship essential we’ll call the ‘art of diplomacy'.
Sure, young couples might hear it said that marriage involves some give and take, but where's the instruction about HOW to negotiate?
Like, what’s up for negotiation? (answer: everything)
How do we compromise? (hint: together)
Where and how and how often should we talk about things? (clue: daily)
What decisions should be personal and which should we make together? (opinion: that’s up for negotiation with each couple)
Who should apologize first after an argument? (tip: you should-- because when you’re really in the wrong you’ll actually do it)
What do you do when you learn about what you’d have considered a dating deal breaker he/she presents only after marrying him or her? (answer: give… and then take)
Is it a good idea to give my spouse a “do it or divorce” ultimatum? (waffle: it depends)
And what to do when conflict breaks out to bring your spouse back to the kitchen table to talk things through for everyone to benefit? (advice: come bearing gifts, depending on his/her individual likes: lemonade, chocolate, cookies, wine, coffee-- slap down a tempting gift on that kitchen table of whatever is too tempting to see without him/her wanting some of it)
People who’ve never been married hear or read this stuff
and sometimes they think we’re making it up.
‘It can’t be that tough’, they think.
It IS that tough, buttercup.
Some conflict is inevitable in ANY close relationship between just about ANY 2 people with defined roles and who spend a lot of time rubbing against one another in close proximity: boss and worker, athlete and coach, parent and child, business partners, roommates, or two lovers.
You can’t ‘don’t worry, be happy’ all day and completely avoid all arguments within these relationships.
And for that reason marriage is at least one part war.
If you thought Cold War negotiations were rough, try a few years of marriage!
We would argue that marriage is pretty much the same thing as that 46 year indirect conflict between the United States and the Soviet Union.
There’s no open battle most days, weeks or months… but plenty of maneuvering for advantage, and a mutual fear that hostilities could break out at any given moment.
And unless you want your world to be destroyed forever, the efforts of both parties must be focused on maintaining a delicate balance where each side feels powerful, respected, understood, and safe.
Otherwise, mutual destruction in the atomic annihilation of divorce is inevitable.
Don’t believe us?
We wouldn’t have believed it either early on.
But we’ve been married ourselves through some crazy ups and downs.
And we’ve since spoken to too many couples married 20, 30, 40, 50 years to sugarcoat this for newly married couples:
MARRIAGE IS ONE PART WARFARE, ONE PART NEGOTIATION, and ONE PART VICTORY CELEBRATION THAT YOU SURVIVED THE BATTLES TO GROW HAPPIER TOGETHER.
Marriage is a war of affection.
A war of attention.
And a war of attrition.
And that marriage will not survive without negotiation.
Negotiating together is how you both get what you want and need short of the bloodshed of open warfare.
We call it “cooperative conflict”.
In the clash of ideas and opinions, in an environment of love and respect, a couple can decide what’s best for themselves…TOGETHER.
Yet many young married partners find it difficult to enter into negotiations without firing from an arsenal of verbal missiles and dropping demand bombs.
How could they not?
Their parents probably left them to learn this stuff on their own (if the parents ever knew this stuff to begin with).
Here’s the truth…
SImple as this: It's not fair for one partner to always have their way.
The elders who told us that ‘marriage is a give and take’ were right (just not very detailed what the hell that meant).
What do we believe is the kind of granular detail most parents don’t teach their kids about the ‘give and take’ in marriage marriage?
A happy and successful couple in 2023
There are a lot of great parents out there who model good marriage behavior for their kids…and Mom and Dad hope they “get it”.
Kids don’t always get it, though.
We think they need to hear about some of the conversations, conflicts and decisions that happen behind closed doors.
Not everything.
But enough to know that conflict in a marriage is NORMAL.
And HEALTHY.
And TO BE EXPECTED.
If more parents passed along that knowledge, there’d be more successful marriages in each successive generation-- instead of the frequent case of there actually being fewer.
If you have kids, we implore you to be real with them about the good, the bad and the ugly in marriage-- and how love and conflict can be opposite sides to the same coin (today’s thought for us as parents of young children: surely we can find an age-appropriate way to do that as our kids get older?).
Many parents are mute with children on the subject of sex.
It's a basic human function, but unfortunately in many families it’s much more taboo to talk about sex than hear all about bowel movements and their size, color and frequency (we’re especially talking to you, Great Aunt Louise).
Too often, young adults come of age with a lifetime of knowledge about poop and good bathroom hygiene habits… but these potty prodigies become sex-ready, sex-crazed teenagers who don’t know shit about their own sexuality.
And that’s a damn shame, considering pretty much every human being on the planet was created through this process our parents don’t talk much about.
The result is generations of kids that have to learn as they go-- often learning from less-than-positive, less-than-accurate sources about sex-- getting all the fun “facts” of a friendly frick frack from television shows, magazines, older cousins, siblings and friends first experiencing their own fledgling sexual episodes...and of course the woefully inadequate sex education classes you probably remember from school.
That was scary when there were three channels on television and certain magazines had to be purchased by someone showing an adult identification card.
We don’t know about the other parents out there, but the idea of our daughters learning about sex primarily from typing stuff into the yawning chasm of the infinite internet is distressing to say the least.
While parents often offer the obligatory “this is where babies come from” conversation with their kids, our conversations with friends about their own experiences growing up seem to indicate that our parents mostly stopped well short of explaining the real dynamics of sex to their offspring.
Mom or Dad might have things to say about sex without marriage.
But not so much to say about marriage without sex.
Yet in our opinion both can be equally risky to health and happiness.
The truth your parents probably didn’t tell you, either?
Most married couples will experience ups and downs in the bedroom.
Expect hot, sexy streaks and dry spells with little to no mating magic.
You won’t always want, need or desire the same things from your sex life as your marriage partner.
Quantity squabbles may occur and your mount-me mileage may vary.
Is once per month enough?
Once per week?
Once per day?
A lover may find a particular sexual act enjoyable that the other does not.
She might want a nooner, while it only feels natural at the end of the day for him.
Lights on?
Lights off?
Only slow and passionate on the marriage bed…
or should we try a quickie on the kitchen table?
Speaking of what’s on the table…does wake-up sex light our couple’s candle?
Wax on? Wax off?
Is that intimate-area piercing I’m thinking about a mutual decision or mine alone?
To porn or not to porn?
Whack off alone? Or Jill off with Jack?
Do you want sex toys with that?
Once you get beyond sex solely for the procreation of your species, there’s a lot of variety spicing up some people’s sex lives.
What might taste good to you?
What wouldn’t be your first choice, but it’ll be fun to try?
What might make you gag?
What are you gonna do but it’s gotta be understood it’s a rare treat for him or her?
Without those compromise, negotiation and diplomacy skills we mentioned above, marriage partners can find it tricky and fraught with stress to even discuss their bedroom etiquette.
What can young couples do?
Don't wait until you're already naked and in bed to put a proposal out there involving a riding crop and handcuffs (disappointment is much easier to discuss dispassionately when you’re not, you know, in the throes of passion).
And if you're having difficulties, talk and commit to working through them together.
Most parents who managed to be married for long enough to have and raise kids together could probably tell us these things.
Why don’t they?
Probably because the adults in their family didn’t tell them these things either.
We don’t personally know anyone whose parents talked about what a clitoris is and how to effectively stimulate that lil’ flesh flap.
Or mutual masturbation, vaginal dryness, or for that matter that kinky Cold War themed cosplay fantasy where he dresses up as the American spy and she’s the devious, blonde, Soviet bombshell whose mission is to suck out all his state secrets.
Did your parents talk with you about that stuff?
As parents, we aren’t really sure yet how far we’ll go with our own kids-- but there’s a growing body of knowledge and research that suggests parents whom are open with their kids about sex help their children make better decisions around the traditionally taboo topic:
When we talk with each other about how we’ll introduce our kids to the twin topics of conflict and sex in marriage, we aren’t yet sure how we’ll do it. There’s got to be age-appropriate ways to do it. And we’re determined as parents to do a better job on these learning opportunities than our parents did.
When you consider those above-listed benefits to an open and frank discussion about sex with kids, though, isn’t it worth a little embarrassment talking about ménage à moi with your mom and/or your dad?
Or was just reading that sentence where we deliberately placed the words “with kids” and “ménage” + “with your mom” so triggering to ya that it’s just better to let the next generation keep fucking up their lives with bad choices around sex rather than talk about what makes us uncomfortable…yet is nonetheless important…like, you know…fucking?
As a newlywed couple peruses their wedding advice cards, they’re bound to read one that says not much more than "life is a journey."
It’s a pretty boring platitude for the advice one married person would give another coming into that most mystifying of relationships for the first time.
I mean, aren’t you supposed to be the expert after decades of being a wife or husband? My husband would never content himself with 4 words. I think he cramped his writing hand for a week when writing marriage advice for hours to his younger sister on the day before her wedding.
But for pithy 4-word advice to newlyweds, we couldn’t agree more with anything than that “life is a journey”-- except maybe to go into marriage knowing the indisputable truth that no matter what…
“She is always right” 2
Yes, life is a journey.
And married couples must make that journey together.
I mean, Mr. Cubic Zirconia was supposed to be on the same page here with Mrs. Cubic Zirconia while writing this dual-author article.
He was off wandering the neighborhood and look-- now thousands of people are reading “his” advice that marriage boils down to simply admitting:
“SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT” 2.
LOL, I kill myself.
The things we do to make one another laugh!
Is this normal in marriage?
Honestly, I don’t know.
I suspect that most couples don’t have their flirting, inside jokes and good-hearted his-and-her ribbing played out in front of thousands of strangers on the internet like my husband and I sometimes do in our blog posts and email newsletters.
But yeah, the principle of showing love by giving each other a bit of shit oughtta be “normal” (in my admittedly opinionated opinion).
Sometimes humor is the fastest way to thaw the coldest days of the Cold War that is marriage-- when you’re mad at each other and not talking the way you should be.
But seriously…
I will say this: humor has been our map, our guide and our compass many times when we seemed a bit lost in our marriage.
If you can make each other laugh every day, wherever your journey ends up…I bet you’ll be getting there together.
It’s just that people like me who love to have a map and a planned destination chosen from all the possible locations on that map all rolled into one big road trip plan sometimes marry people who would prefer to just get in the car and wander along aimlessly on a journey of friggin’ discovery until he (or she? could it be?) finds something that makes him (or her? As it were) say “ooohh, look at that! Let’s stop and spend the day here and maybe stay the night, too!” (even if it’s obvious to anyone who thinks that there’s probably not a clean bathroom anywhere near, much less a clean bed).
That was a metaphor, sure, but it was real talk too.
Part of the journey in a marriage together is likely to include learning some things you don’t really enjoy or like about your spouse.
For example, I’m telling you that before we got together, my husband used to travel like a 5-year old with a credit card.
These days, there’s still frequent stops, candy, singing in the car, the occasional pouting and lots of unnecessary purchases…but at least I broke him of the habit, by God, of fueling up the car and packing for a 3-day road trip and I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT STATE WE’RE GOING TO END UP IN. THE STATE OF INSANITY?
Your marriage mileage WILL vary.
Whatever it is, change can be your friend on this journey.
Like the friendly tow truck when it helps you get back on your journey after a breakdown of the family car during a highway drive.
Or change can be your enemy on the same journey.
Like the dastardly tow truck when it hauls your SUV away and leaves your family stranded because the person driving your family car-- who shall remain unnamed-- was too focused on fun to put change in the parking meter.
Not that I’m speaking from experience, at all. :)
As you go along on this journey of marriage together, some miles will be better than others. Better feelings. Better sights. Better tastes. Better sounds and smells, too.
This year's open road may or may not look similar to next year's cul-de-sac.
Smooth sailing on the highway of life today and floundering in the gosh-darn mud tomorrow.
Get used to it.
Marriage is a microcosm for life and not everything is gonna go one person’s way (much less two persons’ ways simultaneously).
And if you’re not moving in sync, in the same direction and at the same speed, marriage partners are going to end up at different destinations.
Everything about life can change, and it’s good to expect that it WILL change.
Marriage is no exception.
Sometimes the hardest part is to accept that lots of the changes-- good or bad-- may have little to do with the love and lust that brought two people together to promise a lifetime of oneness in the first place.
Having kids: that definitely changes your marriage. You may or may not choose that. Whether it was intentional and desirable or an unexpected bundle of joy girl or boy…another human being just came between the two of you, and that has ramifications in every area of your life and marriage.
What other scary changes might permanently change the course of a marriage?
These and others could all be circumstances that take your marriage, blindfold it, spin you like a top and where she stops nobody knows.
Of course, not all change is bad and we don’t want to imply that it is!
Yes it’s true that some changes lead to great rifts between partners so big, that it’s like you’re on one side of the Grand Canyon looking at the other side and feel like you’re so close…until a helpful park ranger explains that it is a 19 hour drive to get to that spot over there your husband says he has just “got to see, honey, let’s go…please?”
But on the other hand, some changes bring partners closer.
Your parents may not have told you that even the love you feel for your partner may undergo ups and downs. You may find that you despise your partner one day but can't imagine loving anyone else more the next.
Dealing with change is something that couples have to navigate.
It's not easy to relocate for a spouse's job, to deal with a family illness, or contend with financial roller coasters. There’s stress and conflict and open wounds all over the place. But it can help to reflect on changes together so that you can help one another manage the fears and other emotions that often accompany major changes.
Even trying to go the same speed and get to the same place you’ve decided before that you both want to go, moving along in your journey guided by a map, having double-checked to ask for directions, and triple-checked using a gosh-darn satellite with real-time GPS coordinate tracking…you can still get lost.
Getting the journey of your marriage back on track will be an act of will, of skill, of compassion…and yes, of negotiation too.
Sprinkle it all with some good backseat sex and we think you’ll be getting where you wanna go just fine.
In conclusion, let us just say this (in all seriousness)….
Parents have lots of answers, but perhaps not all the answers.
Maybe they withhold this type of information because they know that each marriage is different. Whether your parents had a good marriage, bad marriage, or even no marriage, their story is not your story.
As a newlywed, and on into decades of marriage, you have to write your own story.
We’ve written ours.
We’re still writing ours every day.
Good luck writing your own story together!
Wishing you love and light and plenty of lube,
Mrs. and Mr. Cubic Zirconia
1 Besides, maybe you were raised by a non-parent, family or friend. Maybe your parents didn’t get married. Maybe the man and woman responsible for bringing you into the world never learned these lessons and thus marriage was a mistake for them. Or who knows, maybe you were sired by the minority of perfect married pairs who room-mate without occasional rage, raise a family without the occasional feud and fuck but never, ever fight
2 This sentence was placed by one of us while the other was indisposed. You can guess which one of the two authors of this article snuck in that little gem, right?]]>But if you’re currently building a house, this article could give you some tips.
° ˛ ° ˚* _Π_____*☽*˚ ˛
✩ ˚˛˚*/______/__\。✩˚ ˚˛
˚ ˛˚˛˚| 田田|門| ˚ ˚
´´ ̛ ̛ ´´ ´´ ´´ ̛ ̛ ´´ ´´ ´´ ̛ ̛ ´´ ´´
More importantly, though…
If you’re married, this article could help strengthen the relationship: because building a house is similar in many ways to building a marriage.
Historically, people don’t typically don’t buy a house delivered fully assembled and with all the parts.
People talk about a “successful blueprint for marriage”, but it’s important to remember that marriages aren't pre-manufactured. You also won’t be able to buy a successful marriage fully assembled and with all the parts, either.
Building a successful marriage requires two people who are committed to working together over time and despite challenges, personality conflicts, disagreements and all sorts of petty annoyances.
It takes two committed individuals choosing to go it together, who build a foundation of shared goals and values, and who are willing to compromise in the pursuit of mutual happiness– compromising on more than just which paint colors to choose and whether we want hardwood floors or carpeting.
To some degree, every big choice made in a great marriage ought to be a compromise.
And when you set out to build a house, there’s plenty of room for practicing your compromiser skillz (especially if you need to build within a certain budget or hope to complete certain fix-it projects within a specified time period).
All sorts of choices. Plus tough timeline worries.
And budget considerations.
Yet if you’re married AND building a house together with your significant other... God help you ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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(cuz I’m not sure we can eliminate that kind of Boss-level stress…even though we’ll try with our couples’ marriage-and-house-building tips below).⠀⠀
Whether you’re getting ready to deal with some serious stress and one of the most difficult in-tandem things a couple can do (building a house together)-- or simply reading today’s post to see in which ways building a marriage is like building a house according to the self-professed swami that is Mr. Cubic Zirconia– we’re here to help.
And if it’s the former reason that brought you here to fill your toolbelt, take a deep breath and realize that building a home together– while it may be super stressful– can also be one of the most fun couple’s activities in a lifetime of life, love and laughter.
That’s because building a marriage can be like building a house that's perfectly tailored to your most crucial needs and individual desires.
Let's explore how building a marriage is like building a house, step by step.
A good marriage, like a well-founded house, needs a strong foundation.
The beauty of putting a marriage ahead of everything else in a couple’s life is that it's a foundation for not one life but two lives– a strong foundation you can build a shared life upon. It’s the place to start.
Welcome to step one.
A foundation isn’t created with theory or airy-fairy ideas.
It’s built literally from the ground up.
This isn't something that will get done without rolling up your sleeves for the hard work. The shovel may have been a ground-breaking invention thousands of years ago, but you won't get any credit for having just the idea today to build that house for your family ‘someday’.
It's gonna take sweat and hard work before you can lay your foundation: dig, dig, damn...digging some more.
Dig, dig, dig with questions. You gotta know each other and what you both want if you’re gonna build a life together.
What's a good marital foundation?
Love makes a pretty durable foundation by itself, but love is an even more stable foundation when it's enhanced by mutual attraction, respect for your partner and trust for each other.
Perhaps one of the first shared goals will be to buy that plot of land together where one day you as a couple will lay the foundation and build that dream home?
Marriage is meant to last a lifetime (knock on wood).
And while this article is relating the building of a marriage to the building of a home…a house might at some point be considered “done”, but a great marriage will never be finished being built.
Accept the truth of this NOW if you want an exceptional married life together with your significant other: your relationship will always be “under construction”.
Yet there’s far more to a marriage than one day.
In our experience, the more emphasis couples place on wedding planning by making it about the one day when they exchange vows…the greater the stress level during the days, weeks and months leading up to that one day.
No wedding is ever perfect, just as no marriage is going to be perfect.
And that exciting day of “groundbreaking” will likely be a number of weeks, months or even years in the past once the home you’re building is supposedly “complete” (depending on your budget and other factors).
The time of engagement is special, and you should treat it as such. It’s not a race to finish being engaged. Whenever a couple disagrees in the wedding planning process, we advise that they do so respectfully. Take time to listen. Be affectionate regularly. Apologize more quickly than you might any other time, especially if you are the partner who cares less about the details of the wedding than the other.
All of those experiences will transfer over into building a life together as a couple AFTER the successful wedding day.
If that advice resonates with you, it probably won’t surprise you that we would advise the exact same things for a couple building a house together.
Sure, you want to choose a timeline during which everything will be “done” but the groundbreaking is step one…and afterwards, you just keep completing the steps.
Building a house should be fun!
But budgeting isn’t really the fun part of it.
One thing to keep in mind: even the wealthiest people in the world suffer wedding envy when they try to out-spend others in creating the perfect wedding, and yet they fall short every time. Same goes for house envy.
And don't even get us started on deck size envy. Arguments about deck size behind the house a couple I know was building ended at least one marriage that I know of. Crazy but true. Don’t be caught in that trap because yours will never measure up!
Instead, wedding planners would be well-served to place their focus on the marriage-to-come and not the wedding alone.
Because trust me, in the end you will be much happier and more fulfilled if the people around you envy the love, trust, and affection you and your loved one share in your marriage than if you have the ‘perfect’ wedding only to see friends and family shaking their heads 2 years later when you separate– saying ‘if only they hadn’t fought so much about the cost for the dinner and color for the wedding invitations’.In the same way it’s just not smart to go into debt for a one-day wedding you can’t afford, we’ve also got to be realistic about costs going into building a home.
I think the key is to not think so much about putting money into what looks good or worry over what people will think when they see the house.
Instead, try to think about all the many years you’ll live in the home, with whom, and what types of activities you envision yourself doing.
Picking your materials during building a house is important, especially in the kitchen. Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.
Did you think that was funny? Congratulations, you have a good sense of humor and would probably do well in a marriage with one of our CubicZirconia.com shop team, where we believe that if it’s not fun it’s not worth doing.
Did you think our pun was no fun? That’s concrete evidence we’d probably end up with a staple gun shot to the foot and a ton of bricks dropped on our heads (if you married us).
Curb appeal, dear reader, is not the same as getting kicked to the curb.
Sense of humor is one of the many materials that make up a person.
And when those materials delight another person, that’s a good way to build a relationship. When those materials annoy another person…that’s a good way to end up in the doghouse!
Cherry or oak wood cabinets?
Paint vs. wallpaper.
Hardwood floors or carpeting?
Tile vs. linoleum.
Stand-up shower or bathtub?
His and hers vs. shared bathroom sinks.
Best appliances or cheapest that work?
To fireplace or not to fireplace…
Flathead vs. Phillips.
Brick or vinyl siding?
And those can all be tough decisions– except for bricks.
That joke too lowbrow for you?
Beyond the brick…what about the rest of those choices for materials?
But each material decision requires discussion and compromise when a couple builds a house together. Before you break ground, there’s plenty of elbow room to figure out if you want a reading room or a breakfast nook, hardwood or carpet, a man cave or a wraparound porch.
If a couple is building together, you hammer this stuff out together in talk long before you pick up that first nail– otherwise you’ve got a screw or two loose (in our humble opinion), because once the walls go up a lot of the things you “wish you had done” will cost a LOT more money to do it later in a future renovation.
And if you’re building a life together through marriage, it’s smart to know what materials make up your intended partner long before you walk down that aisle.
Is he or she strong where you’re weak? Do your abilities complement each other? What do you admire about him or her? Can you live with those things in your partner that annoy you a bit while dating? Show ‘em what you’re made of!
All homes have essential systems-– water, plumbing, heating and air conditioning, electrical, locks and security for controlling entrance and exit.
These are the systems and processes that make a house function.
Your marriage will involve multiple systems too.
The way you communicate with each other, the way you manage your finances, the methods with which you raise any children you may have, how you make plans and schedule things together, controlling who is welcome (and how much!) in your family’s life and home... these 'systems' develop over time.
How will you set these systems up in a way that’s fair to both of you?
How will you ensure that they work in a way that enhances and doesn't detract from your marriage?
These are ways of living together that don't come in a kit. However, they are systems that you can build and manage together– if you have the right instructions.
But truth to tell, the instructions aren’t always going to make sense.
I used to buy and sell houses for a living. And I can tell you, there’s all sorts of mistakes when it comes to DIY home-building. Even contractors that build a bunch of houses per year aren’t beyond dumb mistakes like putting the “HOT” water in the shower behind the “COLD” knob, or installing a kitchen cabinet over top where the room’s second electrical outlet was supposed to be.
Even when the instructions are correct, you still may not get the picture perfect house (or marriage). That’s one reason we have to seek advice from those who know what they’re doing and be careful that what we do reflects what we believe.
And still, you’ve gotta accept that sometimes you have to put something together over and over again.
He asks her to get him the hammer but she accidentally gives him the drill.
He could have nailed it, but somehow she screwed it up.
She tried to use a studfinder, but somehow ended up married to a Dad Bod.
Once you’ve got the materials sorted out, and good plans for the major systems, building a house becomes a matter of putting in the work.
Budget and timeline planned. Solid foundation, done. Materials bought and prepped. Major systems- check. Division of labor completed. Grab the champagne, because it’s time to party and raise the roof…right?
Yes and no. Every house needs a roof to protect the structure and everything within the home. Ask any long-time family breadwinner if you don’t know, but keeping a roof over the heads of people you love is a serious matter.
Our house is coming together. But this isn’t the time yet to celebrate. Put that celebratory drink down for just a moment and join me over here on the scaffold.
I wanna whisper some wisdom in your weary ears.
Shit’s gonna happen, friend.
We’ve gotta accept that life comes with challenges.
Rain. Sleet. Snow. Lightning. Hail Mary full of grace, let me win this weather race.
So the sooner a couple building together can get this roof up over your new-construction house, the better off you’re gonna be.
One of the tough parts about marriage is that you’ve got to keep protecting yourself and your partner from the same things…over and over again.
Oh, it snowed again in November? Yeah, and it’s gonna rain again in April.
Yet one of the beautiful things about marriage is that you agree to weather life's challenges together. So when those challenges come– whether it’s relocation, illness, addictions, in-law issues, parenting, money problems or whatever storm tries to overshadow your mutual marital bliss… you as a couple CAN weather that storm with the right roof atop the home of your marriage.
If love, trust and respect are the foundation, and shared goals the cement and bricks, MUTUAL COMMITMENT is the protective roof atop the house and the life you’re building together in a marriage.
Good or bad, better or worse…marriage is a promise from wedding to hearse.
Believe that, and agree to live by it and you have to have a roof that protects your love even as you face hardships in all their various forms.
Ignore the roof security of mutual commitment and today’s society will only too happily help you justify it being “normal” to give up, quit, and divorce when the tornado comes blowing into your relationship without warning.
Be careful, because here you can spend a lot of money. Just like two cars can both get you from point A to point B, but one costs $2,000 USD and the other $200,000-- there’s a wide range of expected expenses you might encounter when outfitting the new home you’re building.
For some couples, they’re gonna want the best of everything. Out with the old, in with the new. Hey, that’s cool. It’s your money and you oughtta spend it on things that bring you joy.
If that’s a sub-zero walk-in fridge, high-end baking equipment, steaming whirlpool jacuzzi for 10 of your closest friends, then go for it! Do you get excited by a ten-thousand dollar massage chair, super luxe garage tailgating complete with custom sports-mascot grill, or a solid-block cherry-wood replica of the Resolute Desk for your office? We won’t judge how you wanna outfit your space.
Frankly, though, from conversations with many of our customers over the years, I do think many couples in the CubicZirconia.com cosmos think like my wife and I do with regards to “things” in the house. Even our most affluent customers seem a bit frugal in this way.
We have a saying in our home: “Everything has a place and everything in its place”. Not gonna lie. In today’s hectic world-- especially after the chaos that can be young kids-- this is easier said than done. I’m not ashamed to say that Mrs. Cubic Zirconia and I really only manage great home organization because we decided to hire out cleaning and organizing to a housekeeper (aka the easy way for couples to avoid stress and buy more time alone and time together).
This “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude is kind of the knothole through which we view furniture and appliances in our own homes.
If the regular desk does 90% of what we need, we don’t buy a fancy desk with more bells and whistles. We might like the idea of a pizza oven, but with nowhere really to put it we don’t buy it. The leather couch set that wipes down easily and the dual recliners still work even though there’s some light cracking on the sides? It’ll do for now. We can stick a second freezer just for meat in the garage; no need for expensive kitchen renovations and installing a walk-in freezer one hundred steps closer to the kitchen.
Again, YMMV (your mileage may vary). But for us in our marriage, in building a house and making a home for our family, there are far more important things to spend money on than a bunch of new, fancy stuff to put inside it.
Yeah. My advice here? Just let her do it.
Sure, someone is gonna read this and comment below that what I’ve just said is sexist, generalist piggishness from a chauvinist male jerk.
That’s ok. I’ll oink if you want me to oink, but my own wife doesn’t agree I’m being any of those things (this time), and I’ll give you one guess for why that might be.
The point is that one of the two of you cares MUCH more about decorations than the other. I’m saying let that partner pick what he/she wants and stay out of his or her way on these decisions. You’ll both be happier if the one who doesn’t care (e.g. me) lets the one who does (e.g. her) choose all this stuff.
At the very least, don’t let something as trivial as paint colors, cabinet designs, or deck size envy cause relationship stress.
Building that house together as a couple? Just promise me this: if things get heated, don't try to shoot each other with grout sealant, ok?
Caulk fighting is illegal.
Remember that no matter what size house you build, you have to maintain it!
Don't take for granted that your HVAC system will never quit on you.
That trendy paint color you had to have last year; it might grate on your nerves next week.
Always be in tune with your marriage's needs.
Understand your needs as well as your partner's and confront them with care and attention. The investment in time you put in now will help you create a marriage that feels like home to you both.
Guess what else?!
It's a lot less expensive to build a great marriage than to build a house.
Even if you're starting out in an apartment or renting a house, you can focus on building a marriage that will shelter your love for years to come.
Here’s to nailing it,
Mr. Cubic Zirconia
P.S. I started this blog by telling you to come back later if you wanted to hear a joke about construction…since I was still “working on it”.
So here goes:
Why did it take so long for the construction worker to buy an engagement ring and propose to get married?
He was building up to it.
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However, these 9 BIG argument issues are best dealt with early, often and with small stakes in a relationship-- or they can blow up from small disagreements into a fight so big it’s the impetus to damage a marriage forever…and even bring an end to something meant to last a lifetime. Here's how we think you can avoid that.
Sometimes fights are even helpful if they allow partners to clear the air and arrive at solutions to problems.
Or when the cute stubbornness she displays when they argue is simply too adorable for him to stay mad for long.
If not handled properly, however, small disagreements in a marriage can turn into BIG full-blown fights-- leaving both partners feeling angry, sad, and confused (or even contemplating a divorce).
It’s especially dangerous for relationship health when a couple’s argument descends into personal verbal attacks-- which, if habitual, can even quickly bring an end to a marriage meant to last a lifetime.
These are the kind of fights couples have that they wish they could go back in time and take back — the ones that cause irreparable damage in the marriage.
Here, we'll explore nine (9) common arguments on BIG topics that couples CAN have but that we'd probably all like to avoid becoming marriage-ending issues in our romantic relationships.
The good news: the big knock-down-drag-out, marriage-ending fights can be mostly avoidable-- as long as you stay on top of known issues and talk about these big important topics in small ways, over time…and begin when the stakes are much lower than divorce-tempting ultimatums.
Many couples have joint bank accounts and tend to pool most of their funds.
That requires some planning and budgeting one partner may be more prepared for and good at than the other.
When one partner decides to take substantial funds from the shared account to spend it on something not previously discussed with-- much less approved by-- the other partner, it can lead to a serious argument.
That argument can escalate when the purchase is for something one partner considers frivolous (maybe a new game system, expensive gear for an individual hobby, spontaneous trip with girlfriends, electric guitar and amp “to get the band back together”, expensive concert or sporting event tickets, etc).
And shit can get really sticky when the money was spent on something one partner tried to lie about to the other and got caught: something frivolous or even potentially much worse like gambling, a sexual affair, supporting a family member’s drug problem, or covering up a lost job.
Unfortunately, the habit of spending shared money outside the limits of what a couple has agreed upon beforehand, without the consent of your partner-- especially when you have other plans for what to do with your funds-- can erode trust and breed resentment.
It’s absolutely a form of marital infidelity. How can you avoid this fight in your marriage? Simple. Don't commit money infidelity within the rules of your marriage partnership! And don't tolerate a partner who does it, either.
Forgiveness here definitely is in the eyes and mind of the “cheated on” spouse, though frankly to us the factor that changes the whole equation is whether any lying took place to try to hide the transactions.
These 3 things can help set the foundation for money trust in marriages with joint bank accounts:
With personal funds in your own account, you can save to purchase whatever you like, which is fair enough even if your partner thinks Taylor Swift tickets are frivolous and the price you paid is ludicrous.
And when a joint bank account has a limited set of items you know are previously approved for purchase-- and a threshold amount above which both partners know they must agree to spend that amount-- it takes much of the temptation away to try to “sneak” in a purchase that you don’t think your partner would approve of.
We've got money down for two categories because it's a broad topic and is frequently the source of trouble for couples. Especially when money is tight, how a couple manages its money can be extremely important and a source of mucho frustration when one partner doesn’t feel understood.
We recommend having frequent and frank money discussions with your partner because often, money mismanagement occurs when couples aren't on the same page about their financial future.
For example, it can lead to lots of tension if one partner is thrifty and another tends to overspend or has a different concept of what savings should look like.
We wrote about that exact topic in our article “9 money-saving tips (a saver ant marries a spender grasshopper)”.
TLDR Summary: Ants are thrifty and efficient, work hard and save, exercise plenty, look to the future and manage to get everything they can out of everything they’ve got. Grasshoppers prioritize rest, play and partying, and tend to spend more than they earn (eat more than they harvest). It could be because they’re lazier and more wasteful than ants, though in a judgment-free zone we’d just say they prefer to enjoy today without worries about tomorrow. This article discusses how a marriage between the two can survive and thrive.
One of the pleasures of being in a committed marriage is often being able to enjoy sex on a consistent basis-- though maybe the couple won’t be getting freaky as regularly as one or more partners would like.
Sometimes partners can be off when it comes to their sex drive. One partner may be in the mood while another just isn't feeling it. One partner may not enjoy some aspect of sex that his or her partner does. The stress of life may trigger one partner to crave physical intimacy while the other simply cannot enjoy sex while stressed.
All these things are common couples’ issues surrounding sex. And all of them are common even among happy couples. However, you should know that these issues also lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, insecurity, and arguments that can become “hill to die on” fights that end marriages if not addressed regularly in lower-stakes conversations over time as the couple creates their life together.
To alleviate some of the tension associated with physical intimacy disagreements, it's a good idea to talk about it–- and agree to keep talking about it. Talk about the topic with calm and even some humor if you can. Let’s recognize that it's normal to experience ups and downs in bed, but commit to working through our issues to arrive at a place of mutual pleasure, satisfaction, comfort and feeling validated and understood.
And for the love of all that’s holy, do NOT say anything critical of your partner during or immediately after lovemaking!
Fights about who does the dishes, laundry, or is supposed to walk the dog can occur with ferocious regularity if you don't commit to a plan to divide up household chores.
If you both work outside of the home-- or even if one partner spends most of his or her time at home without formal employment-- it's crucial to divvy up the chores in a way that is fair, sustainable and recognizes each partner’s available time, skills, and weaknesses.
To be clear: one partner should NOT EVER have to perform ALL the household workload. To be even more clear: if you get divorced because of how he or she loads the dishwasher “wrong”, we think you are just plum dumb.
How to avoid the fight?
Two possible solutions come to mind:
1. Rotating weekly chores list
Lists might not be very sexy, but they work.
Each week, you can devise a list and assign chores you know need to be done to each partner on a rotating basis. That way, no one is left taking out the trash over and over again. By taking turns and ensuring that the workload is fairly split, you can avoid this fight while ensuring that your household chores are completed on time.
2. Just do what Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia do and hire someone to do it all.
Read our recent article for the financial and emotional “case for couples to hire a housekeeper”: Spending a little money for a housekeeper: easy way for couples to avoid stress, buy more time alone and time together
"There’s no way we’re spending Thanksgiving with your mother."
Sound familiar?
Many couples fight about their in-laws.
It's a tough situation, particularly during the holidays when one family may seem to take precedence over another.
When a spouse doesn't get along with their partner's family, the small arguments can even blow up into far worse fights that can harm the relationship.
What can you do when you'd rather spend time with your own family as opposed to your partner's?
Talk it over and work out a compromise. Just be sure that you take turns and spend some time with each other's families. Maybe your compromise doesn’t call for equal time with each family, maybe it does. Give a little here, take a little there. It’s how marriage ought to work, okay?
If a compromise about spending X time here and Y time there together doesn’t work, there's no reason you can't go your own way on weekends or some holidays and see your own family. Just because you're a couple, doesn't mean you can't act independently sometimes.
Splitting up for a day is far better than splitting up forever over this issue.
Sometimes friends can pose problems for couples. Friends can have a positive as well as a negative impact on romantic relationships. Are you tired of your spouse's friend having a say in your relationship or knowing too much? That can lead to marital problems.
Often, friends pose difficulties for young couples as they go from being single to part of a couple. It can be difficult for friends to adjust to the new dynamic as well.
We think it's important to keep your couple's private business private out of respect for your partner-- but you may feel differently. What’s important, is that you and your partner are on the same page about what’s private to just the two of you. That way there aren’t any uninvited privacy +1’s that one of the two of you didn’t know about or approve in advance knowing some of the intimate details of your married life.
If friends are causing problems in your relationship, take time to address why. One or both of you may need to adjust your relationship with your spouse, or your friendships, or both.
Should you maintain friendships with your ex? Do you chat with your exes on social media? Meet for lunch? Text? If so, don't be surprised if your partner may have some degree of a problem with this behavior.
Even if they say nothing at first, there's a good chance a resentful storm is brewing.
Similarly, jealousy-- which may or may not be warranted-- can lead to fights about whether or not a partner was flirting with a server, bartender, work colleague, etc.
It's important to insulate your relationship from negative emotions like jealousy.
How you interact with the opposite sex can have a significant effect on your romantic relationship, so proceed with caution.
Flirting with strangers or maintaining contact with exes isn’t bad per se. Acting in a way that makes your partner feel disrespected is what’s problematic. And you have to know what those things are to avoid making mistakes.
We recommend discussing both issues out in the open and being honest with yourself and your partner about who you're connecting with and why.
You may find that your boundaries about strangers and flirting are much less restrictive than some other couples (and that’s okay). If so, flirt away with strangers because you both know that’s who you are and it’ll go no further.
But maybe she doesn’t like that you want to continue being friends with a previous girlfriend. If so, tread with caution because flouting that request could be the very straw that breaks a marriage’s back.
All we’re saying is that these issues ought to be resolved by mutual decisions a couple makes together, discussed often and each partner makes sure to stay true to what the couple agreed with respect to flirting with strangers and contact with ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends.
Lifestyle habits can lead to serious fights in a marriage.
If one partner tends to drink too much, gamble, stay out too late, play too many video games, or spend every weekend playing golf or chasing Pokemons, it can lead to relationship trouble.
Especially, Pokemon addiction causes problems.
Most couples that have been together for many years aren’t going to see any new, word obsessive behavior. Whatever it is, will likely have been part of his or her life BEFORE you decided to marry him or her.
That’s why it is super important for partners to talk about these things early and often until both partners understand what behaviors need to be monitored -- and moderation limits decided upon (i.e. how much ____ is TOO much?).
We all do things we probably shouldn’t, but moderation is key.
Where the real danger lies is when the relatonship’s roles get messed up and one partner feels the need to state and reinforce what moderation ought to look like for his or her partner’s habit. It's definitely unsexy when one partner has to take on the ‘parental' role and ‘scold' the other for doing so much of what he or she should already know they really shouldn't be doing.
How can you fix your bad habits? Not to put too fine a point on it, but grow up and get help if you need professional help. Treat your partner like an equal. Don’t slack off from work, household chores, or parenting so you can do things that ought to be in leisure time only.
It's not your job to ‘raise' your partner. You deserve to be with a grownup. If your partner respects you, they'll try to keep their bad habits in check. If they don’t, it’s time for a “Come to Jesus” meeting where everything gets put on the table. Don’t wait years and years to say anything (it’ll seem like a personal attack and “out of left field”).
Hopefully, you were smart enough to discuss some of these chronic habits, your concerns and what moderation looks like for this behavior BEFORE getting married-- but if not, and it’s been bugging you, don’t put it off another day hoping it will get better.
Couples that have kids may fight about how to best raise them. That's not uncommon at all, but these can be serious arguments. When one parent is too strict and another is too lax, kids can get caught in the middle of a tug of war.
While most parents don't always agree on decisions about raising their kids, it's important to take time to discuss issues in a calm manner and compromise.
We think it’s certainly unfair for one parent to have all the control over a kid’s upbringing. That’s where the handy “1 No, 2 Yes” rule comes into play. Give either parent a veto power over an thing for the kids. Over time, you’ll come to realize you both want what’s best for the child-- you maybe just have different ideas about how to accomplish that. And you’ll naturally work to persuade the other parent to provide a “yes” to something you really think is important to do or not do (because you need two “yes” answers).
While how to raise children are common enough arguments in many marriages, chronic parenting disagreements can lead to serious relationship woes. Take notes and learn something each time you disagree about how to do something with the kids. Regular, repeated conversations and getting on the same page will help you repair those small problems before they lead to major headaches.
The best way to stop an argument is to nip it in the bud.
Another may need to stop and think of the things he or she loves about his partner before engaging further in an argument-- to make sure that they aren’t being too stubborn, irrational or frigid.
If your anger, hurt feelings or frustration is still overwhelming you from focusing on anything positive about your partner or your relationship, take it as a sign from your psyche that you’re not ready to jump into solution-making.
And if you find yourself fighting so frequently about one of these topics-- or any smaller topic for that matter-- that the frustration is spilling over into poisoning other positive areas of your relationship with each other,while you never seem to arrive at positive solutions, we think you should absolutely seek help from a marriage counselor.
Like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus book author John Gray says:
“Imagine a land of brilliant sunrises and sunsets where there were no misunderstandings or hurt feelings, no sideways glares, no slammed doors, and no arguing…As much as any couple may avoid fighting, the truth is, one minute you may feel great passion, and the next you’re contemplating divorce.”
If you argue, if you fight, you’re not unhealthy.
It’s normal.
If there’s just one thing you take away from today’s message, let it be this: in marriage, disagreements are inevitable, acceptable and forgivable.
But personal attacks by one partner on another (verbal, physical, psychological, emotional) are not okay.
Fighting isn't fun, but sometimes these disagreements between individuals in a committed marriage can lead to positive transformations, compromise and terrific improvements in your relationship.
Let that be the goal: steer the energy of your arguments away from hurting someone intentionally and towards improving your understanding of the wants and needs of your partner.
]]>Online since 1999, The Clear Choice for Cubic Zirconia ™ now serving you better.
In appreciation for 23 years online, you can get special savings:
For the first 23 days of January 2023, the first 23 sales each day of almost everything we make and sell* will receive 23% off [no discount code needed, automatic discount at checkout after adding discountable products to online cart]
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]]>Even though there are women who’ve never experienced an orgasm-- and women who most predictably can come to orgasm only with the help of something besides a partner’s body parts utilized in traditional intercourse...
We understand that today’s message isn’t for everyone:(hey, some lovers are into whips, tongue rings, sex swings and play with hot wax-- none of which, frankly, seems all that appealing in our opinion).
We take the position that mutually-consented sex toys are nothing to be ashamed of or intimidated by. As in, it’s something to consider and try if both lovers in a couple wanna try it. Like it or don’t like it, you can decide for yourselves.
While we personally think sex toys can be a good addition to a consensual couple’s sex repertoire, we recognize that some readers may disagree.
That’s ok.
No two couples’ lives are exactly the same.
In addition to who we choose to be our partner, we each have differences in how and where we work, when and what we eat, and so much more.
And when it comes to sex, that diversity tends to reflect some very different preferences for where, how, when, why and with whom we each “do it”.
Or the “who puts what where, how and when?” topic.
> That makes sense.
>> Variety is the spice of life after all.
These toy aficionados stock sex toys in the closet, under the bed, inside the bathroom cabinet or tucked in a top dresser drawer.
Whether it’s big or small, plastic or rubber, meant to be used for internal or external stimulation (or both), shaped like an egg or a man’s member-- or even custom-created from a mold of your guy’s actual penis-- those pulsating inches of pleasure can add something extra that, in our (probably uninvited) opinion, doesn’t require a guy to think “hey, I’m not good enough”.
> What about you? >> Something you do?
>>> Don’t do?
>>>> Tried one but didn’t like it?
>>>>> Won’t ever give sex toys a try?
For those who are curious about why some other couples do it, and those looking for a bit of validation that what’s hidden in your bedroom or bathroom is “perfectly natural” (as Jim’s Dad would say)…
Everyone wants to make sure that their partner enjoys a 10 out of 10 erotic experience, but that's not always possible-- for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you had a tough week or just aren't feeling up to snuff. Maybe penetration would be painful tonight, or there’s some “struggle getting a stiffy”. These things happen.
Rather than one partner feeling intimidated by the addition of “BOB in the bedroom” (battery operated boyfriend”) or some other sex-tech for his and her pleasure…we think a healthy couple ought to welcome whatever could take the pressure off. Properly used in a loving relationship, sex toys can assist each partner in having a guilt-free, rockin' time.Using new sex toys can encourage couples to spontaneously try out new positions and inspire the two of you to get creative. Even if you love your consistent position and “how we’ve always done it”, there's no harm in the both of you together wanting to try something new from time to time…is there?
The understandably-charged issues of fertility and pregnancy* notwithstanding, and excepting those who have every right if they wish to practice sex only for procreation within the bonds of a religious marriage… maybe it’s worth committed couples realizing that sex doesn't have to be so serious.
In fact, laughing in bed with your partner can help you both feel more comfortable in your own skin-- and laughter is probably exactly what'll happen when you whip out a neon green, pickle-shaped vibrator or a “tongue twister tornado”.Some people are concerned that using sex toys is somehow shame-worthy. Can’t really blame them, especially if he or she had a certain kind of upbringing. A small number of people may disagree, but frankly in our opinion-- and yes, we know we may take some flack for publishing this statement-- too much of that dying patriarchal culture was about controlling women.
In today’s world, the empowered woman and her lover are much less concerned about some kind of antiquated social stigma: it's our bedroom, and it’s our rules.
Moreover, what stigma could apply to consenting adults?
There are some women who most predictably can come to orgasm only with the aid of something besides a partner’s private body parts utilized in traditional intercourse.
That’s not failure, fellas. It’s neither about her attraction for you, nor in most cases about your sexual prowess. It’s just science and physiology. Bodies are different. The sooner we put ego aside and recognize that, the healthier couples can be-- sexually, emotionally, and psychologically.
Whether the answers are oral sex, sex toys, a sneaky vibrator in the purse disguised to look like a tube of lipstick or whatever-- it’s the unselfish couple who aims for mutual sexual fulfillment, and does what it takes to achieve it (without guilt).Sure, maybe many of us would like to think we’re a stud or a goddess in the sack. But love-- and the pursuit of pleasure-- are not absolute, but iterative. Practice makes perfect. Your ability to please your partner ought to grow over time in a healthy relationship!
There's nothing wrong with more education. Watching your partner use a sex toy to pleasure herself or himself offers great insight. You can see what turns them on and what helps him or her reach new levels of satisfaction.If you've thought about giving sex toys a try but still haven't managed to purchase one, just consider how gratifying it could be to put to bed your curiosity?
X-rated gadgets and gizmos, vibrators or dildos might not prove to be your cup of tea. Your partner might laugh at a surprise neon green, pickle-shaped vibrator and say ‘no’ to that… we’re just sayin’ why not be open to something else new that excites you both?
Or the two of you may try sex toys and find that it’s simply not for you.
That's all for today!
We've probably already said too much, anyway.
Warmly,
Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
*
¹ Our mission is to improve our customers’ relationships. In previous messages, we’ve discussed anger and arguments, death and grief, pregnancy and fertility worries, marital infidelity-- and all sorts of other non-salesy topics that have nothing to do with high-quality cubic zirconia jewelry…but nonetheless impact the lives of our customers (most of whom are couples). We ain’t about to hold back over some kind of dumb, patriarchal sexual taboo.
² Your bedroom, your rules, and nobody’s business. Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia don’t have to tell the world that ish about our sex life, either. Honestly, it’s kinda uncomfortable. But when we took on the challenge of building our company by sharing “his and her” relationship stories and tips for couples to live a better married life-- we made the decision to talk about the bad as well as the good, the traditional AND the uncomfortable.
Yet we MUST make time to date our significant other regularly-- especially after marriage and children. It’s important…but IT'LL NEVER BE URGENT (until and unless it becomes almost too late). You can make it easy despite a busy life by creating a date ritual with some basic pre-planning of what to do, where and how.
Here's one date ritual we have to ensure quality time together, both free and costing money-- time without kids, having zero errands to run, no tasks to complete and with no agenda except enjoying one another’s company.
-- Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
Not focused.
Worn out.
Stressed.
Hardly even there.
It was a Thursday where it seemed like every minute of every hour of the week so far had already become basically forgettable.
Please don’t judge but… I was bored.
In between some things I had to get done, I asked myself why I was bored (after all, I’d been taught by my mother from a very young age that people who get bored often are boring people…and I didn’t want to think I was a boring person).
Allow me to make a personal confession, dear reader?
It had been WAAAAAAYYY too many weeks since my wife and I were last out of the house…alone, together, without kids, having zero errands to run, no tasks to complete and with no agenda except enjoying one another’s company.
In short: there was a serious recent lack of quality time in the Mr. & Mrs. Cubic Zirconia household.
I opened up a notebook I always keep saved on my desk with ideas for date restaurants to try and activities to do that we can enjoy just the two of us-- and started looking at the calendar the next few days to see when we might do something fun.
Almost immediately, I started having a bunch of contrary impulses:
Huh? A haircut? Haircuts aren’t really that important when compared to quality time with my wife.
What? Lost sunglasses kayaking? That was a long time ago.
I know it’s been too long since we’ve had a great date when I start making a plan for the next one and get worried about something that happened so long ago she forgave, forgot and would probably laugh to hear that I still think about.
When? I need a “calendar” to date my wife? WTF happened?
Look, we all have busy lives.
Gotta make a living.
Plus we want (and need)-- plus deserve-- time with ourselves.
And the urgent stuff is always clamoring for our attention:
And our loved ones' "emotional tank" doesn't stay full forever (and it doesn't refill itself, either).
If we don’t make time, for too many of us that urgent stuff ends up ruling our lives every single day-- so we procrastinate making time for that quality time and those memorable moments that build and sustain a marriage.
And that can’t be allowed.
Hello, boooooorrrrrriiiinnnngggg…thy name is modern routine.
And it’s killing marriages, too.
I don’t think so: boring busyness can be the kiss of death for relationships-- and is among the top reasons for marriages to end prematurely (you know, before death).
I’m not saying you’re a boring person.
I don’t think I’m boring, either.
Say it together: we’re not too boring to be fun (anymore)!
Yet, still it happens.
At some point, we’ve gotta say “enough is enough” for the urgency addiction and slay that busyness dragon.
At some point, we’ve gotta drop the reasons why we supposedly can’t plan a date with our significant other THIS WEEK-- or TODAY-- and just do it.
Sure you may need to coordinate together to manage any logistics that need to happen before the date (plan any activities, buy what’s needed, arrange childcare, mark a shared family calendar, plan to leave work early, whatever).
We try to make it so we can just get up and go.
Here’s one idea I had that day at work to make things much easier from then forwards:
What you do is:
Here’s what our date-ideas ‘hat’ looks like…
(yeah, it was easier to use a plastic container than an actual “hat”)
Say you wanted to take a couple hours and prepare something like this…what kind of date ideas might you put in there?
(the number after each idea is just our time estimate in hours, and any $ dollar signs is a sliding scale from $ one dollar sign cheap to $$$$ four dollar signs more expensive):
Just jotting those down was a lot of fun for me.
Some are things we do a lot. Others are things we just added recently to our “pull a date out of a hat” and we haven’t experienced doing that thing together.
It’s my opinion that for the best dating life with your partner, over time most happily still-dating couples develop a ritual. EVERY couple could benefit from creating a ritual for how you do dating with him or her. Something simple to make it easy with some basic pre-planning of what to do, where and how-- so when you’re wanting that quality time, you can do it without too much thinking.
Your date ritual could be different from ours: something we hope continues to help keep us together and happy as a couple.
But if you do like the idea of our date ritual maybe for yourself/yourselves, then your next date together as a couple should be pretty easy. Just get out your paper, scissors and pens and make your own ‘date ideas in a hat’.You should be able to get a few hundred ideas in 2-3 hours. Turn off the electronics, add some nice music and maybe a bottle of wine or cocktails and you’ve got the fixings for a memorable date just coming up with more date ideas. :)
Here’s some “rules” we adopted that fit our relationship (yours will likely be different):
Look, I'm spending quality time with my wife right this minute while 2 guys are remodeling our kitchen.
Maybe it IS ‘hard work’ to prioritize, plan and prepare for a kick-ass ongoing dating life even after marriage (and especially after a long week actually doing the work you get paid for)…but IMHO it’s a lot more pleasant than divorce. And frankly, that’s where someone is headed if he or she’s married too long and not still dating.
I won’t belabor this point any more: marriages live and die by quality time together.
Whatever is required to get that quality time…financial sacrifice, activities planning, leaving work early, being a bit embarrassed, using a couples’s shared calendar…we think it’s worth it.
For some, spontaneity alone is the way to go.
Whether it’s planned and agreed-upon, spontaneously together or a night-of surprise planned by one partner for another….it’s all good.
EVERYBODY'S HOW TO IS DIFFERENT
But the decision and follow through is what matters.
How you do it is up to you.
For Mr. and Mrs. Cubic Zirconia, we kept things pretty informal for a long time.
So we took the thinking out of date ideas with this “pull a date out of a hat” idea.
But being able to see the hours of time expected for the date before opening up the folded slip of paper with the date idea written on it-- that helps us pick things to do which we know we’ll have enough time for doing that day.
You may take some or all of our ritual for your own.
Just please don’t do nothing-- because in my experience, most couples who are married…severely slow down their quality time together (especially activities out of the house). And boring lack of quality time is the kiss of death for marriages.
Your ritual may include a calendar or pre-written date ideas or none of those things.
While we don’t personally use a couple’s calendar, we don’t judge those men and women who do. Put it on your calendar if you must-- even if it may seem "unromantic" or weird.
* Don’t even pretend you’ve never been “at work” and actually day-dreaming, judgy-judgerton.
** This isn’t exactly true. I could imagine a few instances where someone indeed could die because you ignore an email for a few weeks. But it’s not likely. Worth the risk? After all, a marriage with no couples’ quality time IS going to disintegrate.
*** A lot of the date planning and prep can even be outsourced to a remote virtual assistant in a country where cost-of-living is cheaper than where you live…working part-time a few hours per month for less than $10 USD per hour. That means you can be at work actually doing your work, while someone else’s ‘work’ is planning some of the logistics of any of your more complicated dates (one good service for this is called "Ask Sunday" you can find and hire online).]]>They say nothing for days, weeks, months, or years, until the secret gets exposed.
Don’t blindside your partner one day and make them feel like they married a stranger when they find out you’ve always wanted to move to Spain, you hate your job and were just pretending to like it for years, or say it’s always been your fantasy to be handcuffed in bed.
Those desires don’t happen overnight. Daily communication is key. The earlier you talk about potential issues the better.
Expert after expert encourages couples to talk.
Talk when your problems or secret desires are a molehill-- so you can prevent them from becoming a mountain-- or a hill your marriage goes to die on.
Here's how lots of marriages fail: one of the partners develops some interest or urge that he or she is ashamed of -- or is scared to talk to his/her partner about.
So they say nothing.
This closeting goes on for days, weeks, months, or years, until the secret gets exposed. Either the closeted partner gets caught with his/her pants down or he/she can't stand one more moment in the closet so bursts through.
Don’t blindside your partner one day and make them feel like they married a stranger when they find out you’ve always wanted to move to Spain, you hate your job and were just pretending to like it for years, or say it’s always been your fantasy to be handcuffed in bed.
Daily communication is key.
Those desires don’t happen overnight.
The job didn’t please you years ago.
You’d been daydreaming over Spain and bookmarking websites for years before you ever said something to your life partner?
Nah, the best time to say you might like to try some light bondage role-playing in the bedroom was when it first occurred to you in 2015-- not after a decade of unrequited lusting for something that’s now built up so much importance in your mind that it may shatter you if your partner isn’t going to be into trying it.
Talk about the issues that frustrate you in order to confront them.
Talk about the things that excite you and plant the seeds for your partner to not be surprised later when a small interest becomes a bit obsessive.
If communication is so habitual that the partners talk about it the first day the job turns sour -- or the first time one partner thinks of some light bondage roleplaying in the bedroom -- no one will get blindsided.
Keeping secrets can undermine healthy communication in a marriage.
Now, this might be a somewhat controversial stance, but secrets can erode trust in a relationship.
Sure, we understand the need for personal autonomy.
No one's suggesting that you have to spill the beans about every detail of each past relationship or offer up every thought that pops into your head to the altar of marriage, but you know the types of secrets you shouldn’t be keeping--or wouldn’t want your spouse to keep from you, don't you?
Secrets are masks for actions we've taken or may wish to take.
They become barriers between you and your spouse that have the potential to become insurmountable to get around.
We’re simply saying talk to your partner about what's going on in your mind and heart. Do it early, do it often. Don't blindside him or her with a major issue that you should have discussed with them when it was a minor one.
Speaking openly and honestly with your partner allows you to build trust.
Trust is never a given.
In fact, it may not even be a choice.
What makes us trust another person completely, so completely that we place our heart and well-being in their hands?
Typically, we trust because trust has been built over a period of time.
Talking with your partner helps you build and strengthen the trust you have for one another.
Failing to talk slowly erodes trust, and they can lead to a crumbling of your relationship.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
No secrets.
Communication is the WD-40 of a healthy relationship.
It greases the wheels of your partnership and is crucial for keeping a marriage on track. And yet, even though the word on the importance of talking is out, according to some statistics we recently read…nearly 55% of marriages still end in divorce.
Improving one's ability--and willingness--to talk to their partner might not save every marriage, but the benefits of communicating together should not be ignored.
So let's talk!
No matter how well you know your partner, you might get the wrong idea at times.
You may not fully understand their signals, or simply not 'get it.'
The only way to clear up misunderstandings is to talk through them.
So, you agreed to go visit your in-laws, but made a half-hearted reply.
Your spouse took it as a full-hearted 'yes.'
On the day of, you're miffed that he/she didn't read you right, didn't pick up that you didn't really want to spend your only day off work that week with the in-laws you really don’t enjoy being around anyway.
Oops!
This tension might have been avoided if you'd have communicated clearly (and the earlier, the better).
Humans contain deep, seemingly fathomless pools of thoughts and feelings.
Plus, our ideas and goals evolve over time.
Keep up with your partner's changes, keep learning about them as they grow.
At the same time, keep sharing your ideas.
So often, people in failed relationships came to a point when they simply didn't know each other anymore.
Don't let that predicament happen to you.
Keep learning about each other, and never assume that your knowledge of them won't require refining over time.
The way you talk to your partner will affect your relationship positively or negatively.
Yelling, cursing, downing your partner are signs of a relationship in trouble.
We all get angry. M
ake it a point to talk to your partner without allowing your anger to boil over into insults. Communicate about issues; don't let your differences lead to personal attacks.
Harsh words can diminish love, especially if they become habitual.
Speak gently with your spouse.
If you're too angry to manage that “say something nice” at least once adult tried to teach you, then don’t say anything at all (wait until your anger subsides--then talk).
Lots of couples take the communication thing for granted, but when life gets busy, quality conversation in couples can fall by the wayside.
If something is on your mind, let your partner know that you want to talk.
Set aside time to take a walk or sit down together at a coffee shop to discuss what's on your mind.
Trying to fit in important discussions on the phone when you're driving to work or on a lunch break isn't the ideal way to communicate about impactful issues.
Communicating with your partner allows you to demonstrate your support for them and your relationship.
It helps us to grow our love too.
Feeling loved and supported feels, well, feels wonderful.
If we feel that our partner withholds their thoughts, ideas, feelings from us--it doesn't feel that great. Communicating even about the difficult topics is how we bridge those challenging times.
We think that daily communication is key to a loving and positive relationship. What do you think? We'd love to hear your thoughts about communication in a marriage.
]]>One company at the forefront of the diamond-alternative revolution believes the output of its stone-manufacturing process absolutely does measure up favorably in every way (although they can’t guarantee that any ‘cubic zirconia’ stones sold anywhere will, too: Q: Why does your cubic zirconia look so much better than what I've seen elsewhere?)
Welcome to an exploration of the vaunted “diamond 4C’s” and how a CubicZirconia.com 5A diamond-quality cubic zirconia stone compares with a flawless, mined natural diamond.Diamonds are universally measured against the “4C’s” standard.
You may have heard of these factors: Cut, Color, Clarity, Carat Weight.
Let’s take those one at a time...
2) Color - An ideal diamond should be perfectly colorless. Few actually are, and those colorless stones are some of the most prized and highly-priced by sellers.
Being man-made allows CubicZirconia.com to easily make all its 5A/AAAAA cubic zirconia stones to be perfectly clear and colorless when sold as a diamond simulant.
As far as Color is concerned, taking that even a step further, clear cubic zirconia can also be manufactured with a tint in any color (making it an ideal simulant stone, not only of genuine clear diamonds, but genuine colored gemstones and birthstones as well).
3) Clarity - An ideal diamond should be perfectly clear or must have as few flaws, impurities or “inclusions” as possible.
Being man-made allows CubicZirconia.com to easily make all its 5A/AAAAA cubic zirconia stones to be perfectly clear and flawless, without any internal impurities or “inclusions”.
This contrasts greatly with the clarity of genuine diamonds where little flaws, impurities or inclusions are common to the greatest percentage of diamonds (truly flawless diamonds with little-to-no inclusions, perfectly clear inside, are the rarest and sold for the highest price).
4) Carat Weight - While there have been documented ideal cut flawless diamonds that are over 100 carats (such as the one Sotheby's put in the market in 2018), to the regular diamond buyer-- who isn’t selling a 30 room Scottish castle to afford a tiny sparkling pure carbon rock-- the most common carat weight range for a genuine diamond is 0.25 to 3.0 carats.
Whether 0.25 carats or 3.0 carats…the company claims that buying a stone for $12 to $70 from CubicZirconia.com will give you a product that compares in every important way positively with a similarly-sized-and-shaped diamond costing many hundreds of times that price.
Note: As far as weight is concerned, cubic zirconia is a slightly denser material than diamond. That means a CubicZirconia.com stone of “X” carats is actually 1.7 times as heavy as an identically-sized diamond of “X” carats. So to properly mimic diamonds and make explanations easy, cubic zirconia stones makers and sellers use a “diamond-carat equivalent” based on millimeters (you may have already heard about that, but the company CubicZirconia.com covers how that works in detail here).
The important thing to remember about carat weight is that with the naked eye no one can tell that of two things with the same length and width and height in millimeters, one of them weighs a few more fractions of a gram or an ounce. Since cubic zirconia is man-made, the maker has absolute control over how it’s formed and ultimately over the look and feel of the final product.
You can read about some of these fabled “4C” factors of a perfect diamond-- the same factors CubicZirconia.com claims the company was able to recreate in a lab from a different material and sell profitably for less than $70-- in more detail here at this blog post.
Overall, if CubicZirconia.com is to be believed, the “Diamond versus 5A Cubic Zirconia” comparison can be summed up in the company’s long-standing company tagline:
“If no one can TELL the difference, why PAY for the difference?”
Why indeed…
Would you like to explore a bit further before you make any sort of purchase?
Here’s a super-low-risk way to do that: Check our quality $29.00 USD
]]>You may have read or heard about the bloodstained history of diamonds-- specifically what are known as “conflict diamonds” or what Wikipedia calls “blood diamonds”.
Never heard of conflict diamonds?
We’d be surprised, since the ‘no blood diamonds!’ movement is now reaching millions of diamond boycotters… but those wondering what it’s all about can find a good introduction in the Leonardo DiCaprio movie, “Blood Diamond” (that’s an IMDB movie link)-- which we’ll review in detail below.In recent years, men buying a jewelry gift for the woman in their lives have begun to ask themselves: Will she approve of this purchase…ethically?
Many of these ladies now have quite strong feelings about blood diamonds (also known as ‘conflict diamonds’). He may already know for a fact that she feels strongly about the repulsive and often illegal diamonds trade. If she’s got strong feelings on this issue— and many people today do— he’d better do his homework before buying anything sparkly. Yep! She’s lovely. She’s smart. And she’s got a big heart! How could you be so lucky? If this is how your leading lady already feels, you can smile, feel good and shop confidently making a purchase from CubicZirconia.com.If you’re not sure, that’s why we wrote this post today.
Would you believe a single Hollywood movie is responsible for much of that new public awareness of conflict diamonds in the last 15 years?
We’re proud that Hollywood actually dared to expose how awful the diamond biz can be-- especially when the movies over the last century have been a major factor in marketing the Great Lies of the Diamond Cartel to the public in the first place.
That’s why we advise the man not yet sure whether the lady in his life will accept a diamond alternative engagement ring to DO THIS:
The discussion with your future spouse about a non-diamond engagement ring can be a tough conversation when society has a certain expectation but you want to do something different. We call that discussion being "between a rock and a hard place". This article we wrote will provide a few ideas and resources to help couples talk through the options for a non-mined-diamond alternative (including the specific advice in point #2 below).
2) Watch the Leonardo Dicaprio movie “Blood Diamond” TOGETHER Blood Diamond (Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly) [IMDB link] (movie summarized below).
In our culture’s love affair with mined natural diamonds, most consumers historically have been unaware of their origins.
For years, critics have rightfully criticized the diamond market for its awful labor practices-- especially in war-torn African countries. Just look at the references on any related Wikipedia page such as the one linked to at the beginning of this blog post.
Yet the average person may only know that these precious gemstones are mined from the earth-- and not much more.
However, in recent years more and more consumers have begun to ask tough questions about diamond mining practices-- 'by whom and under what conditions'?
"Blood diamonds" are NOT mined and sold ethically.
These conflict diamonds were mined under deplorable conditions by ill-paid or unpaid, essentially slave-laborers controlled with violence and under pain of death to themselves and their families.
And funds from selling the stones are used by terrorist groups to finance their activities, plus allow child-soldier-using rebel groups and ruthless dictators to create havoc, fuel conflict, incite civil war and commit genocide (more details on these atrocities further down).
Suffice to say: these mined, natural diamond stones have been sullied by human exploitation so badly that some shoppers believe these gemstones give off a filthy residue in the spiritual realm.
Imagine a bloody aura beyond what the eye can see-- an invisible but very real taint that can never be washed out with the passage of time.
Who wants that on her finger?
Here’s some other pretty good ones:
If you're a man wondering whether the lady you love will accept a non-mined-diamond substitute for an engagement ring, here's a low-risk way to find out: on movie night, simply rent or stream an awesome movie tens of millions of viewers have already seen.
We recommend you set up a movie night for the two of you together to watch “Blood Diamond” Blood Diamond (Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly) [IMDB link].
Lead actor DiCaprio is easy on the eyes, and unlikely to meet with an objection from any female watcher-- and this powerful movie was Academy Award nominated (5 Oscar nominations).
Got a future fianceé on the fence about choosing natural mined diamonds versus a diamond alternative for an engagement ring or other jewelry piece?
This movie moves the emotions on this subject more than any words could.
You probably won’t have to say much.
In fact, if you haven’t seen this movie, don’t watch it until you are together.
You will BOTH likely want to talk after you have seen it.
Don’t be surprised if after watching the movie together, you hear her say that the thought of wearing a small, sparkling crystal that’s supposed to symbolize love now sends shivers down her spine-- because that shiny rock might very well have been polished by blood.
* PLOT SPOILERS *
The “Blood Diamond” movie depicts scenes set during the Sierra Leone Civil War of 1991–2002 .
Imagine an entire country torn apart by the struggle between government loyalists determined to hold onto power no matter the cost in money or murder and ruthless insurgent forces willing to kill the people to save the people from that same government.
The atrocities are awful-- and not just what happens to black local fisherman Solomon Vandy and his family (played by supporting actor Djimon Hounsou), who is pressed into service by rebels trying to overthrow the government and using slave labor at diamond mining camps to raise the money to finance their reign of terror.
Corrupt bureaucrats at every turn.
Throats cut and bodies tossed in a ditch.
Buses hijacked and everyone aboard shot.
Whipping mining workers who pass out from heat exhaustion.
Entire villages destroyed in a senseless struggle.
Torture as a governmental policy.
Press representatives gunned down in the street.
Hands chopped off to discourage voting in elections.
Slave laborers in deplorable conditions.
Brainwashed 10-year-old child soldiers toting AK-47s.
It's a 2006 movie with real-life-like happenings from 1999.
In the decade and a half since, no such lawsuit has succeeded-- because so much of what this movie portrays IS and HAS BEEN what life was like in the diamond mines of conflict regions (especially Africa).
One morning, while mining a river, Solomon Vandy discovers an enormous pink diamond. The cruel rebel overseer at the forced-labor camp tries to take the stone, but the area is suddenly overrun by government soldiers.
Solomon buries the stone before being captured and sent to jail. There he meets white Danny Archer (played by actor Leo DiCaprio). This is not a soft man: diamond smuggler, mercenary soldier for hire, a man unafraid of taking a life if the price is right. He does, however, have a buyer for Vandy's stone: Rudolph van de Kaap, a corrupt South African mining executive.
Hearing of the pink diamond in prison, Archer arranges for himself and Vandy to be freed. He offers to help Solomon find his missing family if together they recover the diamond.
Along the way, the two men meet an American journalist named Maddy Bowen (played by actress Jennifer Connelly), who is attempting to write an exposé on the illicit diamond trade. As she says in the movie: "People back home would not buy a diamond if they knew it cost someone their hand."Before succeeding, the two men begin fighting over the most important thing: Archer wants to sell the diamond and get the hell out of Africa, while Solomon cares only about finding his son, Dia (who has been drafted as a child soldier into the rebel army while his father was incarcerated).
At the end, Solomon and Maddy meet in London, where they execute an undercover operation meant to expose the diamond industry’s dirty deeds.
The former slave-laborer who barely escaped with his life exchanges the pink diamond for £2 million British pounds and uses the funds to finance a reunion with his entire family. Maddy takes photographs of the exchange and publishes her exposé on the diamond trade and the buyer’s criminal actions.
And frankly, conflict over control of diamonds isn’t done just because the movie says there's peace in Sierra Leone now.
The humanitarian value of this movie in our opinion was that much of the world first became more aware of the human rights’ abuses, dangerous labor practices, terrorist funding, money laundering, and environmental destruction wrought by the mined natural diamond industry.
Few movies have been more influential in causing a stirring call for change.
Blood, war, torture, corruption, family separation, death and genocide do not make a good investment (either financially, or as a symbol for a promised lifetime of wedded bliss.
(Forgive us for the brutality of some of these words, but we really feel strongly about this topic)
And most watchers of this movie feel the same after watching-- if they didn’t already feel that way beforehand.
Thanks to the actors, writers, producers, and marketers who brought this movie into the public consciousness alongside director Edward Zwick, things have changed for the better in many ways.
15 years later, though, the truth is this: it’s not enough.
The “Blood Diamond” movie was released six years after the formation of an allegedly ‘international protocol’ to make dealing in blood diamonds more difficult.
It’s the same group of men and women before whom the “Blood Diamond” character Solomon Vandy appears as a guest speaker-- where he is met with a standing ovation upon telling his terrifying story as a victim of the diamond industry.
Indeed, many consumers who hear about the issue for the first time, hear about it in the light of something that’s been “banned” or “ended” or made illegal.
Yes, there are supposed to be protocols the diamond industry follows to protect against these things...but it’s lipstick on a pig.
When you buy a natural diamond, you simply cannot know for sure whether your dollars are also supporting torture, family separation, corruption and civil war.
Outside of healthcare, it’s generally not good when the word “blood” becomes an adjective for your industry. And the blood isn’t going to wash away as easily as a positive “spin” publicity campaign paid for with stained currency.
Sadly, while some advances have been made for human rights, the terrible blood price of many mined, natural diamonds is pretty much as true in 2022 as it was in 2006 before the movie came out.
Despite the year 2000 Kimberley Process, it’s very difficult and frankly near impossible for an average diamond retailer to tell you 100% for sure that the diamond you buy is not possibly a “blood diamond”-- especially if it was mined in Southern or Western Africa in the last 100 years.
Well, it was an international agreement that was supposed to prevent conflict diamonds from getting into the market.
And it doesn’t do that in any measurable, meaningful way.
The Kimberley Process started when southern African diamond-producing states met in Kimberley, South Africa, in May 2000, to discuss ways to stop the trade in ‘conflict diamonds' and ensure that diamond purchases were not financing violence by rebel movements and their allies seeking to undermine legitimate governments.
The Kimberley Process is a noble initiative that indeed has created some positive humanitarian change, but if we’re being honest-- it’s well-known that improvement has been limited in its mandate and implementation.
And the process has been only infrequently updated in the last two plus decades.
Some countries have attempted to legislate against the sale of conflict diamonds. Other nations did something that sounded nice for the newspapers in the last 20 years since Kimberley-- and a number later reversed their policies when more tax-hungry politicians were in power.
To be fair, there are institutions and diamond producers making solid efforts to produce ethical diamonds.
To be clear: some diamonds are mined, processed and sold in legitimate, ethical ways.
And things have gotten better in the mines in the last couple decades (though, as noted before it isn’t as clean in this decade as the sparkle swindlers’ PR spin-cycle machine wants the average consumer to believe).
Sadly, however, many horrific abuses continue.
Too many of the most ruthless human rights’ abusers continue to sully the entire diamond industry.
Unfortunately, you could say the whole thing has ended up being more of a PR stunt than a meaningful change initiative (and it hurts to say that for people like this writer, who wishes the capitalist system didn’t so often reward the most ruthless humans among us).
We think it's naive to the Nth degree to trust the diamond sellers themselves to police whether and how much profit they themselves can make by selling diamonds.
Until and unless real laws with real teeth regulate the industry-- since it's primarily mostly based on a system of self-policing by companies and organizations within the diamond industry-- this isn’t likely to change dramatically for the better.
The result: even 15 years after that movie came out, blood-tainted diamonds still get smuggled from conflict regions on a daily basis, and sold "certified" as being conflict-free.
Once a diamond mined in a conflict zone-- and smuggled out illegally for resale-- arrives with some sort of “documentation” to the so-called ‘first world’ to be sold to buyers in Japan, Western Europe, Australia or North America, there's no retracing its steps to really find out its origin.
Few do anything about this disparity between truth and public perception (although many, many newspaper and magazine articles have been written about the continuing crisis in the last 20 years).
The sad truth is that it is up to consumers to fight the demand for blood diamonds.
Literally millions and millions of these diamonds are around-- initially sold to jewelers.
That market has inspired civil wars to control the supply, funded terrorists and created cash used by dictators to purchase automatic weapons, bombs, and poisons used to eliminate undesirables in their region through systematic genocide.
Millions and millions of dirty diamonds.
In the display case at a local diamond jeweler.
For resale on platforms like Ebay or Poshmark.
On the hand of a friend or work colleague.
And stacked in massive containers within the gigantic warehouse vaults where a large percentage of previously-mined diamond supply is kept hidden and off the market so that the diamond cartel can avoid an over-supply and keep retail prices artificially inflated above actual intrinsic values based on natural diamond rarity (or lack thereof).
Due to smuggling shenanigans and that system of self-policing with the Dobermans in charge of the ham sandwiches, you’ll even find conflict diamonds having been purchased with a “conflict-free” certification of some kind (after all, forged paperwork isn't exactly rocket science).
Based on the best available research, investigators and human rights' activists are sure that "Blood diamonds" or “conflict diamonds” do NOT make up a majority of the diamond market in 2022.
But just 4-15% is not at all accurate for stones mined 20-100 years ago. The truth is, we don’t know how high that percentage is-- but it’s likely MUCH higher (maybe even a majority). And many of those “tainted” stones are still around, still being bought and sold and recycled-- even sometimes recycled in schemes that “whitewash” the stone and make it seem like it was mined more recently.
Whatever percentage of natural diamonds in the world can be considered “blood diamonds” is in dispute. The number may even be small compared to ethically-mined natural diamond sources, but it is very difficult to discern exactly where a diamond has come from and what "footprint" it has left on its journey to the jewelry store, and ultimately, to becoming a part of a buyer’s ring or other jewelry.
The good news is that there are alternatives for conflict diamonds.
We believe anybody considering buying jewelry-- an engagement ring especially-- should be aware of their other non-diamond alternative options-- and at CubicZirconia.com, we’re proud to be one of what we feel are the best dollars-for-value options on the market.
Trends change.
Traditions fade, or morph into practices we still cherish, but are noticeably different.
How will she feel as a natural mined diamond glimmers on her finger after learning about the industry’s bloody history?
We invite customers from around the world to save a life and buy a natural diamond alternative! The knowledge about blood diamonds made possible because of that “Blood Diamond” movie truly has created an increased love for quality diamond alternatives among people who concern themselves with human rights.
It could be what we make and sell (highest-quality cubic zirconia on the planet?).
White sapphire.
Or moissanite.
Or a “man-made” synthetic diamond.
Those above-named options all look like a mined clear natural diamond (to a greater or lesser degree). Even a colored gemstone (real or artificial) can be a great diamond alternative (it just won’t look like one).
We have no problem calling those stones “genuine” if they have the same physical, chemical, and optical properties as mined diamonds (though the diamond mining companies have a hissy fit over this same marketing label).
However, in 2022 those lab-grown diamonds are being sold to unsuspecting customers at prices that are just a bit cheaper than natural diamonds mined from the earth with sweat and sacrifice (and innocent blood, too)…
The prices asked for lab-created diamonds is just still way too high to justify in our opinion—an opinion shared by increasing numbers of savvy consumers who know what their money's worth-- for a product that is basically limitless in supply, as opposed to actually somewhat-limited-in-supply natural diamonds.
If these artificial man-made diamonds keep getting sold at such a premium, we feel like our 5A cubic zirconia is a far better option.
Not only are our 5A diamond-quality cubic zirconia stones visually indistinguishable from flawless ideal cut genuine diamonds, that even jewelers with decades of experience can’t tell them apart with the naked eye and without using special equipment and testing methods, but the quality and craftsmanship we put into the precious metal mountings we set these cubic zirconia stones into is simply impeccable.
Indeed, like our motto says: “if you can’t tell the difference, why pay the difference?”
And when compared to the current exorbitant price for man-made lab diamonds, we ask why pay that much if you can get the same sparkle, fire and brilliance at a small fraction of the cost from a similarly “man-made” and “lab-created” 5A cubic zirconia stone from CubicZirconia.com-- for less than a hundred US dollars?
We don’t deny that the bloody industry history splashed on the big screen in the “Blood Diamond” movie has brought untold numbers of new customers to join our 5A diamond-quality CubicZirconia.com CZ movement instead of buying a mined, natural diamond.
Many future brides will see that movie and ASK for a diamond-alternative engagement ring (especially when the two of you together tally up what else you can buy with the savings of ethically-produced 5A cubic zirconia engagement ring from CubicZirconia.com instead of a visually identical diamond engagement ring that may have spiritual blood stains).
Many customers already have done so in the last 15 years.
Indeed, our business exists in part to provide customers an easy, inexpensive way to say “no more!” to ‘blood diamonds’.
Frankly, the couple who own the CubicZirconia.com business have never dealt and will never deal in large natural, mined diamond stones.
The primary reason is simple and has already been noted: as far as we can tell, there are no easily verifiable ways to discern that such natural diamond stones weren’t polished with blood.If we can’t be 100% certain where a diamond originates, how it got to the marketplace, and what it cost in terms of human rights and life to get there…we don’t want to touch it. Life is too short to make money on misery.
NO: we DO NOT profit from natural mined diamonds. Yes, diamonds are still expected.
You really can’t escape that (though you can easily pass off a substitute).
But until there’s a sure way of knowing for certain that a diamond you’re planning to purchase to become a “family legacy” to be passed on from you to your children and your children’s children is NOT a blood diamond or a conflict diamond -- one that was brought into the light of the earth’s surface from the depths of some obscure African mine at the cost of slavery, murder and even genocide-- we give natural diamonds a firm “NO”.
And if you’ve read this far with us today, likely you will do so, too.
Yes, social pressure may tell us that "a diamond is a girl's best friend."
But today’s man is getting engaged to a woman, and not a girl.
She is modern: smart, educated, independent and informed.
And if she cares about the planet and her fellow human beings, let’s give her the chance to say so with her words and her money.
Thanks for giving us a bit of your time today, dear reader.
When you make a choice to go with cubic zirconia jewelry from CubicZirconia.com, you will know where the product originated, and who made it.
Our finished jewelry is proudly made in the United States, by artisans in good working conditions, with good pay.
We hope you consider perhaps choosing a high-quality precious metal cubic zirconia jewelry item for your next sparkly spend. We’re a pretty great choice if you’re seeking a high-quality engagement ring or multi-ring bridal set with pure 950 platinum, 10k-18k gold (white gold / rose gold / yellow gold) or .925 sterling silver. We’re also makers and sellers of earrings, pendants and some bracelets.
We stand by our product materials, design, production and marketing with a strong guarantee and lifetime warranty.We do these things because when we design, make and sell our CZ engagement rings, and other high-quality cubic zirconia jewelry, we know that we’re contributing to your legacy of love, family, and the stories you are going to create together.
We want our customers to enjoy his or her jewelry piece now and for years to come, happy with every aspect of its appeal (including the product’s ethical footprint as it relates to human rights and the environment).
Truthfully, the advantages of 5A cubic zirconia over natural diamonds is such that in our opinion the day is coming when customers will brag about CZ as a choice, in the same way that many informed, thoughtful people proudly wear faux fur, or use repurposed ivory.
But that day is not quite here, yet.
And for that reason, we won’t be offended if a new customer buys our product and pretends it’s a 'real' diamond. After all, we kind of created this whole industry designed to show off “The Diamond Mystique”-- just for much, much less money.
In the last century, the engagement ring has become a symbol of one of the most important life decisions you and your intended will make.
It’s a big enough deal that even a man ready for marriage might not propose because he doesn’t know what to do exactly-- so pay special attention if you’re a lady with marriage in mind after a number of years together with your partner… and he hadn't yet proposed.
We’re talking about such a potent symbol of forever that many today believe it has always been necessary to present an engagement ring as a precursor to a wedding-- particularly a diamond engagement ring.
Reality: neither of those traditions are that old.
In large part as a result of the trending demand created by billions of US dollars in advertising spent by the diamond cartel in the last century, natural mined diamonds are highly valued by many people-- and therefore highly priced by sellers (despite some factors that limit intrinsic mined natural diamond value to far below what the average person thinks it could be).
You could very well say that couples today are under a certain degree of pressure from peers, family and society to demonstrate their love and commitment by way of the diamond engagement ring.
Hit the brakes.
You have options.
They are important.
We believe that couples are adept at creating their own ‘traditions’.
Just as you can create your own unique wedding experience, you can choose an engagement ring that actually reflects your values (individually and as a couple).
One of the most important things couples can do before getting married-- as a foundation for your future happiness and sanity together-- is to figure out what those values are.
Then you can apply those values to all sorts of mutual decisions you’ll make together over the course of your relationship!
We like to think of the engagement ring discussion as an experimental ‘test-drive’ for soon-to-be-married couples to talk honestly about your thoughts and feelings and work together to make an early mutual decision that will greatly affect you both.
You may decide NO engagement ring is wanted, needed, or desired.
That’s cool.
You wouldn’t be alone.
And while we likely won’t get to have you as a customer…hey, we’re gonna survive.
You may decide it’s a mined, natural ‘traditional’ diamond or nothing. The truth is, no matter the 'identical look'...some people simply don't want anything but the conventional when it comes to a once-in-a-lifetime gift.
We still won’t get you as a customer there, either. And while that’s less cool, it’s your choice so go on with your bad self.
We spoke recently with a gentleman who said his girlfriend had been very vocal in a number of conversations with friends that natural diamonds are the only way to go for an engagement ring-- if the guy is 'serious' about marriage.
He'd heard her say other, cheaper options were no good.
And yet he was vehemently anti-diamond for environmental and humanitarian reasons. What should he do? We advised him to read this article!
As a result of reading this article and/or discussing the topics herein together, a couple may decide that she’d prefer a high-quality cubic zirconia instead of a diamond. Or they can decide that a colored natural stone more rare than diamonds is actually her style. Either is fine, and the below discussion talking points could help with either option!
Let's say you're the partner in the relationship planning to give an engagement ring gift and propose marriage to your significant other.
You don't like mined diamonds but aren't sure what to do?
Let's discuss how you can talk to your beloved about 5A cubic zirconia from CubicZirconia.com-- and other non-mined-diamond alternative options for an engagement ring.Or first tip: don’t mislead the person you want as your life partner.
If it’s not a mined natural diamond, we feel like it's imperative that you should say so to the WEARER.
Set the expectation before the gift or be sure to say so when you’re giving it.
You don’t want to be misunderstood.
There are a number of diamond substitutes in a clear/white stone (real and artificial).
Some look a lot like a natural mined diamond-- such as a moissanite-- and look at least a little like a diamond (example a white sapphire stone from our sister company WhiteSapphire.com).
And some options look pretty much identical to a perfect, mined natural diamond (a lab-created gem is an expensive alternative that is nonetheless cheaper than a mined diamond, and on the less-expensive end of this spectrum you find our own proprietary CubicZirconia.com 5A cubic zirconia stones).
There isn’t anything wrong with surprises when it comes to one partner picking out an engagement ring to give the other as a surprise.
But frankly, we do NOT counsel our customers to give one of our engagement rings as a marriage proposal gift and say nothing about its material makeup.
Yes, she’s gonna see it and believe it’s a diamond ring. If you buy the right carat size, so will everyone else-- thanks to what we call “The Diamond Mystique”. Indeed, in informal surveys we’ve done over the years, most couples who buy one of our engagement rings simply let everyone else believe she’s wearing a diamond. Some explicitly lie, some don’t…but while many post the rings we make on instagram, few are hashtagging our company!.
We believe the buyer and teh wearer both need and deserve to know our product isn’t a diamond-- but that it’s no one else’s business. Here’s the reality: the diamond cartel has expertly linked the concept of engagement in the minds of millions of people with a price tag (months of salary anyone?)...and any cubic zirconia stone is significantly less expensive than diamonds (real or artificial).
Even our superior-grade, diamond-quality 5A cubic zirconia stones are relatively cheap at $75 USD compared to what someone may pay for a comparable-looking real diamond priced at over $50,000.
If you don’t tell her and she finds out, in today’s day and age there’s a chance she will be understandably upset.
Even if she wanted a diamond alternative. Even if she's not a diamond fan. Even if she shares his environmental, humanitarian or other concerns about diamonds.
Say nothing and there's a lie between you-- even if it was a lie of omission. We’d call it a lie, too, if you allowed our stone to ‘fool her’ by playing on societal expectations for a diamond-- and that's no bueno.
By all means, fool others. That’s a given. But know that the diamond has become so integral in our culture's understanding of engagement that unless you say otherwise, she will assume it is a diamond. And no matter what your intentions are when you choose a diamond substitute, no one could blame her for thinking you were dishonest by not saying anything and letting her believe it's a diamond.
Frankly, we think she’d be right to be upset.
Unfortunately, she—and everyone close to her—may think you do not value her.
You're also gonna contend with people who think you are ‘cheap’.
They will not see you as frugal or practical.
Once you are proven to have been dishonest about this switcharoo, you’ll be tainted.
You could even lose your fianceé.
And it was likely all so unnecessary.
However, when she’s ‘in the know’ as your gift recipient…everything can change.
If you talk to your love about CubicZirconia.com’s 5A cubic zirconia as an engagement ring alternative, she has a chance to consider the choice to be progressive, non-conformist, frugal or practical, and your shared secret-- especially when you’re able to say that you don’t see a diamond ring as a practical investment and you’d prefer the two of you together to spend the extra money on something that will build your future together better than a chunk of carbon.
When you do it together, in tandem you’re more likely to customize a unique engagement ring that becomes a heartfelt symbol of your values-- and the life you envision together-- than if the occasion of committing your lives together is celebrated with a surprise.
LOL, we always say the best surprise is the timing and place of the gift.
Nope. There is a glut of real diamonds in the market. Since the early 1900s, diamond producers either loosely or rigidly arranged in a cartel monopoly, have controlled the mined diamond market. And the way they were able to prop up made-up ‘values’ is disappearing the way of the dodo bird. Recent changes in the industry-- including a flood of lab-grown diamonds from China and other countries-- have reduced the selling price of diamonds even further.
According to the Better Diamond Initiative, diamonds are not uniformly evaluated or priced. There is really no standardized scale for assessing the value of a diamond. Even the 4C’s (Carat, Cut, Color, and Clarity) evaluation results in a mind-boggling number of combinations. It is impossible to establish an objective price. For the last 100 years, mining companies would sell for what they could…retailers would sell for what they could…and resellers trying to unload an unwanted diamond often found the secondary market was fetching a price much, much, much less than what they initially paid for that diamond at retail price. Just ask someone you know that was recently divorced and wanted to get rid of the diamond ring.
We encourage couples to talk frankly about the value of diamonds before they decide on an engagement ring-- especially if one or more partners is already convinced the real value simply isn’t there the way we all learned at one time (via advertising). The question you each have to ask is, What value do you put on a mined natural diamond? What do you think it says about your relationship?
If you can get on the same page with this decision and resist outside pressure, your relationship will be stronger. Like we said, it‘s good problem-solving practice for many future conversations to have and decisions you can together make during marriage. You’ll learn about how you work together as a couple.
Many couples who have this conversation settle on a lab-grown or lab-created diamond. The same look and feel but cheaper and more ethically-sourced than a mined, natural diamond? Sounds good to a growing number of people.
We don’t make or sell lab diamonds, but we don’t discourage people from choosing that either. As noted earlier, it’s cool. We’ll survive if you don’t buy from CubicZirconia.com.
It’s been over 15 years since Leonardo Di Caprio starred in the Academy Award nominated film, Blood Diamond (link to our review of the movie).
The movie reveals how diamonds finance violent rebel movements. It caused a stir in the industry. And a call for change. It’s a riveting film worth watching if you haven’t.
Got a future fianceé on the fence about choosing natural minded diamonds for an engagement ring or other jewelry piece? Have a movie night and watch “Blood Diamond”. You won’t have to say much. In fact, if you haven’t seen it, don’t watch it until you are together. You will want to talk after you have seen it. No spoilers here. The film, directed by Edward Zwick, will speak for itself.
Blood Diamond was released six years after the formation of the Kimberley Process in 2000: The Kimberley Process started when southern African diamond-producing states met in Kimberley, South Africa, in May 2000, to discuss ways to stop the trade in ‘conflict diamonds' and ensure that diamond purchases were not financing violence by rebel movements and their allies seeking to undermine legitimate governments. The Kimberley Process is a noble initiative that indeed has created some positive humanitarian change, but if we’re being honest-- it’s well-known that improvement has been limited in its mandate and implementation. And the process has been only infrequently updated in the last two plus decades.
The value of that movie in our opinion was that the world became more aware of the human rights abuses, dangerous labor practices, terrorist funding, money laundering, and environmental destruction wrought by the mined diamond industry.
There are institutions and diamond producers making solid efforts to produce ethical diamonds. However, abuses continue. It is difficult to be 100% certain where a diamond originates, how it got to the marketplace, and what it cost in terms of human rights and life to get there. How will she feel as a diamond glimmers on her finger after learning about its bloody history?
If your intended is a millennial, this conversation is likely gonna be easier.
Millennials are sooooooooooo not falling in love with diamonds.
They might love their social media, but diamonds are definitely being unceremoniously shoved out of the typical Millennial friend circle.
Girl’s best friend?
Not even close.
Cracked even has a decidedly unfriendly idea about why Millennials are gleefully killing the diamond industry (note: NSFW language in video).
According to Business Insider, Millennials have derailed the diamond industry with “evolving” shopping tastes that have challenged stigmas around the alternative diamond market.
If she’s a Millennial, there’s a decent chance she’ll be insulted if you buy her a mined natural diamond instead of an alternative!
That said, we recommend engagement ring purchasers stick to precious metals like platinum, gold or .925 sterling silver for the band. Forget “gold-plated” as an engagement ring (after all the metal has the real value
When I first worked on this article with our content marketing team, I did so because I promised it to a caller with whom I'd discussed some of these topics verbally and briefly on the phone.
An affluent man who was thinking of getting engaged-- but not sure his bride-to-be would happily accept the 'non-diamond' engagement ring he wanted to get and give her. He was completely anti-diamond for humanitarian and environmental reasons. Plus thought diamonds were a horrible investment.
He was asking for help because he was torn between selecting a mined natural diamond (despite his own reluctance), an expensive color stone (his preference), and an inexpensive diamond substitute such as those made and sold by our company.
Though he agreed to read the article...he was super hesitant to say he'd talk with his diamond-loving, alternatives-bashing girlfriend about the topic.
Though he agreed to read the article...he was super hesitant to say he'd talk with his diamond-loving, alternatives-bashing girlfriend about the topic.
Even though figuring this out was the main reason he had already decided to marry her...but he didn't want to flub this up.
This whole scenario really gives some insight into the power diamonds hold over the imagination a century after first gaining popularity as engagement rings.
The diamond cartel ads over the years have been so powerful that even when we can prove in a laboratory setting that even a jeweler with decades of experience can't tell the difference between a perfect, flawless diamond and our 5A diamond-quality cubic zirconia stone-- unaided, from a visual-only inspection-- many people just assume it must be some kind of gimmick, because who ever heard of one stone sold for $50,000 USD and another costing $75 looking visually identical?
You gotta feel for the guy right?
From my convo…in so many ways, it sounds like he and his future "Mrs" have values that are very similar. I did point out to him that one of the reasons for that alignment seemed to be a long history of talking things out.
Because when couples make a commitment to conversation, I believe a transformation occurs over time-- from good to great.
And this conversation could be great practice for a marriage worth having.
Mrs. Cubic Zirconia
]]>Lucky for you, we got the lowdown on how you can zero in on what you want from thousands of choices with just a few clicks - all from a shopper's point of view.
]]>Sounds good, right?
Let's say in a few months or weeks you'll be popping the question.
(note: for dramatic effect, this article is written from the standpoint of a male buyer soon to be proposing engagement to his female sweetheart...but the tools, jewelry terminology and website smart menu options discussed work just as well for any customer of any relationship orientation...picking out any ring for any purpose!).
You wanna make sure you have the perfect ring to provide the crowning climax on all the engagement proposal fun you have planned.
You’re excited!
Of course, you’ve been dating her for quite some time now, so you have a fairly clear idea about what tickles her fancy, what turns her knees to jelly, what makes her eyes well up, what her pet-peeves are, what she likes and dislikes, and can even at times figure out what mood she's in depending on the clothes she has on for the day. LOL
That includes having the inside scoop on what kind of jewelry she’s more likely to wear. So even though figuring her out completely is an adventure you're unlikely to complete in a lifetime of trying, you're so crazy in love with her that you don't mind too much if she seems like she wants one thing one minute and another the next!
That's why just to be sure…
…You’ve quizzed her friends and even her family about what she might like in an engagement ring.
Is she more likely to ooh and ahh over a plain metal band or one studded with stones?
Speaking of metal, does she prefer one metal over others? Or even a specific metal color? (For example, 6 of the 12 precious metals offered for CubicZirconia.com products are "white" metals, plus 3 karat purities of rose gold and 3 of yellow gold).
Does she want a simple solitaire with one stone, a three-stone style, or something with even more bling?
Does she prefer one center stone shape over others?
You've looked over our articles for "Choosing the Right Center Stone Shape for You/Her" and "Choosing the Right Precious Metal for You/Her" (or you just opened those in a new browser tab for later leisurely study!).
In short, you’ve done your homework -- and you're pleased with your research.
One could say you're ready to put the SMACK-DOWN on this website's shopping cart, baby! (if one were so inclined)
You know for a fact that she feels strongly about the illegal diamonds trade, especially after you both saw that Leo DiCaprio movie, Blood Diamond. You remember her saying after watching the movie that the thought of wearing sparkling jewelry that’s supposed to symbolize love and devotion-- but may as well have been polished by blood-- sends shivers down her spine.
Yep!
She’s lovely.
She’s smart.
And she’s got a big heart!
Yay for having a good conscience as a consumer!
How could you be so lucky?
Smiling to yourself, you open up your device and navigate online to the one and only CubicZirconia.com.
After the website you heard about loads, you see the company's homepage.
'Online since 1999' jumps out at you. Sounds pretty legit!
“Oh! They have earrings too! I gotta bookmark this page for when I need to buy her a gift in the future.”
Done and bookmarked. OK, back to the purpose for TODAY'S visit, shall we?
----------> THE RING! <----------
Casually exploring the page, you notice something else a bit different than your original plan to shop for an engagement ring.
This time, though, you're not being distracted...you're being PROACTIVE.
“Hmmm! Bridal Sets. Maybe I can find an engagement ring with a matching wedding band and buy the whole set? I mean, I will need that second ring, right? Or maybe I can just buy the engagement ring now and return later for the wedding band. Sounds like a plan. Really, CubicZirconia.com website creator guy, one ring is all I have headspace for right now, thank you very much!”
Editor's note: All rings purchased from CubicZirconia.com are eligible for a multi-ring discount from 6-12% depending on your metal type chosen and total order value. Our website shopping cart applies the discount to SOME BUNDLED PAIRS OF PRODUCTS, but not others so please reach out and ask before purchase and we can apply the discount. And you don't have to purchase both at the same time...a purchase of a second ring any time within 60 days of the first, and you'll still be able to get the discount! We'll even apply the same discount percentage you get on the second ring RETROACTIVELY to your first ring purchased today! Pretty sweet, huh?
So you decide: “For now, let’s choose 'Engagement Rings'!”
And as you’re about to click, you notice something that momentarily has you stunned.
“3803 Items?!?!”
Your inner 12-year-old girl comes out with: "OH MY GOD! I’m going to look for a single engagement ring from a pool of 3,808 available designs?!?!”
*sigh*
"This is going to take a WHILE.”
Not to be dissuaded by a few thousand engagement ring design options, you think of how happy she'll be wearing the ring you give her and with a burst of testicular fortitude you silence that little brat deep inside long enough to click “Engagement Rings”-- bracing yourself for what you fear may indeed be a long search.
Then you see a ray of hope. Hell, it may be a gosh-darn ball of sunshine.
“Filter Products?”
You scroll down and what you see brings a slow smile to your face...
“Hmmm… the makers of this website might be pretty smart, after all...because who has time, patience or sanity to look at 3000+ products in order to pick one? Hello, Mr. 'Filter Products' button, my new friend!"
– a smile that in no time breaks into a full-sized, 'Cheshire cat' grin.
"I believe this will allow me to narrow down my search based on what I’m looking for-- and what I think she might like most! Awesome sauce!”
“So, let’s start narrowing down our options!”
“We know we’re looking for ‘Engagement Rings’, so let’s click that."
And just like that, the machine goes to work for you, bringing manly order to crazy .com chaos.
A chuckle begins to rise deep in your throat.
"Bye-bye 'cocktail rings'. Sorry 'bout your luck 'promise rings'. Maybe next time when I'm shopping for a daughter or female relative. But right now I'm LASER-FOCUSED on getting this engagement ring in the bag, baby!"
“Let’s scroll down to see how large our search area is now…”
“Whoa! 79 pages! That’s a lot! Whoo boy, we've gotta do better than that. I mean, I love her to pieces and all but can't we do the 1-10 items grocery checkout style of shopping today? Or is that asking too much, website creator guy?”
You figure a few more clicks and you can narrow that 79 pages of products down to more of a number you can live with, because you don't have all day.
And you're RIGHT!
There are two types of product webpages on CubicZirconia.com:
1) those that include the word “/products” in the URL (see screenshot below)...
...And 2) those that include the word “/collections” in the URL (see screenshot below).
The product filter options you’ll see on the left side panel of our product catalog can be used to narrow down your “/collections” search results based on the selections you make for different choices, preferences and features.
Using these filter options, you can significantly narrow down your search for the perfect ring, earrings or pendant out of the many thousands of designs we have available for you. In other words, fewer "/products" results will be visible in the personalized products collection you create just for you based on your previous choices. Make sense?
Let’s say like today's story hero you’re looking at rings, and specifically “engagement rings”.
Well, a “browse”-style shop of our engagement rings catalog could entail looking at hundreds of pages filled with thousands of products!
There’s a good chance we have something you/she/he will love...but finding it may take a bit of effort to give us the knowledge you have about what you/she/he likes and wants. That’s where the product filter options on our website’s left side menu come in.
You can make multiple selections, one each for each of the available option categories.
So once you choose “engagement rings” as your ring type you will NOT see other kinds of rings.
And once you select “Platinum” for example as your preferred metal type, you will ONLY see products that can be made for you with platinum.
Make sense?
OK, then let's return to our intrepid hero shopper, shall we?
Let's say you know for a fact that your honeybunch wants white metal for her ring.
"Probably white gold or platinum. Lemme see…”
You think about clicking 'white gold' but don't. You think about clicking 'Platinum' but don't pick that, either.
“Oh yeah, website creator guy, you got it going on! 'Any white metal' sure sounds like it combines BOTH platinum and white gold, right? So let’s just select 'Any White Metal' for now and I can decide between white gold and platinum later.”
CLICK.
Boom! That was some seriously 'easy button' shopping.
TIP: If you/she/he like white metal, but you aren’t sure if you want and can afford platinum versus palladium, white gold or .925 sterling silver...that’s why we created the “Any white metal” option (it includes all four). Not sure what metal type to choose? See our article Which Precious Metal Is Right For Me/Her?
“Now, let’s see how much we’ve narrowed down our search.”
“What?! It didn’t change! Maybe this filter thing isn’t working…”
A red wave of anger starts to color your cheeks. You're thinking about taking back all the nice things you said about this website and already close to forgetting the company was recommended so highly. But then you have an epiphany.
“Wait… Either the filter thing isn't working or this just means all of the available engagement ring designs are available in all white metals…”
So you decide to keep going, and try another filter option and see what happens.
“I know she would want a round cut center stone. That’s the shaped cut she insisted her best friend go for when they shopped for her ring last year.”
(Note to customers who have no idea on this question: if you’re unsure about what center stone shape to choose, check out this article, “Which Center Stone Shape Is Best For Me/Her?”)
“So, let’s choose ‘Round Cut' and see if this overwhelming-79-pages-of-products-situation can be improved, shall we?”
Click and Boom!
“Well, what do you know! The filter actually works! We’re down to just 26 pages from 79!”
“Hmmm...that's still an AWFUL LOT OF SCROLLING AND CLICKING. There's got to be a better way! OK Mr. 'Filter Products' Menu, I'm gonna trust you to take me to the Proposal Promise Land with the perfect engagement ring. Let's go!"
So you decide to make a choice on the center stone’s size.
(Note to customers who have no idea on this question: if you need help choosing the right center stone size for your ring, check out this article, “Which Center Stone Size Is Best For Me/Her?”)
“My love knows she’s getting a cubic zirconia ring. But not everyone does. Not that we care what everyone thinks. But I think it's more interesting and FUN if everyone else assumes we paid the real diamond price. Why not? It's our money to spend on what we want, ya Nosey Parkers!”.
You sit and think for a few minutes, wondering what size is best...wishing there was an article online about "Cubic Zirconia and the 'Diamond Mystique': How Big is too Big to Be Believable?" Hint: there is such an article on our site.
“If we go for a crazy-huge center stone, everyone will ignore what their eyes see and suspect it’s not a real diamond just because I'm not exactly Richie Rich. But if we go for a more conservative-sized stone, people will just look with their eyes and see a perfect, flawless stone-- with no reason to suspect we didn't get the real thing!"
You like that idea to invoke the "Diamond Mystique", and you're pretty sure she will, too. She can always tell anyone who asks the truth if she wants, but you don't think they'll actually ask (hint: it's considered rude and they won't).
“I know a 3-carat flawless diamond would be more than I could afford, so no one's going to see it and believe it unless I'm walking around town, having sold my house and car and everything I own while working my tail off with no eating out and no Starbucks coffee for a few years. And lots of other people we interact with on a daily basis know enough of my finances to be suspicious if I put a 3-carat rock on her finger."
Your finger hovers over the next button to be clicked and you decide: "So let’s go for 1.00-2.00 Carat, that's believable as a diamond!”
“Awesome! That narrowed down our search even further! We’re now down to just 19 pages from 26. Boom shaka-laka, this is super easy!”
“Wait… I wonder what's the actual measurement is of a 1.0 carat or 2.0 carat stone. Hmmm…”
(Wanna know the carat weight equivalent of cubic zirconia stones in millimeters? Check out this article: “Cubic Zirconia size chart by Carat Weight”)
“Oh, okay. So a 1.0 carat round-cut stone is actually 6.5mm, while a 2.0 carat round-cut stone is 8mm. That looks conservative enough. Nice!”
Now you feel like it's time to filter this list of products down further by choosing some design elements.
But really, what the heck do you know about jewelry anyway?
“This looks tough..
'Center Stone Setting Type'…
'Stone Layout'…
These things seem to be written in English but without some kind of jewelry glossary with pictures and definitions...I have no earthly idea what these things mean, website creator guy! Damn you, CubicZirconia.com. You promised I could shop your site without being a jewelry terminology expert!"
Don't worry, buddy. We've got your back.
Do you have information on what’s the preferred Center Stone Setting Type? If so, choose it (see portion marked “1” on the screenshot below). If not, leave it blank without making any "Center Stone Setting Type" selection.
Are you thinking just a solitaire to keep it simple? Then filter out everything else when you select "Stone Layout_Solitaire" from the filter menu (see portion marked “2” on the screenshot below). "Two stone" and "Three stone" and "Five stone" mean exactly what each sounds like: the total stone count. If you're not sure if you/she would want one stone, two, three, five or many stones, then just leave "Stone Layout" category without making a choice.
Does she love a halo? Choose the "Halo_Yes" filter. Not sure? Leave it blank. Does she dislike halo designs? Well, take a second to filter those out by selecting "Halo_No" (see portion marked “3” on the screenshot below).
But our hero shopper today doesn't want to filter out halo designs. Because he's no longer angry with our website creation team!
He's stopped scrolling down with increasing irritation, and in a flash the grin comes back.
“Halo! I remember her admiring her sister’s engagement ring that had a 'halo' of stones around the center stone. Hell, yes! ”
That's when you decide to select the 'Halo_Yes' option on the Filter Products menu and see what that does.
“And we’re down to 9 pages!”
The total products to review just got more than cut in half.
You're loving this.
“What a button! What a website. I’m on a roll!”
You see the company has 9 pages worth of 1-2 carat, round-cut-centered, halo-style engagement rings you can choose to have made any any white metal.
But that's still way too many to shop efficiently, right!?
And we men were made for efficiency, right!?
“Let’s see what else we have here; surely, in just a few more clicks I'm gonna find the perfect ring. I mean, Mr. 'Filter Products' Menu hasn't let me down yet!”
SCROLLING
SCROLLING
There!
You see another term you have heard.
Thanks to that school requirement for 2 years of a foreign language, you happen to know a little French.
"I bet ‘pavé band’ most probably means the band of the ring is ‘paved’ with small stones. It makes sense. Instead of paving stones or cobblestones on a street, it's just a circle of little gems around the ring. Let's see if I'm right and if so, this design feature will be my own personal input on this ring!”
And that's when you click the button for ‘Pave band’.
“Boom chick-boom! Now we’re really getting somewhere! We’re down to just 5 pages from the original 79! And just as you suspected...there are little stones going around the band of all the options that are now showing!”
You just earned yourself a drink, big fella. Go ahead and get one. We'll wait.
You back yet? We're here, holding your place in line so to speak.
Measure twice, cut once, drink often.
That's the advice ol' grandpap would have given if he had lived long enough to see us launch this website.
“We’ve made good progress so far! But looking at where we stand right now, it looks like each page contains about 48 ring designs. If we still have a pool of 5 pages to browse through, we’re still talking about at 240 rings overall.”
That's more than you want to look at, and who can blame you?
Certainly not us. After all, we put hundreds of hours into creating this menu to make shopping easier and guilt-free!
“OK, website creator guy, I think we can see what other options are available to choose from so we can filter this down even further…”
SCROLLING
"Hmmm... 'Accent Stone Shape'... I didn't notice that before... What would be a good accent stone shape for a round cut center stone? Eeny, meeny, miny, mo - Heart cut! Why not? Let's go ahead and click that."
CLICK
"Whoa! That's not right! Don't tell me I blew my progress straight out of the water. Oh man! Surely, I wouldn't need to go back to square one, would I?"
Taking a big gulp out of the drink you just got for yourself, you brace yourself for 'Take 2' of the entire episode. But then you decided to see if unclicking that last selection will do anything good. I mean, what's the worse that could happen, right?
"I wonder what will happen if I unclick 'Heart Cut'..."
"Boo-yah! I'm back, Baby!"
"So you can unclick a filter selection and go back to where you were before you clicked it. Cool! Website creator guy, you're proving to be one smart fella!"
"Ok, so what else do we have here?"
SCROLLING
SCROLLING
“What's this? 'Hidden stones'… That sounds interesting…'Peekaboo'? I wonder what that is. The only peekaboos I know are the now-you-see-me-now-you-don't-kids'-game...and something to do with that sexy lingerie I bought her last Christmas.”
Since both of those are fun memories, and you aren't sure what else to click...you take a deep breath and go for it.
CLICK.
“Oh! So that’s what 'peekaboo' means for a ring..." you think, as you hover over one of the product images and it shows you a SIDE VIEW picture of the ring with small stones 'hidden' underneath the main stone.
(If you wanna know more about ring design elements, checkout our Rings FAQ Frequently Asked Questions page)
"I think she’ll really like that!"
You scroll to the bottom and see not only do you LIKE this recent change and think the products showing are pretty cool, but then you think...
“WOW! We’re down to one page! If the price is right, then it's just about time for the HAPPY DANCE and Daddy's gonna get that credit card ready thanks to Mr. 'Filter Menu' and CubicZirconia.com website creator guy.”
You're super happy that from 3000+ designs, you now have cut all that down to just 10 designs to look at and choose from-- and all of them look amazing!
“Also, I noticed something with this filter options thingie…if you choose a particular design element from any given menu section, your options automatically eliminate all the other you did not select. But if you don’t choose an element from a given menu section your options will still include all of the available choices in that set.”
Yes, good on ya for noticing that mate!
It’s totally okay not to choose a design element or any option from a small menu section if you’re unsure. You can just choose the ones you’re really familiar with and your pool of choices will still continue to get smaller and more manageable.
“I like this a lot! I wonder what else we can do with these 10 designs…”
We won't call you a greedy greeder-ton to want even more (ahem...even less).
"...Wait! ‘Cathedral setting’?! I almost forgot that!"
You remember her saying she likes the look of a cathedral setting, not to mention thinking it looks pretty sturdy because of the multiple connection points between the center setting and the ring's body (Editor's note: the stone is attached to the body of the ring both underneath the main stone and also along its sides).
"...or something like that." you think, since it was more than a year ago and you weren't exactly paying 100% attention to her ring-related hints before getting serious about this engagement planning.
But in order to see what happens, you go ahead and click to select ‘Cathedral Setting’. After all, there are 10 products on one page so it's not going to make a huge difference to narrow it down, but it might get you closer to a single choice.
“Now we’re down to just 6 designs! And they all look so pretty! I’m sure any one of these rings will surely look good on my sweetheart’s finger!”
Are you ready? We've done our job pretty well, haven't we? And if you have any questions we're just a call or email away. We think it’s time for you to choose the perfect ring!
“And the winner is…”
*drumroll, please*
“Wait! I have another idea! I want to have something engraved on the ring! I wonder which one of these rings can be engraved on…Wonder of wonders! Mr. 'Filter Products' Menu actually has a choice for engraving!”
No this website is not actually reading your mind.
“Anyway, let’s choose the option for 'Engravable_Yes’!”
“Whoa! Good thing I did that! I was thinking about choosing that ring design that got filtered out!”
You're now down to the final 5 designs.
And because of how you arrived at your 5 choices, and the company you're dealing with, you have a deep confidence that any of these ring designs could be a good choice. It's really like multiple choice, and every answer is correct: A, B, C, D, or E!
But which is the best choice to BUY TODAY!?
“OK, I think I have the winner…
I choose…'The Bailey'!”
CLICK.
And you're now on not just A product page but THE product page for the exact ring you've decided to buy!
Great work, fella.
“Now, let’s go ahead and decide on the specifics of this ring…”
You remember that as far as the center stone size is concerned, you chose the filter menu option for, ‘1.0-2.0 Carats’ a while ago. And you know from the cubic zirconia size chart that a 1.0 carat cubic zirconia stone measures 6.5mm while a 2.0 carat stone measures 8mm.
But which exact size to choose?
“I say we split the difference and go for a 1.50 carat center stone size. Easy peasy.”
(Editor's note: 1.50 carat is the most popular size sold over the last 7 years CubicZirconia.com has been tracking this choice across all our worldwide sales)
“Thanks to Teresa's help, I already know she wears a U.S. size 6.5 ring. So let’s put that in.”
(If you’re unsure about her ring size and you’d like to find out with or without her knowing what’s going on, read our article, “What Is Her Ring Size? Sneaky Tips To Learn Her Finger Ring Size without Ruining The Surprise”)
You're forging ahead and not a problem so far!
Now it’s time to decide on the metal type for her copy of 'The Bailey' ring.
“I know she wants a white metal ring.”
Which one to pick?
“As it is now, if the ring was made of Sterling Silver, it will cost me $620.43*.”
“That's pretty affordable. Hmmm… Lemme think…she already knows she’s getting an imitation diamond, so we’re practically spending pennies on the stone…we can spend a bit more and really jazz it up with the precious metal...after all, precious metals are actually rare and valuable.”
You see that it looks like you can get multiple white metal options.
In addition to sterling silver, 10 karat white gold in an option for a bit more. Or for a little more you can buy 14 karat white gold. Or for a little more you can buy Palladium or 18 karat white gold. None of those prices seem outrageous, really.
(Editor's note: Here's a good explanation why CubicZirconia.com has some of the best prices online for high-quality cubic zirconia plus precious metals jewelry.)
“What about Platinum?" you wonder.
Platinum is supposed to be the most luxurious and most expensive of the 4 precious metals, right? Besides, you know she loves it because she's forever oohing and ahhing over platinum jewelry worn by other women the two of you meet and spend time with out and about.
So you click to check it out, thinking to yourself "OK, CubicZirconia.com team, how much do you want for a Platinum 1.50 carat copy of 'The Bailey' engagement ring if I go all out and can swing it?”
“$1146.81*? OK, deal. Awesome! I can live with that cost"
Your finger hovers for one more click, and it's a biggie.
Are you really READY FOR THIS?
The answer is easy.
"What do you say, we go ahead and click this ‘Add to Cart’ button and get this engagement party started!?”
Now, you're movin' on up!
And so, the ring was bought and paid for.
The proposal went as planned, even though you didn't use (or need) any of our blog's many helpful proposal ideas and tips for a great engagement party.
All by yourself, you made it a time that was memorable, lovely and romantic.
The balloons, candles, flowers, rose petals and string quartet were spectacular!
I mean, we hear it was like a scene straight out of a romantic movie.
The wedding was set (we're still waiting for our wedding invitation to be sent to PO Box 93, Pendleton KY 40055)
And we’re genuinely hopeful they’ll live happily ever after-- whether we get invited to the wedding or not!
* Finished jewelry prices on CubicZirconia.com fluctuate regularly based on wholesale precious metals market costs.
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